[FFML] [C+C] QD Chapter 28

[DB Sommer]

*** Earth 0.000, 0.000

Ranma-chan unlocked the door to the apartment over the Yu-chan and 
stepped inside, her hand reaching over to flip on the light. She felt 
good, pumped up from the fight with the Kasugano girl and her victory. 
Mastering the Amaguriken made the day even better.

She went into the kitchen and pulled out a cold can

% I'd cut this 'cold' since you mention it coming from a refridgerator 
and you say 'cold liquid' a little while later in the paragraph

of juice from the refrigerator, taking it back with her as she walked 
over to sit down on Yumi’s Western-style bed and relax. After popping 
the can open, she tipped it back against her lips,

% I'd cut 'against her lips' since we can assume that and you use lips later


Once past its initial

% 'its' doesn't feel right. I'd go with 'the' instead


-and Herb snapped awake with a gasp, feeling her own hands squeezing her 
throat. She released her grip on herself, staring up at the ceiling as 
she caught her breath. Confusion roiled within her as she struggled to 
remember where she was and what had happened to her.

She was alone now. Her two companions were absent, separated from her 
during their flight from prison. Two relentless women had pursued them, 
heavily armed and highly skilled, catching up with the trio after only a 
few days. Being Musk, they had chosen to fight, since their foes were 
women. But she had been struck by a bullet creasing across her skull 
within the first minute of combat, and the impact had knocked her off a 
cliff and into unconsciousness.

% Hmm. Interesting



In the end, there could be only one, and now that end was here. Her 
identity was clear and sure to her, for the first time in her life.

The person once known as Herb was dead and had been replaced by another, 
a woman named Ginseng. The name was oddly appropriate for her situation. 
She carried the blood of dragons within her, a warrior on a sacred quest 
to find Sage. She no longer wished to return to the Musk; that goal was 
dead to her. But she was still driven to find him. He was her only 
family on this world, though Sage had been adopted and was not actually 
blood-related to her. She was not sure how much he might even remember 
of being one of the Musk, or if he remembered having a brother named 
Herb, but it did not matter. Sage’s face was in her thoughts and haunted 
her dreams. She had to find him and make sure he was well and then she 
would hopefully find a place for herself in his life.

% Interesting shift. I hadn't seen it coming.



Improving herself was necessary for another reason, as the remaining 
funds she had obtained from her former jailers were insufficient to gain 
her passage to Japan right away. Most of it had been spent on documents 
and bribes to change official records for her new identity as a Chinese 
woman named Jin Tseng, although she was sure she would get used to 
hearing it pronounced Ginseng by the Japanese. That unfortunate person 
had lost her life in the underbelly of this city and was her twin in 
appearance except for hair color, and that had been easily fixed with dye.

% Nice to see Herb is ruthless.


Stepping into that identity had been easy for her, and she had been 
doing quite well for herself after acquiring it, since an attractive 
young woman battling men was always more pleasing to the rabble here 
than watching men beating each other up and thus earned her more than 
enough money to sustain herself. Although she didn’t know it, all those 
who knew the truth about the switch had died shortly afterwards in 
underworld shootouts or various horrific accidents, further securing her 
identity from ever being breached. The stories of a woman in a blue 
kimono vanishing from the scenes of each death were chalked up to being 
an urban legend.

% Very ruthless



Sofiya Pavlovena, although she preferred using her old Arena identity of 
Balalaika, was a Russian woman who administered discipline on campus and 
was the homeroom teacher for the first-year class holding the two 
Tetragrammaton Nun trainees: Rebecca and Roberta. The Russian left Ryoko 
alone as long as she didn’t step too far out of line. She and the Masaki 
girl had an understanding of mutual respect with each other, and Ryoko 
actually did respect Balalaika. Earning her citizenship in the Arena was 
an impressive feat, especially fighting on to victory after getting her 
face half-burned in her final match, scars the woman still had to this day.

% Yep, ole Fry Face. Interesting that with Roberta's Blood Trail they 
eliminated one of the '5 Most Dangerous Females' in the series.


She hoped she didn’t get splashed with cold water again, as turning into 
a cat was proving to be most annoying. How could she strike fear into 
the Tendo girl as a housecat?

% You'd be surprised how terrifying that can be




There was a coughing sort of sound from Ensign Miyake, a stifled sob. 
The girl hastily busied herself with her console, holding back tears. 
She had been friends with one of the crew of the Huntress: Ensign Shan 
Pu. She mourned at the loss of her in battle.

