[FFML] [Ranma/Marvel] Avenging Side Story 4: The Tragic Death...

[DB Sommer]

Getting to this:

Angus MacSpon wrote:

> Hmm, okay.  I'm a Haruhi fan,


% Only saw one ep of it myself. Couldn't follow it and it didn't 
interest me enough to follow up on it.


> so -- despite the rather depressing
> title


% At least you can't say there was anything misleading there.


> -- let's have a look.

>
> On 6/07/2007, at 04:14, DB Sommer wrote:
>
>> Once Kozue was out of sight, the Nurse Akagi continued walking with  the
>> child in her arms until she entered the newborn’s ward. She lay the
>> child in her assigned crib and cradled the infant’s cherubic face.
>
>
> Remove "the" before "Nurse Akagi".  Or, remove "Akagi".


% Right. A case of changing 'the nurse' to Nurse Akagi and not axing 
quite everything.

>
>> “But, ironically, despite your encompassing the entire world in your
>> reality warping powers, once you’re defeated, everything snapped  
>> back to
>> normal, with only a handful at the center of your defeat remember only
>> the faintest of details of your tampering. Meaning your death today  
>> will
>> change nothing of consequence in the future.”
>
>
> Doesn't quite make sense.  Suggest:
>   ... once you were defeated, everything spanned back to
>   normal, with only a handful at the center of your defeat remembering
>   the faintest of details ...
> This fixes the tense problems and the repetition of "only".


% Got it.

>
>> This one didn’t really fit in the proper Avengers story, so it  became a
>> side story. It also shows Kang’s still active and manipulating events.
>> It also uses the age old moral question of ‘if you could go back in  
>> time
>> and kill Hitler as an infant, before he committed the atrocities he  
>> did,
>> would you do it?”
>
>
> Bit of a stretch to compare Haruhi to Hitler, of course.  Though I
> suppose Kyon might not quite agree.  :)


% In her case by accident of birth she's even more destructive. Or would 
be.

>
> All in all ... hm, what can I say?  Short, to the point, and utterly
> merciless.  An effective interlude.


% Thanks. That was pretty much what it was meant to be. well, that and 
Captain Britain will eventually appear in the next Act. She'll have a 
critical role to play in it. Nothing like laying groundwork down for 
future reference, like Irie's first appearance in Act II, only to be 
elevated to a major player now.

% Thanks for the help. It's really appreciated.

DB Sommer

>