[FFML] [Ranma] A Monsoon Souvenir

[ambulatory.kettle at yahoo.com]

Thanks for the feedback.  I can see how the plane sequence might drag a bit, maybe I'll cut some of the fluff.

I was worried that my indents might get scrubbed.  I'll fix that and repost a more readable version shortly.


________________________________
 From: Gary Kleppe <gary at garykleppe.org>
To: ffml at chez-vrolet.net 
Sent: Friday, March 15, 2013 2:15 PM
Subject: Re: [FFML] [Ranma] A Monsoon Souvenir
 
Overall, this was very nice. Good characterization, and some good romantic moments without going overboard or being too sappy.

I especially liked the last scene on the beach. Good dramatic tension. The part on the plane I don't think was quite so good. It established the location and premise, but not much more than that. If it were me, I'd at least shorten that part, but obviously it's up to you.

I do think it would improve readability of you skipped a line between paragraphs and/or indent the beginning of each one. Probably you would need to turn off HTML formatting in your email client in order to do this. The list converts HTML to text and that often messes up formatting in unexpected ways.

Anyway, it was a pleasant read. Thanks for posting it.

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