[FFML] Try this again. Avenging act 4 chap. 8 Forwarded for DB Sommer

[Gary Kleppe]

> Avenging
> Act IV
> The Hate Monger and the Peacemaker
> Chapter 8
>
>
> Any and all C+C appreciated. You can contact me at:
> sommert at consolidated.net

> Night patrols always carried a large degree of security. He’d leave  
> with an oversized gym back with his equipment and headed for a park.  
> He’d change in some bushes, then leave the bag with his normal  
> clothing in the trees. Bird droppings were the only thing that could  
> reach something that high. Now if that American hero, Squirrel Girl  
> lived nearby, he might worry about its

American hero, Squirrel Girl, lived

> about Biko Stane. While it seemed certain she was up to something,  
> they had no actual proof and couldn’t do anything other than keep an  
> eye on her. At least they’d talked about her emerald robotic  
> companion in case they crossed paths with it again. Robots that were  
> an amalgamation of super abilities that could hold off those three  
> simultaneously was nothing to sneeze at.

Robots that were... three simultaneously were nothing
(or)
A robot that was... three simultaneously was nothing

> Kasumi stared dreamily at him. “Hello, Ranma. Did you need to use the bath?”
> Ordinarily, Ranma couldn’t move at near light speed-- super soldier  
> serums didn’t bestow that-- but naked Kasumi’s could take him to a  
> whole other

Kasumis

> was just way off with his curse, his being a superhero, his mother  
> hating him, his not actually wanting to be engaged. That was one  
> full plate. Although thinking about it, Kasumi was definitely a very  
> healthy girl. Not quite as healthy as his own cursed form, but who  
> was? And if he married someday, he had nothing against someone  
> that…healthy.

You've got non-ASCII characters throughout this. The dot-dot-dot above  
is one. These might show up as blobs on some email clients, or as  
different characters.

> a time she’d been defensive about it, but not so much she had  
> changed her wardrobe. Now she had gone and slept in the buff. Then  
> again, what difference did it make? It wasn’t like she didn’t go  
> about in public in skin-tight outfits, some of the more colorful  
> ones showing, well, certainly not Tigra like skin (or fur, in the  
> felinoid’s case), but an arm or leg cut

Tigra-like

> She still had occasional nightmares of her father finding out and  
> making her become not just a fiancée, but also a superhero sidekick,  
> despite him already having one in the form of Bucky. She had visions  
> of being called something awful, like, Private Okinawa, The  
> Terminatrix, or something ridiculously girly like, Starlight  
> Shimmershine. She wouldn’t do it even if

girly, like Starlight Shimmershine.

> “Follow her around. Maybe she’s got herself a boyfriend that plays  
> rough. In any case, report back to me and I’ll decide what to do.”
> If that was the bottom of the mystery, Ranma would take care of the  
> matter himself. He didn’t need to be a paragon of virtue to dislike  
> guys who

It looks like there's a paragraph break there, but no skipped line.  
This happens in other places. Be consistent on formatting.

> thoroughly, but there was a damning problem. No matter how much time  
> travel he did, he continued to age normally. Even in places like  
> this ‘Limbo’ where the Citadel resided, where the universal laws  
> were different, every minute he existed was another minute he aged.  
> Eight years had passed since his arrival, and soon he’d be too old  
> to ever be accepted by her. He had to do this now, or lose the  
> opportunity to be together forever.

So by the forty-first century there's still no way to rejuvenate a  
human body? Or maybe Kang's already done that so many times that he  
can't be helped anymore?

KE LUN: Try this twenty-centimeter mushroom.

> The surveillance had gone off without a hitch thus far. He’d waited  
> at home until Kasumi departed to supposedly meet some co-workers,  
> and wouldn’t be back until very late. Nabiki delayed her long enough  
> for Ranma to don his disguise and slip out. He then followed his  
> target at a discrete distance.

discreet

RANMA: The distance between me and Kasumi must be an exact integer  
number of centimeters.

> Kasumi walked a direct course, determined and with no side trips. It  
> was as if she had to be somewhere promptly. Ranma followed as she  
> entered a tram station, but then finally veered off course to a coin  
> operated locker. She

coin-operated

> “It’s my pleasure.” Arjuna had to admit, this John Smith did cut a  
> dashing figure in his suit. But then again, as one of her ex’s was  
> fond of saying,

exes
(or)
ex-husbands

's means either possessive "This is my ex's shirt" or contraction "My  
ex's on the phone right now." Don't use an apostrophe just to make a  
plural.

> “Now, I’ll cut to the chase since we both understand the stakes  
> involved in this business. We hold the future of everything in our  
> hands, or seek to, and when things jeopardize that, decisions must  
> be made. Character making

* Character-making (?)

> “An unacceptable one!” Juna was seething. Damn the woman! How dare  
> she betray everything they had worked towards. Ayako was… had been  
> her closest confident and friend. But to ruin all the plans Japan  
> needed to ensure it

* confidant (I think you mean)

AYAKO: I'm confident that you can confide in me.

I wish I had more to say on the story itself but I must confess I'm a  
bit lost on some of it. I don't really get what John Smith and Ayako  
are up to, or what the stakes are if they succeed or fail. I do like  
the creative use of Kang's time travel. Considering that that's about  
the only real advantage he has, he should make the most of it.