Onions and Tears
The Saturday morning sun slowly rose over Japan, the warm glow
shimmering over the concrete skyline of the distant city center,
but here, in the 'burbs' it was quiet. The wind was still, and
only the chirping of a few small birds bid the morning welcome.
GRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNND! WHIIIRRRRRRR!
WHIZZZZZZZZZ! BANG! BANG! Ranma slowly opened one eye as the
sounds of utter destruction shocked him from peaceful sleep.
"uuuhhhhh..," He groaned as he rolled out of his futon. The
sound seemed to be coming from the hall outside his room.
Tiredly he walked to his door and opened it, taking a careful,
if not tired, peek into the hallway. Now the racket was
accompanied by a smell. Either something was on fire, or
someone was electrocuting cats wrapped in tinfoil. Ranma slowly
staggered towards the source of the commotion.
Tiredly, Ranma peered into the kitchen. Covering every square
centimetre of countertop were iron pots, nabe pans, spoons, and
several assortments of burning food in various stages of
preparation. The mess clearly spelled Akane in bold red
letters. Akane herself was facing away from Ranma, standing on
a footstool, trying to fetch a bag of buckwheat flour from a top
shelf. Ranma walked over to the open refrigerator and grabbed
himself a can of orange juice. He moved over behind Akane,
looking up at her backside inquisitively.
"Yo, Akane.."
Her scream cut him off, and the bag of flour hit him squarely
in the face and exploded.
"Ranma! You JERK!" she screamed. Buckwheat flour snowed down
around them. Akane angrily glared at Ranma. Ranma, still
tired, opened up and took a sip of his orange juice. "I don't
suppose you wanna tell me exactly what you are trying to do
here," Ranma said from beneath the mountain of flour on his head.
"I was cooking! can't you tell?" Akane growled.
"Cooking? For what?" Ranma snorted. "Everyone knows that when
you start cooking, fire, death and panic are sure to follow."
"Hmmph!" Akane snorted back. She grabbed a nearby pitcher of
water and poured it over Ranma's head. The water and flour
mixing to form a nice smooth paste, coating Ranma's body as he
changed into a she.
"Whaddidya do that for?" Ranma-chan yelled. Akane smirked and
was about to make a colourful comment when she was interrupted
by Kasumi.
"Oh my goodness!" Kasumi said, clearly shocked at the sight of
the kitchen. She stood at the edge of the kitchen in her
pyjamas. Nabiki stuck her head out from the hall, just behind
Kasumi. She was followed by Soun and Genma.
"Uh huh, just as I thought, Akane is in the kitchen. That is
six dollars Kasumi," Nabiki grinned.
"Uh, Akane! What is going on here?" Soun demanded. "Have you
and Ranma been fighting again? Is that what all this mess is
from?"
"Well boy? What is going on here?" Genma said sternly. Akane
sniffed at her father and stomped out of the kitchen.
Ranma-chan just sat there. Nabiki stepped over to Ranma-chan,
tapping on the buckwheat that had hardened like plaster around
Ranma-chan's body.
"Nope, Akane was cooking, and it looks like Ranma got in the
middle of it," Nabiki said. Ranma-chan's exposed eyes glared
into space, and a muffled yelling could be heard.
The Tendo family sat around their table eating breakfast.
Genma sat off to the side of the table, slowly chipping the
buckwheat plaster off of Ranma-chan. "Well boy, it's nothing to
be ashamed of," Genma said as he chipped away. "And besides,
Akane is only trying to cook, I'm sure it is because she wants
to be a good wife, and you should be glad that she is your
fiancee and willing to try so hard for you."
That was all it took, Ranma-chan, enraged, broke free of the
plaster and jumped to the other end of the room. "That is easy
for you to say!" she yelled. "You're not the one who is engaged
to a walking temper tantrum!"
"Who is having the tantrum?" Nabiki muttered to Kasumi.
"That's enough boy!" Genma yelled. "Now sit down."
Ranma-chan, still enraged, sat down at the table, rocking with
anger.
"Akane, what is it you were trying to do this morning?" Kasumi
asked.
Akane looked around the table before answering. "I was trying
to practice for the Martial Arts Traditional Meal Preparation
Contest," Akane said slowly.
