[FFML] [Ranma][Revised]I Dream of Ranma, episodes 1 and 2

[Elin B]

Here we go! I will treat this as an entirely new story since my memory of once reading a version of this is extremely fuzzy.This took longer than I'd wished in part because Yahoo kept eating up things not saving changes I'd already made before. 

>Prologue

 >  

>    However, one djinn managed to escape every trap set for it.
Magic lamps, bottles, rings -- none of them could hold this genie. The
monarch assembled the finest scholars who could be found and asked what
could be done, how the kingdom could be rid of this troublesome spirit.
They had no answer.

The genie sounds similar to Happosai in this respect!

>
    In desperation, the monarch traveled to the mountains, where the
most knowledgeable sage in the kingdom was said to live. The monarch
found the sage and asked what could be tried to contain the djinn that
the most powerful devices in the land had failed to hold.

    "Well," said the sage, "there might just be ONE thing...."


                            I DREAM OF RANMA

              Ranma 1/2 Alternate Universe Manga Fanfiction
                              by Gary Kleppe

>    The characters of Ranma 1/2 are the creation of and rightful
>property of Rumiko Takahashi. They are used here without permission.
>This story may be freely redistributed, but it should not be altered
>substantially nor used for profit in any way.

I still use disclaimers too. I know they have no legal power, but I find it a mark of respect towards the original author.  

                              Episode 1:
                  When You Wish Upon a Martial Artist




>    Akane paused for a moment to stare at Ranma's odd clothing. The
basic outfit was something akin to a pink bikini. A vest partially
overlaid the top, and a pair of loose-fitting, semitransparent pants
covered the bottom. Shiny bracelets adorned her wrists and ankles. It
certainly wasn't what Akane had expected from someone who practiced
fighting. Then again, she'd seen and heard of some pretty weird styles;
a school of Martial Arts Belly-dancing wouldn't be that hard to believe.

Haha, I could readily believe it.



>    "Just for fun." Akane took up a combat stance, feet spread wide
apart. "Don't worry. I won't hurt you. I'm not the greatest martial
artist in the world, no matter how much I wish I were." Ranma seemed to
pale a bit at those last words. 

Oooh! :DDD

> Strange, Akane thought. Wasn't there any
way to build up this girl's confidence? Oh well, it was something she
would have to work on.

Akane is well-characterized with just a few lines - well-meaning and confident but immature and not very self-aware, very much matching the young woman we meet in the early volumes of the manga.

  
>   The fist's direction adjusted slightly, it struck Ranma's chest
in exactly the right spot. She went limp as she crashed into the wooden
wall, then slumped to the ground like a child going down a slide.

>    Akane stared at her opponent, who was gasping for breath. *How
the hell did I do that?* Not only had she easily hit the fastest
opponent she'd ever faced, judging by the speed at which the girl had
tried to dodge her attack, but she'd known exactly where and how to hit
so that Ranma would be unable to keep fighting, but wouldn't sustain any
lasting injury.

That last detail is really nice - I was worried about Ranma for a moment!

>    Akane reached out a hand, and helped Ranma to her feet. "Sorry
about that." Why did she have to waste such a great strike fighting
Ranma -- who she had been trying to cheer up? Why couldn't it happen
against Kuno, or one of the other blowhards at school?
It makes a very good sense for Akane to think this at this specific canon point. (As an aside, this is something I've always found with your fic writing - you are very good at keeping in mind where the character are/would be at specific moments, seeing things from their points of view.)

 >    "Don't worry about it. It wasn't your fault. It was...." Ranma's
gaze seemed to lose focus for a moment, then returned. "It wasn't your
fault."

Oh no, is Ranma unable to talk to others about his curse and its power? ;_;


***

>    "All for the sake of the art," Genma replied without shame. "I'll
make Ranma into the world's greatest living martial artist if it kills
both of us."
But that's Akane now!

