Time to start playing C&C catch-up again...
Zakarune wrote:
Author Notes:
I came up with this fic out of nowhere so don't blame me if you don't
like it. This is my first fic I've felt I wanted to share in a while.
I wrote this a while ago and haven't found a drive to edit it.
Standard C&C Disclaimer: All the below is my only occasionally useful
humble opinion, my only occasionally correct grammatical and spelling
corrections, and/or my only occasionally funny humor.
I consider it polite to credit the original creator of the series
you're basing the fanfic on.
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The virus had spread quickly. No one knew why only certain people
were infected. I had no clue that the virus existed until I too became
infected. Of course, I denied it. How could someone as strong as I was
get sick?! My overconfidence became my greatest weakness, not that I'd
admit having one, and it almost killed me. Soon, I spread the virus to
others close to me. They didn't know that it was me. I had hidden my
sickly nature till at last I could not do so anymore.
This last sentence is pretty clunky. Suggest just: "I hid my illness as
long as I could."
Everyone felt they had given it to me.
Is "felt" really the right word here? I'd use "thought" instead.
Time passed along and I lost several people that were close to me.
The "along" isn't really necessary.
That, sadly, wasn't
the end of these chain of events...these horrorifying events.
"horrifying" or "horrific", not "horrorifying"
Akane, Mr. Tendo, and my father now had advancing symptoms.
Should perhaps be "advanced symptoms"? (Really not sure...)
I too was losing the fight against time. Each mourning became more
and more precious as the days wore on.
"Each morning", I would think.
After Ryoga died I devoted my life to medicine. Dr. Tofu eagerly
taught me all that he could. We started the only facility that studied
the virus. Everyone else felt the virus was absolutely too dangerous
to go near let alone study.
Let's just say that I find this... unlikely.
Would Ranma really be able to learn enough medicine to be useful in this
sort of thing before the virus killed him, anyway?
With Dr. Tofu the research died as well. I couldn't stand being in the
clinic. There were too many memories. That's how things were now. Pain
was everywhere I looked. I soon found myself around Akane more then
ever. We slowly let our walls down and soon found ourselves opening up
to each other more then we ever have. Time wasn't on our side though.
"more than we ever had"
General comments: Mmm... the main problem that I have with this story
is that it's kind of pointless. It's a competent execution of a not
terribly interesting premise. Also, the narrator just doesn't "sound"
enough like Ranma to me, really.
The best way I could think of to improve on the idea would be to
massively expand on it and actually show the story as opposed to just
having Ranma tell the reader about it.
I hope some of this is helpful to you.