"Martial Arts Traditional Meal Preparation contest?" They all
said in unison.
"Yes," said Akane. "I was trying to make the Anything Goes
School Of Martial Arts Tendo Kaiseki meal."
"Akane!" Kasumi gasped. "That is a five course meal".
"Yeah," Akane muttered. "And I was getting along just fine
with it until bonehead there showed up."
"Hey!" Ranma-chan protested. "I didn't do nuthin! I never
would have even been in the kitchen if you hadn't been making so
much noise. I don't know what you are doing trying to enter
this contest for Akane, let's face it. You can't cook. You
can't even pick out good food in a restaurant."
"Fine Ranma," Akane blurted, on the edge of tears. "See if I
care." With that, Akane stood up and left.
Soun watched her leave, then he turned to Ranma-chan. "Well?"
he asked. "Aren't you going to go after her?"
"Tendo is right boy," Genma said sternly. "You and Akane have
to learn to work together so that someday you can truly carry on
the Anything Goes School of Martial blaaarrrs." Ranma-chan,
holding an empty water bucket, regarded the large panda for a
second before retreating to his room.
"I still say we should have left him in the plaster," Nabiki
sighed.
Later that morning Kasumi was helping Akane in the kitchen with
the kaiseki. Nabiki was leaning against the wall nearby, arms
folded, watching the melee with a crooked smile. Akane looked a
little out of place in her apron. Her face was dusted with
flour and her cheeks were rather flushed. She sighed as she
absently brought an electric mixer to bear on some chicken
breasts.
"No! No! Akane!" Kasumi said softly, but sternly. "You can't
use an electric mixer to chop up chicken meat!" It was too
late, the storm of decimated chicken had already started. Small
bits of the flightless bird were zooming across the kitchen at
near lethal speed. Akane let out a yelp and ducked as the mixer
seemed to take on a mind of its own, spewing chicken meat in
random directions. Nabiki couldn't take it anymore and fell
over in a fit of giggles.
"Oh my goodness!" Kasumi yelled unfashionably. Akane, hiding
behind the counter, spotted the mixer's power cord. A quick
snap kick to the plug and it was all over.
Akane stood up, regarded the mess, and sighed. She watched
Kasumi, who was already collecting all the chicken bits off of
the walls and floor. Then she turned her eyes to Nabiki, who
was out of breath from giggling, and just layed there on the
floor making a wheezing sound.
"Awww I'm no good at this!" Akane spat. "It is a martial arts
cooking contest. I'm not supposed to be using utensils or
appliances anyway." Akane turned around and spotted some nearby
onions. She let loose with her right fist, neatly peeling the
onion, and then mincing it in one blow. "Yeeeaah!" she hit
another. Ranma you Jerk, I'll show you, she thought. Tears
began to stream down her cheeks as she worked. She convinced
herself that it was just the onions, nothing more.
Ranma-chan was perched on a rooftop flipping through an old
Saotome martial arts manual. "Aha!" she thought aloud.
"Saotome Tempura, I can enter the contest with this. After
all, someone from the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts has
to make something that won't kill all the judges."
"So future son in law, thinking about entering the contest?"
asked a creaky old voice. Startled, Ranma-chan nearly jumped
out of her clothes.
"Ah you old ghoul!" Ranma-chan yelled. "Where did you come
from?"
"Four thousand years of Chinese Amazon history has endowed me
one or two skills future son in law," Cologne croaked, peering
up at Ranma-chan. "If you have a minute, I have something for
you at the Ramen shop." Ranma-chan blinked, paused, and then
eyed Cologne suspiciously.
"You wouldn't be trying to pull anything funny now would you?"
Ranma-chan implored.
"Of course not future son in law," Cologne beamed. "Three
thousand years of Chinese Amazon history wouldn't let me do
anything of the sort." Cologne turned around and began to head
off in the direction of the Ramen shop. "You better hurry if
you want your surprise future son in law!" she yelled over her
shoulder. She grinned to herself, being sneaky was an entirely
different matter.
Ranma-chan sighed, knowing this could be trouble. She took off
in the direction which Cologne had left.
"Wait up you old ghoul!" she yelled at Cologne. Bouncing from
rooftop to rooftop she chased after the old beldam, barely able
to keep her in sight. Upon reaching the Ramen shop, Ranma-chan
carefully dropped herself down to the street, scanning for
Cologne. Cautiously, she began to edge towards the door.