% Reports of her death might be greatly exagg... nevermind.


The commander said only a single word. “<Maelstrom.>“

That one word chilled everyone on the bridge. The entity that called 
itself by that name had manifested on two previous occasions in other 
paraverses. The first time it appeared, it had only been defeated by a 
combined effort by Matriarchy and Musk forces that had been forced into 
temporary alliance against the beast. Thousands of lives had been lost.

% He is a 'bad thing' to be sure.

It was encountered a second time when a Matriarchy vessel attempted to 
destroy it while it was still sleeping underneath that paraverse’s 
version of Jusenkyo. It failed, a failure later analyzed as being due to 
too weak of an attack, which had only awakened the beast. It had taken 
an entire battalion of vessels pulled from other regions to deal with 
that mistake.

Later analysis work theorized that weapon damage somewhere over thirty 
megatons being delivered into the beast would be assured of destroying 
it. High Command had then issued a new General Order to all vessels that 
encountered Maelstrom to destroy the creature.

% Espeically since his eventual plan was the ascension to true godhood. 
Which would have led to the extermination of all humanoid species in the 
universe. He was a hater. ^_^



...and this tangent’s version of the village of Joketsuzoku, if it even 
existed.

% Yeah, that would be a bad thing as well


Cologne gazed at the images on the screen, noting the tiny map in the 
corner that pinpointed the exact location and scale of the blast zone, 
recognizing in horror a few landmarks as the satellite imagery was 
relayed over the television news. The two children with her paused and 
wondered what the delay was. They had completed their training. It was 
time to finally settle things up with Ranma and Shampoo.

% Yes, that would change everything as well

“Come, you two,” she said brusquely, continuing on in the direction of 
the Saotome household at first before suddenly turning down a nearby 
alleyway. The two with her followed eagerly, both of them hungering for 
revenge on Ranma and Shampoo.

There were the sounds of a brief struggle from the alley and then an 
ominous silence.

Sometime later, Akane and Ryoga woke up to find themselves lying in an 
alleyway together. The pair looked at each other, neither sure what was 
going on. And both of them wondered why they felt so refreshed and their 
hair smelled so nice.

% It is a nice way to make people forget.



xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Genma was about to switch the device off and open it up to see how the 
components were holding up when a shimmering suddenly appeared in the 
air near him and Soun and quickly blossomed out into a roundish region 
of blue-shifted light. A moment later two figures suddenly appeared 
there, stepping out of the distortion, the duo uniformed and armed with 
rifles held firmly in their gloved hands. Sheer surprise caused both men 
to hesitate.

The resulting combat was brief. Seen underneath the door leading to the 
room Genma was using as his private study were two brief flashes of 
light, accompanied by two muted sounds that were very similar to gunfire.

% Hmm


xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
about?”

The woman smirked. “I am Nodoka Kamiya, male. You are now a captive of 
the Solnoid Matriarchy, and you will answer my questions.”

% Hmm. That could be bad



xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Silk gazed at the photographs on the table in front of her and frowned. 
They showed four bodies in various states of recent decomposition, two 
of the replicants and their hunters.

% Oh? Surprise they all bit the dust, but it's good to close off some 
sub plots


The man stood and bowed in return, his stiff expression softening at

The bartender, Bao, wiped a glass with a rag casually as he watched the 
pair with solemn eyes. He had just rebuilt his place for the fourth 
time, and he was hoping to get through the night in peace rather than in 
pieces. Cloaked and hooded strangers usually meant trouble for him.

% Ain't that the truth?


“We’re in kind of a hurry.” Perfume closed her cloak a bit more, not 
liking the Japanese man’s regard of her. “Is it a fast ship?”

“Fast ship?” interjected Ryo. “You’ve never heard of the Black Lagoon?”

“Should I have?” Perfume’s gaze was cool. She was wondering if the 
irritating man was making fun of her.

“It’s the ship that made the Kyoto run in less than twelve hours,”

% Ah, one must love this speech. ^_^

Lee shook his head. “You might be surprised how psychotic actresses can 
be.” He looked briefly thoughtful. “No, she’s not the one. But I am 
considering her for a villain role in the movie.

