[FFML] [Repost][Ranma] Hearts and Minds, Part 6 of 10

[Bert Miller]

I probably commented on this chapter once, lo these many years ago, but 
since I re-read it, I might as well do it again.


On 4/19/2012 3:14 PM, Gary Kleppe wrote:
>
>
>                             HEARTS AND MINDS
>                                 PART SIX
>
>
>     "A potion. Drink it now, and it will reduce the risk of your
> wounds re-opening."

Heh.  Very true.

>
> I, meanwhile, will be taking back the Amazon village, as was also part
> of our agreement."
>
>     The speaker phone fell silent. Ha Bu was obviously considering
> Biaozi's argument.
>
>     "You, of all people, know how disastrous it could be for me to
> be seen here, like this." 

I can't remember if I realized before that Biaozi now looks like Shan Pu 
or not, but this time through it seems obvious enough.

> best. Now, finally, here was the chance for his group to justify its
> existence, to prove that his paranormals could defeat other paranormals
> where conventional means had failed. He had no choice but to accept.
>
>     When it came down to it, Michaels was a family man. Bringing
> them home a paycheck every month was his responsibility,

This combination seems odd to me.  Michaels' first priority is bringing 
a paycheck home to his family, but here he is championing and leading an 
extremely non-traditional military approach?  The best way to continue 
to accomplish the former would be to competently stick to known, popular 
paths, one would have thoughy.  The person one would expect to see doing 
the latter, making waves and taking risks, would be a semi-obsessed 
individual, to whom THIS project comes first:  someone without much 
regard for risks to his family's well-being:  single, or a grandparent, 
or someone who simply doesn't care so much about his family.

> and if a
> village of Amazons or a handful of Japanese teenagers got in the way

Who's a teenager?  Aren't they all about 26-27 now?

>
>
>     Now, finally, that dream was to become a reality. While the name
> of Zhen Biaozi would be forever reviled in Amazon history, she herself
> would be leader, unquestioned. Fate, it seemed, had an odd sense of 
> humor.

...meaning that she no longer looks anything like she did formerly...

> background. "Our agent in the Amazon village has reported news that I
> think you might find interesting, Zhen Biaozi. My aide is faxing it to
> you now."
>
>     The colonel stepped over to a desktop telephone, from whose base
> a sheet of paper scrolled out. He handed it to Biaozi. She scanned the
> contents. Her jaw dropped.
>
>     "How--" She paused to regain her carefully controlled composure.
> "Who knows about this?"

Heh.  The news about Shan Pu disconcerts her this much; it must wreck 
her plans.  Ergo Shan Pu is who she now looks like.  QED.

>
> Nabiki dipped it into the liquid and pulled it back out filled. "But
> what's so dangerous about...."
>
>     "About water?" Lan smiled. "What do you think?"
>
>     Okay, Nabiki thought, so it *was* a stupid question. Just ask

That *was* abnormally slow on the uptake for Nabiki.

> a curse is to use water perviously seeded, if you will, by the victim

(sp)  "previously"

>     "This vault of yours is so secret that even most of your Amazons
> don't know about it. And yet you've just taken me, an outsider if ever
> there was one, down here where I could see the whole thing, and you've
> even explained the point of it to me. Why do that?"
>
>     "Why do you think I did it?" Lan asked.

... because Zhen Baoizi's plan (or the possibility of it) has occurred 
to Lan, who would of course be Zhen's next target, so it makes sense to 
clue some outsider (not bound to respect Amazon elders) in to the 
possibility...

>
>     "So do you think whoever attacked Shan Pu got the water from
> down there?" she said to Lan as they approached the healer's. "Is it
> possible that someone else could've gotten into that room?"
>
>     "Someone could conceivably manage to get in," Lan answered,

...and, in fact, Zhen Baiozi could conceivably manage to get in...

>     Unexpectedly, a deep pang of sorrow dug into Wesley. Kill the
> woman who shone like the sun?
>
>     He shrugged. *Whose emotion was that?* he briefly wondered.

Yours, of course.

>
> disconcerting. He had accepted his error in not identifying the curse,
> so why did the thought of it trigger such...panic? And why did the
> thought of going to see Shan Pu in her current condition make him feel
> much the same?
>
>     He had pledged his eternal love to Shan Pu. Would he now recant
> that, for the simple reason that she was no longer young and beautiful?
> Would he have done the same had she been disfigured in battle? Was he
> that shallow?

I can't remember anything from prior chapters leading up to this, 
specifically.  I think there's most probably still some revelation pending.

>
>     But what if it *was* still there? He could call his parents and
> get them to play him that tape,

Which tape?  If Gos has only one tape, he probably doesn't have the 
secret; if he has a whole bunch, he has to tell his parents which one to 
play.  Are they labeled by date?

>
>
>     Baby Kodachi reached out from the cradle of her mother's arms
> toward a pile of cucumbers. 

Baby Kodachi?  If Tatewaki is six, shouldn't Kodachi be five?

>     He'd heard that you could navigate by the stars,

Ranma'd "heard"?  Someone who spent much of his boyhood camping out with 
his father, all over the place?

> impossibly strong fingers clamp around their necks. The soldiers
> remembered the stories they'd heard, and prayed to any deity who might
> be listening that they'd be able to get away before the terrorists
> killed them.

Geez.  When is this set again?  You'd think if it's very far in the 
future, even these morons would know that "terrorist" has long since 
ceased to have its original meaning, and now means "anyone the U.S. 
doesn't like", with no implication whatsoever about ethical behavior.  
ESPECIALLY any U.S. soldier less green than 6 months.

>
>     Voices spoke in foreign languages, conversing back and forth in
> incomprehensible syllables. 

So these soldiers have never been stationed in Okinawa?  They don't even 
recognize spoken Japanese?


>
> the cots, pointed, and spoke in a language Ranma couldn't understand.

I'd think most Japanese could recognize spoken English:  subtitled 
movies; English words thrown at random into Japanese pop songs; year 
after year of "studying" English in school.

>
>     The blond-haired Westerner offered little resistance as Ryoga
> yanked his arm bahind his back. "Don't try anything, or I'll...." He let

(sp) "behind"

>
>     From the bottom of the stairwell, Kodachi Kuno's laughter rang out 
> without restraint.

I seem to remember that I had figured out Kodachi was alive, and how, 
before this point, but I can't remember how long before.

In general...
The rapid cutting back and forth structure works once all the chapters 
are here and one can read straight through them, but they tend to work 
against your readers really getting into the story when chapters only 
appear every so often.  Not sure there's anything you can do about it at 
this point; you're pretty committed to this approach.