"Heads up!" yelled Cologne from the rooftop. Ranma-chan had
just enough time to look up at Cologne holding a bucket before
she was drenched by hot water.
"Augh!" Ranma muttered, turning his head to Cologne. "I knew
you were up to some. . . hey where did she go?" Ranma searched
the rooftop looking for the decrepit little old woman before
being kicked in the backside through the Ramen shop door.
Cologne stood just behind where Ranma had been standing, smiling
in an evil sort of way.
Inside, Ranma was greeted by an empty shop, turned down lights,
and Shampoo, scantily clad in a light pink lace apron. Shampoo
pounced on Ranma, knocking him to the ground.
"Hiyah!" Shampoo exclaimed happily. "Shampoo is so happy to
see Ranma, it has been a very long time!" Shampoo purred at
Ranma. Ranma, in shock, made dumb boy-man noises. Shampoo
hugged Ranma close to her, suffocating him in her cleavage.
"Ranma happy to see Shampoo?" she asked innocently.
Ranma, clearly getting very frustrated, had to put his hands on
Shampoo's breasts so he could push his face up for air.
"Shampoo!" Ranma gasped. "I told you I'm not interested."
Looking hurt, Shampoo climbed off of Ranma, and slowly walked
to the window. "Shampoo not look nice enough for you?"
"What? No that's not it at all," Ranma began. Shampoo turned
around quickly, being sure to bounce in all the right places.
Beaming at Ranma, she pointed to a sign on the wall.
"See there Ranma? Great Grandma is sponsoring the contest.
The winner get to take whoever they want out of all contestants
on weekend cruise to Okinawa. You want to win now don't you
Ranma?" Shampoo asked sweetly.
"Are you competing?" Ranma asked abruptly.
"Of course. Shampoo will try very hard to win. Shampoo is
looking forward to our cruise," Shampoo said longingly, batting
her eyelashes at Ranma.
"Yeah, ok, great." Ranma laughed lightly. "Heh, well I gotta
get going, I want to get home before it gets too late you know,
seeya." Ranma bolted out the door.
Cologne stepped out of the shadows, regarding Shampoo for a
minute, and then the door where Ranma had left.
"Five Thousand years of Chinese Amazon history," she sighed.
"I think we got him this time Shampoo." Evil croaking laughter
filled the Ramen shop.
Back at the Tendo home, Soun, Nabiki, and Genma were sitting
around the table. They all bore pale looks of impending doom,
as they were all about to eat Akane's cooking. Kasumi entered
carrying half of the meal, Akane followed with the rest. After
arranging the food on the table, Akane and Kasumi took their
seats. Soun glanced over to Genma, who was observing Nabiki.
Nabiki quietly sniffed at the aroma of the food, trying to sense
anything that might be lethal.
"Well?" Akane demanded. "Is anyone going to eat anything?"
Soun cleared his throat several times, glancing around the
table. "Uh, Saotome, please go ahead," Soun said evenly.
"Oh no Tendo, I couldn't. This is your house, you should go
first," Genma replied. Soun was starting to sweat at his brow.
"Nabiki, please, have some."
"Oh no dad, you should really go first," Nabiki replied flatly.
"The food is going to get cold," Akane chimed.
Soun, sensing defeat, looked down at the small plate in front
of him, trying to pick out something that looked both
recognisable, and non deadly. The sweat on his brow became
quite pronounced. Finally, after several hasty seconds of
deliberation, Soun picked up his chopsticks, and nabbed a small
piece of food that resembled a spark plug. He brought the
chopsticks slowly to his mouth, and all eyes were on him.
Taking a breath before tasting the food, Soun said a small
prayer in case of death. Then, closing his eyes he took a bite.
It took several seconds to convince himself to actually chew.
He swallowed, and was pleasantly suprised, he was alive, and no
slimy green monster had popped out of his stomach and terrorised
Furinkan. He was also suprised that it actually tasted good.
"Mmmmmmm! Just like how my grandma used to make it," Soun said
proudly, smiling at Akane. Everyone else breathed a sigh of
relief, and then cautiously began to eat. The caution was soon
left behind as they became absorbed in just how good it was.