% Yes, she would fit in at that


Beneath that mantle of cloth, she wore a golden dress with slender 
straps that tied behind her neck, the slit in her calf-length skirt 
revealing long, graceful legs. Her athletic frame radiated graceful 
power and feminine sensuality. The dress was backless, her favored 
style, showing an amazingly lifelike Tiger tattoo that took up the 
majority of her back. To those who knew her, this woman was called the 
Tigress, but she had once been known as Lao Cane, a Joketsuzoku. The 
feline depicted in her tattoo was identical to its mistress, radiating 
power and possessing a beauty that called out for it to be tamed. She 
rarely flaunted the image, preferring it remained hidden, unless she 
wanted to show it off. The man she was with had earned that privilege 
and more.

% Which means he's both very bad, and very good. ^_^

He had paused to watch her remove her outer covering, drinking in the 
sight of her, and then he did the same, beginning by removing his mask. 
Behind the covering, the visage of Shishio Makoto was revealed, a clone 
of the original and possessed of all that one’s memories and skills, and 
he smiled at her when it was removed. She was one of the few people in 
the world who had ever seen his genuine smile. He unbelted his swords 
and set them down with reverence, for they were the original Makoto’s 
blades, acquired at great cost. He then began removing his outer robes 
and formal armor, taking his time, knowing that doing so would inflame 
the woman’s libido.

% Oh yes, he is then


He had read that the Tokyo Battledome was remodeled a few years ago to 
provide a variable fighting area to increase audience excitement. At the 
flip of a few switches in the control room, spikes could be raised 
through the floor, metal plates and a thin layer of oil could be spread 
to make footing more treacherous, or any of a dozen other obstacles 
could be placed. This was to make the fights within the Plexiglas walls 
surrounding the fighting area more dangerous, which meant it was more 
exciting for the audiences to watch. Currently, the floor was set in its 
default mode, a bare, rubberized surface.

% Interesting additions that add a neat twist


“By the terms of your contract, that would be considered a forfeit to 
the Amazon. Your six months in the Arena would begin immediately, and 
you would lose the opportunity for a rematch after one month.”

% Of course we now know that Ranma will lose (well, that could have been 
guessed) and he'll be winning the rematch a month from now


She abruptly turned her thoughts away from such gloomy things, watching 
as one of the younger women turned on the television. I will give these 
outsiders credit for one thing; they create the most amazing devices for 
entertainment,

% Might want to put single parentheses around the thought since it 
sounds like dialogue.


“<Ah, I thought as much,>“ said Cologne. “<Perhaps a trip might not be 
out of order for the two of us.>“

% Interesting.



If he defeated Shampoo, he won a significant tax-free cash prize but 
would be engaged to her under Imperial law, an engagement contract that 
neither of them could rescind. If he lost, then six months of his life 
would be spent in here as a prisoner. He did have an option for a 
rematch, but the penalty for losing that one would be to spend a year in 
here instead of six months. There were also a few other options he had 
noticed, but the chances of them occurring were practically nil so he 
didn’t even bother considering them.

% Which means they will almost certainly come into play at some point.

His only way out he could see, unless he wanted to fight for the next 
six months of his life in the Arena, was for him to go straight through 
Shampoo in one-on-one combat. There was no clever bypass out of this 
situation. He would simply have to take her head on, stand toe-to-toe 
against her and hope he had progressed enough in his abilities to defeat 
her. She was undefeated, a strong martial artist in a place filled with 
powerful fighter,

% fighters



xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Akane was lying on her bed, and she flipped through the channels to see 
if anything interesting was on. Mecha show... pass. Evening news... 
boring. Romance movie... nahh. Another anime show... ick... pervert 
stuff... pass. She paused on the Arena’s channel to catch the beginning 
of the ‘Amazon Challenge’ about to begin. Now this was more like it.

% Hmm. She must have been distracted to forget her idol was fighting 
tonight.

She tilted her head to one side, thinking there was something familiar 
about Shampoo’s incoming challenger tonight, but the camera view was 
from too far away to be sure. She whistled softly in appreciation as the 
boy leaped into the Arena in such a brazen fashion. Now that looks like 
a real man, she thought with a smile.

When the camera focused in on his face, her scream of horror could be 
heard throughout the neighborhood.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Nodoka was watching the small portable television in the kitchen while 
she cleaned up after dinner. She was watching the Arena’s channel since 
it was the only interesting thing on during a Friday night, unless she 
wanted to watch another episode of ‘Battlecruiser Macross’ tonight. She 
liked the show, but the romance plotlines were getting a little thick 
even for her. She had flipped on the Arena channel to have a little 
noise in the background while she put things away.

