Well, I didn't see anything wrong with the fic grammatically speaking, save  
the part where Cho is looking in the mirror.
 
"So's the rest of you, dear," the mirror replied. "So don't fret about  it."
 
I'd just leave off the second "So."
 
For the content, well, it's well-written and it does build up the suspense  a 
bit, but it peters out at the end. There isn't a real sense of danger or  
conflint when Harry is working his magic -- pardon the pun -- on the gold coins.  
No collosal failures, no sense of imminent danger or urgency.  Basically, 
there is no tension going on at the end. At the very least, the  necklace could 
have been delivered to the wrong table, or Hedwig was  abducted by the 
Slytherins.
 
It works as a nice WAFF -- it's spectacular at the beginning and the midway  
point. But there isn't much of a climax to talk about. The story would be more 
 memorable with something to hold me hostage the entire way through.
 
Adrian  Moten

"Falling in love is something that happens to you, like  getting run over by 
a truck."
-Amy Alkon, the Advice Goddess 



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