Just a little too good it seemed. About halfway through the
meal, Nabiki noticed that Akane and Kasumi both had flushed
cheeks. Kasumi paused as she noticed her vision go fuzzy, and
then double.
"Akane, how much sake did you use in this?" Kasumi asked
happily.
"Obviously quite a bit," roared Genma. "Ha ha hahaha
hahahahaha hic."
"I think I used too much," Akane said sheepishly. She was
having a little trouble navigating her chopsticks and got
chicken up her nose.
"Bah!" Genma said loudly, abandoning his chopsticks in favour
of his fingers. Soun was having a little trouble sitting, and
fell over in a fit of giggles with a mouthful of rice, spewing
it everywhere. The table roared with laughter.
Ranma, walking home atop a convenient fence, watched the sun
set in the distance. He pondered what exactly Cologne was up
to.
She wants to send me on that cruise with Shampoo, that is for
sure, but what exactly is she planning in order for that to
happen. One thing is for sure, Akane is going to have a fit no
matter what happens. Yeesh, nothing is scarier.
Ranma arrived at the gate to the Tendo home. He slowly walked
up to the door, and cautiously entered, fearing an ambush by a
still angry Akane. What he saw is what he did not expect, his
father passed out on the floor. Through the open door to the
north side of the house, he could see Soun passed out in the
garden.
"Crazy old man," Ranma said quietly. "I think I'll just leave
you two be until morning."
Ranma turned down the hallway to go to his room. Passing by
Kasumi's room, the door was open, and he could see Kasumi,
gently spinning around her room with her hairbrush. Ranma
paused for a second, and then continued down the hallway.
Nabiki's door was closed, as well as Akane's. As he passed by
the bathroom, he could hear the shower going. Finally he made
it to his room, opened the door and entered. Leaving the light
off, he closed the door and layed down on his futon. He was
tired, but not sleepy. He heard the shower turn off in the
bathroom. Staring at the ceiling, he began to count the well
known tiles. Yup, they were all there. He yawned, and was
about to roll over when the door to his room opened up.
"Huh? what the...," he mumbled, looking up at the door. Lit by
the light of the hallway it was hard to make out who it was, but
then the door closed, and it was plain to see. Akane stood in
front of the door, fresh out of the shower. Ranma was too
bewildered to speak or move. Somehow, Akane didn't look to be
so uncute and obnoxious anymore. Akane looked radiant, even in
the dim light of the room. She slowly walked towards Ranma's
futon, and then gently lowered herself and layed front down over
Ranma. Ranma could feel a slight dampness to her skin, and her
freshly washed hair smelled very nice. She whispered something,
Ranma strained to hear it.
". .wish you knew how much," Akane whispered very softly.
Ranma was perplexed. What in the world brought this on? he
thought to himself. Akane made a happy little sleepy moan.
Ranma layed there for several minutes, afraid to move. Then,
when Akane seemed to be asleep, he ever so slowly squirmed his
way out from underneath her. He reached down to the end of his
futon, and pulled a blanket over Akane. He stood there for a
moment, watching over her, before silently leaving the room.
Standing in the hallway he softly closed the door. He turned
around and let out a small yelp. Nabiki was leaning against the
wall, wearing her pyjamas. She was vigorously brushing her
teeth, a bit of toothpaste froth dribbling down her chin. She
seemed to have a glint of some sort in her eye.
"Sbo? dib you look?" Nabiki prodded.
"Huh, look at what?" Ranma frowned.
"Ybou know exactly whbat I mbean Ranba," Nabiki said, hands on
her hips . "Ybou can sbay what ybou want tbo Ranba, but
tomorrow, Akane ibs goboing to wabke up naked, and in your
rboom. Sleep well," Nabiki said cheerfully, retreating to her
room.
Ranma thought it would be wise to sleep out in the garden.
The next morning, Ranma woke up to the sound of Soun cursing
lightly to himself. Ranma rolled over to see Soun sitting on
the ground, slowly rubbing his forehead. Soun turned around and
slowly crawled towards the house, Ranma followed. Once inside,
they kneeled down at the table. Genma, already seated, was
holding his entire head.
"Tendo," Genma said softly. "What does your daughter have
against me?"