She happened to glance over at the television screen in time to see her 
son suddenly appear on camera. He was challenging to win the Chinese 
Amazon as his bride. Nodoka paused to think about that, thoughts of 
grandchildren suddenly filling her mind again. Her shout of joy could be 
heard throughout the neighborhood.

% Nice contrast

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

“My name?” asked Ranma with less than his usual wit. He was feeling a 
little intimidated by all of the cameras. “My name is Ranma Saotome, 
heir to the Anything-Goes School of Martial Arts,”

% Oops. That will raise eyebrows among those who thought it was wiped out


xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Perfume stared at the television, aghast at what she was seeing. She and 
Mousse were seated in a grungy restaurant finishing up their dinner. 
There was a small number of Shampoo’s fans clustered over by the bar, 
cheering for her whenever she appeared on screen.

She was too late. Shampoo was going to become a Joketsuzoku legend, and 
she could only watch it happen.

% I don't follow that line of thought. Shampoo's fought in plenty of 
matches before. Why is Perfume so convinced this is the end of the line?

He’s better than I thought he’d be, mused Shampoo clinically during the 
exchange. A lot better.

% Again I would offset that with single quotes


“I have to go take care of something, Jun-kun,” she said, standing up 
suddenly. “I’ll be right back.”

% Hmm. I'll see how it plays out, but to be honest, having Ranma lose 
fairly would be the best way to do things. All the more encouragement to 
improve.




“I’m Golgo Twelve,” replied the man coldly. “You’re Yumi Kuonji. Keel 
Lorentz sends his regards.” With that, he attacked with his blade.

% I was going to have him refer to his cloning facilities (which are 
many) as Body Banks.



“Now you die, you bitch,” Golgo growled,


% Heh. Very different from the canon Golgo. He really was a human 
machine. Never said a word he didn't need to. Never hesitated. Just went 
from job to job, killing as he needed.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ranma felt a few drops of blood suddenly splash his hand and cheek, 
distracting him for a moment from Shampoo’s intense gaze. He glanced 
upwards and saw a body plummeting down towards her from behind her. 
Without thinking, his only desire to protect her from harm, he leaped 
forward with all of his remaining strength and tackled the Amazon hard, 
knocking her back out of the way a second before Golgo’s body landed 
head-first with a sickening snap of bones on the very same spot where 
Shampoo had just been standing. The force of his solid impact into her 
midsection rendered her unconscious immediately. As their bodies came to 
a rest on the Arena floor, the chemical cocktail in his system completed 
their task and he too collapsed, his head falling to rest on her breasts.

% Yeah, I didn't care much for this fight at all. He's drugged and still 
fights her to a standstill. Actually he saves her and still battles to a 
standstill. This sends the message he doesn't even need to get any 
better to beat her. He just needs to do it not drugged. My advice is 
have Golgo miss the shot, and have them draw. You're taking tension out 
of an upcoming conflict.





“I do not wish to hear explanations for your stupidity in this matter,” 
said Shishio, his voice modulated by the mask into a deeper, even more 
chilling timbre than his normal tones. “Nor do I care for your reasons 
in attempting to cheat the boy of his rightful victory against the 
Joketsuzoku.” He glanced back briefly at his wife before returning his 
gaze to the other man. “The courtship of a woman of the Joketsuzoku is a 
pure thing, a holy rite that separates the strong from the weak. To be 
able to claim a woman of that tribe as a bride is a rare privilege and 
honor for a man, and I am personally offended at what you have done to 
this boy to sully his victory over the girl.”

% This speech still works if the Director simply tried to cheat as well.

“Hello, Son-In-Law,” suddenly said a voice from the door, startling him.

% Wow. That was fast

“Gah! Old Ghoul!” Ranma shouted reflexively, looking over and seeing 
Cologne standing there in the doorway, her ancient visage frowning at 
his unexpectedly rude greeting. Running Deer was there as well, beaming 
with happiness at seeing her friend finally find a guy for herself.

“What Great-Grandmother doing here?” Shampoo asked, puzzled.

“That would be my doing,” said Director Kasuga from the doorway as he 
and the others came into the room. Yumi and Master Lee came in as well. 
“I brought her here to Japan at the personal request of the Emperor.

% Oh
”

% Well, interesting changes from the original. We'll see how things play 
out now.