>  A stunned silence pervaded the room. Tendos, their faces glazed
over with dull astonishment, stared at Saotomes. Ranma wondered whether
they believed his pop's explanation. Transforming springs weren't the kind
of thing you heard about every day. Still, they'd seen the changes for
themselves a moment ago when Genma had thrown him into the pond, and
again when a hot water kettle had returned them to normal. It was hard
to ignore what your own eyes told you.
This confused me a bit, taken together with this next part. when read with this bit shortly afterwards
[snip]
>   "Ah, yes." Genma pushed his glasses up to the top of his nose.
"You see, there's more to Ranma's curse than we'd originally thought."
Without warning, he grabbed Ranma and flung him through the air. For the
second time that day, Ranma landed with a splash in the pond.

 >   As always, the change happened without any sensation. There was
no feeling of his body being stretched and squeezed. He didn't notice
that he'd changed until he looked down and saw his breasts. And his
clothes were gone, too. Every time it happened, whatever he had been
wearing would disappear and he'd be wearing the costume. He felt like a
pervert in it. And it put his assets on display so all of the other
perverts could stare at his barely-concealed breasts.
It seems there was an off-screen transformation in the pond between the earlier scene in the dojo and this point, but the specific mention of the costume here, coming right before the wish-granting reveal, made me wonder if he'd just transformed into a regular female form when Genma first threw him into the pond, off-screen. Kinda like a super special two-step curse? Now that I'm re-reading it, there's not really any mention of something like that happening - my logic had holes in it. I guess I kinda assumed the Tendos would already have reacted to the change in the costume, but I guess they were just too stunned overall and, well, it's magic...  

>    "Oh my, a genie?" Kasumi said, as if the news were no big deal.
"You mean one of those Arabian spirits who can grant wishes?"

>    "Yup." Ranma felt as if he were confessing to a crime, and about
to take his punishment.
Aww. :(( Poor Ranma. 

> It had been bad enough having Pop making all
kinds of dumb wishes. Now the whole Tendo family would be doing the same
thing. "Akane made one before, by accident. That's how she won the fight
we had."

>    "Goodness!" Kasumi exclaimed. "Ranma will certainly come in
useful around the house!"
Ahahaha.

  
>    "This is a matter of family honor, boy," Genma said. "I told you
that before."

>    "Stuff it, Pop." Ranma stared back at him defiantly. "I ain't
pickin' one of them."

 >   Pop smiled maliciously. "I wish you would."

>    "Akane," Ranma blurted out uncontrollably. Then he clubbed his
father over the head with his fist. "Damn it, Pop! You got no right
to--"

 >   "Yes, catch." Nabiki shot a hard glare at him. "It can't be this
easy. Why haven't you wished to be cured of your panda curse
permanently? Why aren't you obscenely wealthy? Et cetera, et cetera. And
puh-LEASE don't try to tell me you'd never thought of it."

Right!! Trust Nabiki to point this out right away. 

  
>   "Such an action," Genma continued, "would not befit the high
standards that I as a martial artist have naturally come to--" Ranma
poured the hot water onto himself; he became male. Exactly
simultaneously, Genma turned back into a panda, and his words became
unintelligible. Akane's hammer vanished, as did the air conditioning.

Oho! 

>    "I see," Nabiki said. "Dad's wish had turned him human, but with
you no longer a genie, there was nothing to keep it in effect. When you
go back to male form, it cancels all the wishes. Right?"

This is clever and works well. And it feels like Takahashi-style logic, too. So Akane's just back to her regular strength level, now.

>    He carefully felt the bump on the back of his head. "Still hurts
a little." Why was she asking? From her expression, she didn't seem
concerned about him. It was more like he was a lab rat and she was
observing him.

Chilling...

 >   "Thought so." She flashed a shark-like smile that gave Ranma a
sinking feeling in his stomach. Nabiki was going to mean trouble,
probably more than any of the others. He was glad, at least, that he
hadn't picked her for the fiancee deal. If he married her, he'd probably
end up living in some magic lamp, let out only when she wanted another
new car or something.
Yikes, that would work, wouldn't it? Well, I don't know if his curse allows him to literally live in a lamp, but if she could keep him away from hot water... 
...hm, so if say Nabiki (or Genma... more likely Genma, really) would use Ranma's curse to wish for a valuable object, then immediately sells that object to someone else and then high-tails it out of there with the money, what happens once Ranma's hit with hot water? The object will disappear and make its buyer angry, but will the money also disappear? 