"Why?" asked Ranma. "What happened last night?"
"We all ate Akane's kaiseki meal, she used too much sake and we
all became rather intoxicated," Soun said slowly.
"I'll say," said Nabiki as she walked into the room. She sat
down beside Soun, squinting in the morning light. "So Ranma,
have you seen Akane this morning?"
"Oh yeah," Ranma laughed nervously, "um nope, no sign of her
yet."
"Good, then I haven't missed anything," Nabiki grinned.
Kasumi walked into the room, she smiled weakly at everyone, and
then plopped down onto the floor, putting her head down on the
table. "Oooooh," she moaned. "I feel terrible."
The table sat in silence, everyone indulging in their own self
pity, and Ranma very nervous. Genma looked over to Ranma,
noticing the look on his face.
"Cheer up boy. Akane won't be that upset about you missing
supper last night," Genma said encouragingly.
"Yeah," chimed Nabiki. "I am sure she won't be upset about
that at all."
Ranma coughed several times, laughing hesitantly, and then
choking as Akane slowly walked into the room, looking very pale.
"I'm really sorry for what happened last night everyone," she
said softly.
"That's allright Akane, it is good to learn from one's
mistakes. I am very proud of you," Soun said, smiling at Akane.
"Tendo is right Akane, "Genma began. "It is part of the path
to being a true martial artist."
Akane just stood there, the words bouncing of her. She was
looking at Ranma, tears welling up in her eyes. She turned and
ran off outside.
Soun turned to Ranma. "Have you two been fighting again?" Soun
demanded. "Well? Well?"
"Boy! I told you Akane would be upset that you missed supper
last night! You better go after her," Genma yelled, pointing in
the direction Akane left. Ranma sighed and took off after
Akane. Once out on the street, Ranma began to search, and tried
to figure out what he was going to say if he found her.
Ranma finally spotted Akane. She was sitting on a park bench,
beneath a large tree.
He stooped over to pick a few flowers before approaching her.
She didn't even look up at him as he approached.
"Yo, Akane. . ," Ranma began.
"Go away Ranma," Akane said flatly.
Ranma turned to leave, but stopped. "Just hear me out Akane,
and then I'll leave." Ranma looked at Akane, but she didn't say
anything. "Look, nothing happened that you should be worried or
concerned about. You came into my room, and layed down on my
bed. I covered you up, and left. I slept out on the lawn
beside your father." This didn't seem to be going anywhere.
Ranma sat down beside Akane, she still didn't look at him. "Hey
Akane, c'mon. I respect you more than you may think." Still no
response. The flowers, he thought, use the flowers. "Here, I
got these for you, thought maybe they would make you feel
better." He held the flowers out to her, noticing that they
were slightly squished. Apparently he was more nervous than he
thought. He waited for about a minute before she slowly turned
her head to look at the flowers. He could tell that she had
been crying a lot. She reached out, Ranma flinched, expecting a
reverse punch to the head, but she only took the flowers. Ranma
watched Akane as she gently arranged the flowers in her hand.
"Thank you Ranma," she said quietly. She fiddled with the
flowers for a bit, and then
selected one, fixing it in her hair. "I'm sorry."
"Hey, don't worry," Ranma said, smiling. "C'mon, lets go
home." Akane looked up at Ranma, smiling slightly. She nodded,
and the two began to walk home together.
From across the street, behind a few hedges, Genma and Soun
gave each other a high-five.
In the garden of the Tendo training hall, a loud commotion
filled the air.
"Whaddya mean I can't use utensils?" Ranma yelled.
"It's a martial arts contest boy," Genma confirmed. "You have
to use your martial arts skills to prepare the food."
Ranma boggled. He looked over the tempura batter, the
vegetables, and meat, then his gaze settled on the large pot of
boiling oil. "You have to be kidding me."
"C'mon boy!" Genma said loudly. "The path to being a true
martial artist means being ready for anything, at any time."
"Yeah, you're a real help," Ranma muttered. "Do ya think one
day you might start making some sense?"
"Bah!" Genma yelled. "How do you plan on taking over the
Anything Goes School Of Martial Arts with that attitude? For
thousands of years teachers have left their students dumbfounded
by useless blather, in hopes that one day the student would be
stupid enough to find some sort of wisdom in the words."
