--- Growly <sesshou_maru@yahoo.com> wrote:

I don't know jack about Invader Zim, but this is a
pretty good fic you've written.  Great stuff,
descriptive writing, humor.  I commend you!

Thanks.  I'd been writing for a while before I began
this fic, so I guess it proves that experience -can-
make me a better writer.

How long were you writing?

Unfortunately as far as Invader Zim goes, I'm
something of an anomaly - the average 'life' of a
fic
writer in the IZ fandom is a little over a year, so
most of the longer stories are never completed. 
I've
been in the fandom for about four years now and
while
I definitely recommend the show, especially to
people
who are fond of offbeat (and often adult) humour,
the
fan base often leaves a lot to be desired.

How old is Invader Zim?  Old as Voltron?

That said, I found many of your suggestions very
helpful and your comments pretty much all managed to
get a laugh out of me.  I'd forgotten somewhere down
the line how IZ stories might seem to someone who
didn't know the series. :D

If your fic is a basis of how funny the series is, I
think I wanna see the series for myself! :D

The ravaged state of his hands was indication

enough

of the lengths he was going through to keep from
being pulled into slumber. 

He afraid of the Boogeyman or Freddy? :D

Heh, knowing this character, probably both and a few
dozen more things, besides.

Does he usually suffer from insomnia?

two were frequently known for. Heads started to

turn

Suggest replacing 'frequently known' with

'famous'

Thanks - that made it a lot more concise.

Suggest replacing 'no good' with 'awful'

I went with 'terrible'. :)

was a soft splatter as someone�s lunch slid off
their tilting tray and hit the floor.

How did that happen?  Maybe you should write the
tray falling instead...

How's this: There was a clatter as someone's tray
slipped from their nerveless fingers and hit the
floor.

Good substitution!

No, it must simply be some kind of ruse to catch

him

off-guard.

They must've really had some bad history

together.

Nah, they're only mortal enemies who've been trying
to
destroy each other for years.  No problems there.

Yup, not even worth a lifting of an eyebrow.

a blank expression on his face. Zim doubted he

even

noticed the cyborg squirrel that was currently
chewing 

Cyborg squirrel?  An escapee from the genetics

lab?

Or from the alien ship maybe - random things like
those crop up all over the place in the show.

Tonight would mean the human�s utter defeat. �Ha!
Chew on that, filthy earth monkey!�

Goku:  You talking about me?

Ok, I admit, I didn't expect that comment.  It made
me
laugh though.

And Gaz... I don�t even know where she is. 

His sister?

Yeah, that's her - there'll be more on her later.

Can't wait!  From what I've read; it seems the main
char and his sister don't get along at all.  

instead of the black garments the boy had

favored.,

Kill the period, leave the comma

@_@ How did I miss that?  Nice catch.

cares as little for me as she would for a bug to

be

crushed underfoot. 

Poor guy.  Then again, if this Gaz is an insect

lover.. he's in luck!

She's not - unless you count the time when Dib
grafted
the head of her favorite doll onto the body of a
fly.

Hmm, I'm beginning to see your point :D

circuit of the room. The eyes of the robo-parents

Robotparents

It's actually their proper designation.  I checked
the
credits :)

Aight.

truly his ideas were genius - pure GENIUS!

Yes, yes, we all know that already.  Heh.

But for Zim it bears repeating.  ...As many times as
physically possible.

Well, every bad guy's gotta have some way of raising
his spirits...

Man, Zim, trade that pathetic robot in for a

cell 

phone, or something.

Right now, he's probably wishing he had.

Dave Wong

a.k.a. DarkWing
"Let's get dangerous"

Website: www.geocities.com/darksoar/start.html

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