End of the episode. A good way to start things off!

>  I'll go up and ask him to come down, Akane." Kasumi ascended
the steps toward Ranma's room. It wouldn't do for him to miss his first
day at Furinkan. After all, the reason Mr. Saotome had brought him to
Nerima was so that he could get a good education. After being on the
road for so long, he was probably excited about the idea of being in
school -- learning from teachers and meeting other boys his age.
Aww, that's so thoughtful of Kasumi. Probably wrong, but still!

>    Besides, she needed to ask for his help on that other little
matter, and now was as good a time as any.

Intriguing...
***

>   The curse was the first of his problems. Cold water turned him
into a genie, complete with the ability to grant wishes. But he didn't
have control over his powers the way that the genies in the old stories
and legends did. Wishes that people made around him just got fulfilled
automatically, with him having no say about it. He didn't even seem to
be able to interpret the meaning of wishes the way he wanted to.

>    Of course, it made a kind of sense when he thought about it. The
curse gave him the body and powers of a genie, but not the skills that
one would have. It was the same as if someone fell into the Spring of
Drowned Hard-ass Martial Artist; they'd get the muscles, and maybe fast
reflexes, but they probably wouldn't know any special attacks until
somebody came along to teach them.
Good point.

 >   So he needed to learn how to use his cursed form's powers. He
obviously couldn't go out and sign up for genie training school. 

Hmm, well, this is Ranma 1/2 so there COULD be a genie training school, but there might also well not be one... After all, it's not Urusei Yatsura or Rinne, in which case there DEFINITELY would be a genie training school somewhere in the world. 

>  The only way to get better at it was to practice.
Solid Ranma logic! That would never have occurred to me in his position...

 > But that meant letting people make wishes, and if he did that it would mean a whole lot of
trouble for him.
>  His second problem was that Pop wanted him to marry Akane.
Surprisingly, part of him seemed to be giving the idea of the engagement
serious consideration. If he had to keep the curse, being one person's
genie would be better than being up for grabs, even if she didn't like
him.
Aww, the resignation in Ranma... ;___; 

> Not that she blamed Mr. Saotome. 

No, no, do blame Mr Saotome, Kasumi!
>It wasn't his fault. He was doingthe best he could, and she was sure that he was a good father. But a
>father just wasn't enough to raise a child.

Er... *faint danger bells*

>    She moved over to the telephone. The dial tone hummed in her
ear, and looking at the number she had written down earlier, she began
to dial.
Ummmm... *louder danger bells*

***

>    Ranma quickly followed Akane out of the Tendo grounds into the
street. A gray overcast haze blanketed the morning sky. Rumblings echoed
in the distance, as if forecasting doom.

Nicely atmospheric!
  
>    Ranma nodded, wondering why she didn't want to come with him.

>    "Right. I wish you were there."

>    Ranma's surroundings suddenly changed. Instead of Akane, he
faced a tool cabinet. 

That's clever! And no potentially awkward meeting with Dr Tofu!(Sometimes I think I remember more about the minute details of the first chapters of Ranma 1/2 than of any other canon I know, just due to all the Divergence AU fics I've read... even though it's been years now!)

>He poured it over his head, and he was male.

 >   Then he was female.

>    "What th--" Ranma spat the water from his mouth. He was back
>outside in the rain, right where he'd been before Akane wished him to
>school.
Oops. Not so clever after all.

>"Aaargh! I just wish this rain would stop so I could *think* for a
minute!"
>
>    The rain quit, as suddenly as if someone had turned off a
faucet.

Heh! I wouldn't have thought of that either, honestly.
   
>    Ranma and Akane now looked as fresh as they had back at the
house. Birds twittered in the distance. A patch of blue peeked through
the cloud cover.

>    "That's better. Now, one last thing. Ranma, I wish you were back
in your male form."