"Ok, you're so smart, lets see you fish something out of the
oil," Ranma rebuked.
Genma looked over the pot of boiling oil, and began to sweat a
little. He cleared his throat, slowly dipping a leek into the
batter, and dropping it into the oil. He watched it sizzle, and
swallowed nervously. Then when the leek was finished cooking,
he brought his hand over the pot. He took a breath, and with
lightning fast speed, he grabbed the battered leek out of the
oil. He turned to Ranma, a sly grin on his face. Genma then
let out a loud howl, and flipped backwards, all the way across
the garden, landing in the pond. Genma, in panda form, splashed
around the pond making panda sounds that would one day be
translated by scientists as "OOOOoooooouuucccccch!!"
"See?" Ranma said in his fathers direction. "This is nuts,
there is no way that I can do this." Ranma exhaled, rubbing his
forehead in defeat. Nabiki, who was watching, came over and
looked at Ranma.
"I think you should try it in girl form, you are much faster
that way." Said Nabiki from behind Ranma.
"No way! I am not voluntarily becoming a girl ever again!"
Ranma said loudly.
"Fine, have it your way Ranma," Nabiki smiled. She brought out
a bucket of cold water she had behind her back and drenched him.
"Now that you have involuntarily become a girl, you might as
well try."
"Why dya do that?" Ranma-chan fumed.
"Because, Ranma, "Nabiki said calmly. "Believe it or not, I
have more faith in your abilities than Akane's. Now, are you
going to see if you can do this or not?"
Ranma-chan glanced up at Nabiki, looking for a single sign of
sincerity in her eyes. Seeing none, she smiled crookedly.
Rolling up her sleeves, Ranma-chan turned back to the pot of
oil. She selected a leek and dipped it in the batter, and
dropped it in the oil. Both Nabiki and Ranma-chan watched it
cook. Then, it was done. Ranma-chan concentrated, and raised
her right hand.
"YAAAHH!!" Ranma-chan yelled as she plunged her hand into the
oil and retrieved the leek and placed it on a plate. Ranma-chan
paused and blinked a few times before leaping across the garden.
"Yahooo!!! I did it! I can believe I did it! hahaha!"
Ranma-chan bounced around happily. Nabiki sighed as she passed
a small wad of money to the Panda.
It was the day of the contest. Many people milled about in the
Furinkan community centre where the contest was being held.
Outside the large building, a line of contestants was forming.
Ramna-chan and Akane stood at the back of the line, each holding
a large sack of ingredients and wares for the contest. Akane,
dressed in her gi, was a sharp contrast to Ranma-chan's skimpy
tank top and shorts.
"Do you think you could have worn something a little more
appropriate Ranma?" Akane chided, leaning on a short fence
beside the line.
"Well, you know what they say," Ranma-chan began. "When you've
got it, you've got it. And I got it." Ranma-chan smiled
briefly, and began to frown as an all too familiar voice filled
the air.
"Pig-tailed girl! And Akane Tendo! What a suprise! I am
deeply honoured that you would save a spot in the line for me."
Kunou smiled proudly. " I know it is destiny that I shall win
this contest, like the rains of spring , and that you two
beautiful girls will serve me fruit and massage my toes on my
island cruise.."
"Give it a rest Kunou," Akane exhaled, rolling her eyes to the
sky.
"My my Pig-tailed girl, you look radiant like some mystical
mountain peaks on an early summers day," Kunou said, his eyes
glued to Ranma-chan's bustline. Ranma-chan eyed Kunou for a
second before speaking
"Hey Kunou, there is a bug on your face."
"What? Where?" Kunou asked.
"Right there!" Ranma-chan yelled as she punched Kunou between
the eyes, knocking him over the fence and into the hedges.
The line surged ahead as the contest door opened. Ranma-chan
and Akane were directed to their reserved spots on the floor.
Interestingly enough, Shampoo was set up right beside
Ranma-chan. Kunou was directly across from Ranma-chan and
Akane. The contestants eagerly set up their equipment and
ingredients, as the judges walked around informing everyone
about the rules. Ranma-chan sighed as she finished setting up.
She looked up as she heard someone new nearby.
"Hey Ranma!" Ukyo smiled as she set up. She was right beside
Kunou, across from Shampoo.
