according to Brakiss's information, it was at the
other side of the building.

*What* was on the other side of the building?  I read the other chapters, 
but I'm afraid I don't remember. <grin>

trouble.  Ironically, it was her belief that the
infiltration would've been nearly impossible had she
attempted it during the night, when everyone
congregated in the Academy.

What's so ironic about this?  It feels like this sentence isn't complete.

the instructor's rooms and had worn it over her very
distinctive black cloak.

Hm.  I'd think that'd *draw* attention rather than keep it away.  It would 
make her look 'thicker' than a normal person of her species.  Perhaps she 
should stash her cloak somewhere instead?  I mean, it's not like they're 
going to have difficulty figuring out its the Sith after-the-fact, neh?

Next time, she swore to be assigned to a mission that
would provide a bit more ..... action.  Though she
wasn't the combat addicted freak that Crimson was, she
did enjoy the thrill of a good fight as it helped
break the everyday boredom of life.

Later, she would wish that she had been the one outside and Crimson the one 
inside.  That would have been fun.  Because I can already tell that Ranma 
is so going to kick Crimson's ass six ways from Sunday.

In the Disciples of Ragnos, it was a well known fact
that many of them, for their own personal reasons, had
changed their names.  Allura had joined before her
rival had, but by the time Tendou had officially taken
her place as one of Tavion's two disciples, a running
joke had sprung up about there being two Crimsons for
one job.  She hated that pathetic excuse of witticism
and had no qualms about letting her displeasure be
known, via a Force lightning attack.

Hm.  This one was a little confusing, and might need a little work.  What 
I've gathered, after rereading a couple of times, is that Allura is Akane. 
'Aka' being 'red' in Japanese, that is.  If this is the case, why is she 
thinking of herself in the third person?

Hm.  Actually, maybe it's Crimson that's Akane.  You mentioned that Allura 
had red skin, which would also fit the bill.  In any case, this is a bit 
confusing.  And worse, I'm not sure how to fix it.

for a finishing technique.  She was confiden that it

confident

the fact was that it was flat out impossibe to

impossible

attack she threw at him and commiting them to memory

committing

about a hundred feet in distance.  When he reached the

in the distance

bottom, he would have to climbing up the Temple steps

climb

Rosh felt an invisible wave of .... something suddenly
burst out of his hands and picked her up as if she

pick

"Damn, he didn't have to hit me so hard," she cursed,

I imagine he would have laughed had he heard that.  'You were going to kill 
me, you crazy Sith bitch!'

please get her off, get her off before she kills me,

Get her off?  I got the idea that that's what she wanted Rosh to do for 
HER! ;)


Heh.  I'm enjoying this too, though I'm not familiar at all with the games 
(?) that this is based on.


Joel 

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