[FFML] [www][fanfic][MLP:FiM][Ben 10] "Charmcaster ~ Friendship Is Z" @ MythrilMoth.net

[Mythril Moth]

>> This is a crossover idea that got away from me and mutated into
>> something resembling a DBZ movie. Or the My Little Pony equivalent 
>> thereof.
>
> Despite not knowing MLP nor Ben 10 I had no problem following the story.

Knowing Ben 10 was only vaguely necessary; quite honestly, despite borrowing 
Charmcaster's name and appearance, for all intents and purposes she was an 
OC here. Familiarity with MLP:FiM would've helped a great deal, but I'm glad 
you were able to follow it. :)

> I liked seeing the ponies having to deal with a threat far beyond anything 
> they've experienced before. I would've maybe liked to see more 
> explorations of the locals' reactions. Perhaps some might want to just run 
> or surrender and might even discourage the other unicorns from fighting 
> back because of the reprisals it might cause? The reactions in your story 
> are pretty rational but there should at least be the possibility of less 
> sensible ones.

There's always room to expand this, of course, but my primary focus was the 
core of the story: Twilight goes to Unicornassus, finds out there's a nasty 
killer unicorn on the loose, epic magic fight. I'm actively aware of several 
plotholes in the story and at least one What Happened To The Mouse? (Noble 
Sword), but those are things I can go back and fix later if they REALLY 
bother me.

The main reason I didn't fix those was because I got into the vibe of 
writing this like a DBZ movie, and those are notorious for gaping plotholes 
and dangling loose threads. It felt natural, so I rolled with it. :) But 
yeah, I'll take your points under advisement if and when I revise this in 
the future.

> The ending felt rather deus ex machina. I've no doubt that the source 
> material completely justifies it, but maybe you could at least add some 
> more foreshadowing in the beginning about how friendship is the greatest 
> power of all or some such thing.

The ending WAS pretty deus ex machina, but it DOES make more sense if, as 
you noted, you're more familiar with the source material. The Elements of 
Harmony don't come into play against every single major enemy in the series 
(of which there are a grand total of FOUR to date), but when they ARE used, 
they're essentially the most powerful force in Equestria. If you're familiar 
with DBZ, they're like the Genkidama. Kinda.

Capsule summary: the Elements of Harmony focus the power of harmony and 
friendship between a group of ponies to erase evil intent, hatred, chaos, a 
really stubborn ingrown toenail, etc. Twilight Sparkle and her friends are 
the current bearers of the Elements (Twilight=Magic, Applejack=Honesty, 
Rainbow Dash=Loyalty, Rarity=Generosity, Fluttershy=Kindness, Pinkie 
Pie=Laughter), and have used them to defeat two major foes (each in a 
two-part season opener): first, Nightmare Moon, the incarnation of Princess 
Luna's jealousy and hatred towards her sister; second, Discord, Chaos 
incarnate (voiced by John de Lancie!).

Basically the entire central message of MLP:FiM is that friendship is the 
most important thing in the universe, and that there is nothing friendship 
cannot overcome. (Oh god that sounded sappy).

(But Twilight summoning her friends AND the EoH from that distance? That was 
totally deus ex machina, and totally my doing.)

> All in all, I enjoyed it.

Thanks. :)

(Now go watch Friendship is Magic! Shoo! It's on Netflix! All three 
seasons!)

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Mythril Moth
www.mythrilmoth.net