"Hey Ukyo," Ranma-chan said softly, looking over at
Akane. Akane was glaring at Shampoo. Shampoo was glaring at
Ukyo, and Ukyo was glaring at Akane. Great, thought Ranma-chan,
I better say something. "Hey Kunou, what meal are you making?"
Kunou coughed a few times and looked around cautiously.
"I am, err, making the traditional Kunou school of Kendo...."
Kunou paused for a second. "Boiled egg on toast."
"What?!" boggled Akane. "That is hardly traditional."
"It is not the essence of the meal itself, but the tradition
and technique that goes into the preparation that is important,"
Kunou said softly. "Now if you will excuse me, I will leave
briefly to regain my pride." Kunou, tears streaming down his
face from Akane's harsh words, stood up and went to the washroom.
"I am making okonomiyaki, of course," smiled Ukyo.
"Let me guess, Shampoo is making Ramen," muttered
Akane.
"You smart girl," chimed Shampoo. She then turned to
Ranma-chan and purred softly.
Ranma-chan looked to the ceiling and sighed. She was about to
say something when she noticed a small person dressed in a greed
robe standing in front of her.
"Where did you come from you old fossil?" Ranma-chan
demanded.
"Son in law, you don't think I would sponsor a contest like
this and not participate? I am judging the competition of
course."
"What?" Akane ,Ranma-chan, and Ukyo yelled in unison.
"Yes of course, it says so on that sign," Cologne said matter
of factly, pointing up. Akane, Ranma-chan and Ukyo looked over
the sign. While their attention was diverted, Cologne sprinkled
some strange powder on Akane's ingredients. Shampoo reached
over and sprinkled some powder on Ukyo's ingredients. Shampoo
and Cologne winked at each other.
"Well, I had better get to the judges table, good luck to all
of you," Cologne croaked.
She laughed as she walked away.
"I don't like this one bit," muttered Ranma-chan. "The old bag
is up to something."
"Not like her little bratty grand daughter would
ever tell us," Akane muttered back.
"Something wrong Akane?" Ukyo asked.
"Oh, she always like that," Shampoo said. "Big temper and hips
is very bad."
Ukyo laughed at the remark. Akane was clearly getting upset.
"You have a problem, pizza girl?" Akane demanded, her fists
clenched.
"See, what I tell you?" Shampoo chimed.
"Shut up little miss noodle!" Akane yelled.
The three girls glared at each other, mental daggers flying.
Ranma-chan cowered, trying not to get hit if any physical
fighting began. Kunou returned, his composure regained. Just as
he sat down the loudspeakers came on, announcing that the
competition was about to start. Ranma-chan looked into the
crowd, saw his father, and the Tendo's sitting in the front row.
She glanced over to Akane.
"Good luck Akane," Ranma-chan whispered. Akane only nodded,
her attention on the task ahead of her. Then the contest began.
The contest floor was a frenzy of activity. Ukyo used her
fingernails to slice up cabbage, Shampoo mixed her broth with
one foot while fashioning noodles with the other, and Kunou
dropped an egg into boiling water. Ranma-chan concentrated on
her batter, wishing her father would stop yelling so loud from
the stands. Akane moved efficiently, preparing her ingredients
at an amazing speed. Soon the smells of cooking food wafted
through the centre. Stomachs growled.
Cologne sat at the judges table. She smiled whimsically, That
ancient Chinese amazon spice we put into Akane and Ukyo's
ingredients will make their meals taste so bad, they will lose
for sure. I have enough influence to make sure my Shampoo wins.
Again she croaked an evil laugh.
Kunou was bored. He watched his egg boil and sighed. He
hadn't noticed his clothes were a little to close to the gas
flame he was using to heat the water until he felt a burning
sensation. Yelling at the top of his lungs he jumped up and
began to flail around. He stepped out of his zone and into
Akane's, stomping madly. Akane's eyes grew wide as she watched
all her hard work be destroyed. Kunou, still on fire, continued
on his rampage, knocking over Ukyo's batter, and Shampoo's
ramen. Finally he tipped over Ranma-chan's' ingredients as he
beat the flames out. The floor was a big mess. Others in the
contest had all stopped and watched the spectacle. Akane was
watching the mess. It was growing.