>    Ranma transformed.

 >   Rain poured down onto already-drenched bodies. Ranma transformed
again. Akane screamed.
Ahahaha. 

>    "No way! I ain't lettin' those people see me like this."

>    "That's it!" Akane's eyes snapped open wide. "Ranma, I wish you
were invisible."

Interesting!
>    Akane jumped forward to meet the boys' charge, and tore through
them like a mower through grass.
Suggest maybe: tearing through them(extremely small difference, I know)
>He had to admit (to himself, anyway) that he was impressed. He'd
never seen a girl who could fight with as much power and speed -- except
for himself, of course, but then he wasn't a real girl.

Oho? No run-in with Shampoo in this AU?

>    Across the table, Akane Tendo silently fumed. *I'll get you for
this, Ranma....*

Unreasonable!! 
(Well, it's Ranma 1/2, it would be too weird if everyone started to be entirely reasonable...)

   
***

   
>    For years, he had been studying the supernatural. He'd read the
*Encyclopedia of World Myths,* every volume, from cover to cover. He was
a regular subscriber to *Paranormal Observer.* But never in his entire
life had he actually witnessed any of the events that he'd read about in
his hobby. His life had always been dominated by dull predictability, a
tyranny that the laws of science enforced.
I just realized, I kinda want Gosunkugi to crossover into Mob Psycho 100. Of course, he'd probably be over 40 in that world...


 >   He was in the wrong locker room, surrounded by gabbing girls,
many of them with only bras and gym shorts on. But he could handle that.
Just go back out through the window, and around to the other side. That
was all he needed to do. No big deal. Just go, as soon as there was an
opening. And don't look. It wasn't polite to stare. Just keep looking at
the window.

 >   Something bumped into his leg.

Oh noooo :DDDD

>   Sayuri sighed. A ghost? What was Yuka going to believe in next?
The tooth fairy? Wish-granting genies?
I've actually gotten the impression it's pretty common to believe in ghosts in Japan (I could very much be mistaken in this, though...).

  
>    "I heard about this from my great uncle. There's a secret
mystical discipline known to only a select few -- the 'how not to be
seen' technique. It's used by perverts in order to spy on unsuspecting
young women. The technique lets them stand around while we take off our
clothes, and we don't even know that they're there."

>    Yuka's eyes bulged. Sayuri laughed inwardly at her little
practical joke. Who else but Yuka would be gullible enough to believe a
silly story like that?
>    The other girls stopped what they were doing to cover themselves
with arms, shirts, and whatever else was handy.

>    "Oh my gods!"

>    "Sayuri, are you saying that there's a pervert here with us?"

>    "Eeeeeeek!"

Ahaha. Okay, yeah, so it's just Sayuri who's this skeptical. A sadly misplaced skepticism in the world she lives in! 


>    "Stop it!" a voice cried from under the blanket. "Why are you
hitting me? I'm not a peeping tom. I'm a GIRL ghost!"
:DDDD

(This is so very Rumic, I adore it!)

 >    Another girl came up from the back. "Mrs. Kinniku said to pour
this over the ghost." She held up a steaming kettle.

Aww, it seems that Gosunkugi has a teacher who trusts his word!

(Too bad for Ranma, but, well. Genma would call it training!)

***

>    "Um, yeah." He nodded and walked through the sliding door.
Somehow, he couldn't bring himself to share her happiness. Surprises
almost always meant trouble.
*danger bells returning*

  
>    "Oh, hello! You must be Akane." A woman stepped into the living
room from the kitchen. She looked roughly thrityish, with slightly wavy
hair. Dressed in a old-style kimono, she carried some long, thin object
about the size of a kendo stick, wrapped in cloth. "How do you do. I'm
Mrs. Saotome!"
The plot is thickening! But this seems entirely IC for Kasumi to think of, now that she has a  magical way to make it happen. 

There you go, I'm sorry I wasn't really any use in terms of finding anything to improve on, I hope my comments have provided some small entertainment at least!
Hopefully I will be able to reply to the next part before the week is over!

  

  
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