"Ahh!" She said aloud. "Look! it's moving!"
All five of them watched the mess move and grow into some kind
of creature. All the other contestants began to panic. Cologne
was aghast. She had never realised that particular capability
of the ancient spice she had used. The creature was fully
formed now, it had only taken a few seconds. It was horrible.
It looked like a giant squid, covered in noodles.
It took a terrifying step towards Akane.
"I'll save you!" Yelled Kunou, drawing his wooden sword. He
charged the beast, but the creature countered, sending Kunou
flying. The creature then turned on Ukyo and Shampoo. Shampoo
took up a defensive posture, and gave the creature a three day
moon crescent kick as it approached. Ukyo whacked at the
monster with her flipper. The monster shrugged off the attack,
and shot forth streams of noodles that tied up both Ukyo and
Shampoo.
Akane and Ranma-chan attacked the monster from the other side.
Both delivering kicks, and punches as hard as they could.
"Ugg!" Yelled Ranma-chan. "We aren't having any affect!"
Akane spotted Kunou's boiling egg.
"Here!" She yelled as she tossed the water on Ranma-chan.
"YEEEOOOOWWCHH!!!" Ranma yelled. He looked a little pink, but
he was a guy none the less. "Allright!" He scowled, and leapt
at the monster, sending blow after blow. The monster swung
about, tossing Ranma to the side.
"Ranma!" Akane yelled, running to his side. "Are you ok?"
"No, but I will survive," Ranma replied, slowly getting to his
feet.
"Ranma!" Yelled Genma from the stands. "Use the dual
sidewinder spinning scythe attack!"
"You don't mean.." Began Soun.
"Yes, it is the super secret move of the Anything Goes School
Of Martial Arts." Genma said sternly.
Back in the fray, Ranma and Akane were giving themselves some
space.
"You ready Akane?" Ranma asked. Akane Nodded, and grabbed his
hands. Ranma began to spin Akane around as they yelled in
unison.
"Dual sidewinder spinning scythe attack!"
With that, Ranma and Akane became extensions of each others
body. Acting like a weapon that gives a little extra punch at
the point of impact, Ranma swung Akane around in an arc as they
approached the monster, Akane giving a thrust kick with each
orbit. The monster faltered, letting out sounds of pain and
anguish as it was beat back into nothing but compost.
As the dust settled, Genma and the rest of the Tendo family
stood around Akane and Ranma.
"Boy, I am proud," smiled Genma. "You and Akane worked
together and defeated the monster."
"Yes, it is amazing what can be accomplished when you
cooperate," said Soun softly. Akane nodded softly before
turning and heading for home. She felt cheated and upset about
what had happened, and thought a shower and bath were in order.
Ranma watched Akane leave and noticed Cologne approaching.
"What do you want now?" Ranma asked angrily.
"Well, I would say you won this contest son in law," Cologne
said. "Here," she held up a small envelope. "The cruise
tickets are in here, do what you want with them." Ranma took
the envelope and nodded.
* * *
It was the end of another day out at sea. Soun and Genma sat at
a table playing a game of Go. Nabiki and Kasumi were splashing
around in the ships pool, and the sounds of the sea filled the
air.
"This is the life eh Tendo?" Genma sighed. Soun only hummed
aloud as he looked over the board.
"Hey! Look at that, it's an orange seagull! Genma yelled,
pointing at the sky.
"What? Where! Where is it!" Soun scanned the sky not paying
attention to Genma, who was switching pieces around on the board.
At the stern of the ship, Akane leaned against the railing
watching the sun set against the mirror like sea. The wind blew
softly, billowing her skirt slightly, and moving through her
hair. She was deep in thought, absorbed in the perfect serenity
of the scene. Ranma approached from behind. He stood beside
Akane for awhile, then placed his hand on her back. He didn't
say anything, just looked out over the sea. Akane felt her
heart race, and then she relaxed. She smiled inwardly and
rested her head on Ranma's shoulder. Closing her eyes, she
inhaled the air and promised to never forget that moment.
THE END
D.D.Doll.
*Authors note: This story is meant to be read as an visual tv
episode. My writing background stems from script writing for
television and film. Although this story is not in a screenplay
format, it is one of my first public attempts at prose. Don't
take it too seriously, cause I don't :)
