--- David Johnston <rgorman@telusplanet.net> wrote:

Dave Wong wrote:

Luke Skywalker, son of Darth Vader, lone Jedi

Master,

Wait...you're saying that Darth Vader is Luke
Skywalker's dad?

I know, it was a surprise for me too... :D  Heh, I
might have to change that line...

<snip>

The door swished closed behind him as Luke walked

out

into the hallway.  

Y'know, I can't remember whether Star Wars has those
Star Trek doors.

Well, I'm not sure either... I'm just basing it off
the game.  

<snip>

more time to be wasted.  With one powerful

lightning

Delete "With"

Gotcha. 

<snip>

One thing that made it a whole lot easier for her

was

the fact that Skywalker was foolish enough not to

post

sentries, or even not having more than the basic

or even have more

Okay.  

<snip>

Palpatine during the death of the Old Republic. 

Their

teachings against guile, anger, hatred, everything

of

the Dark Side was a very significant weak spot in
their training.

Well mostly guile.

Heh. True, true.  

<snip>

The Force aura of one of them was leaking
uncontrollably, which usually meant little to no
training; the other seemed to have infinitesimal
potential.  

Presumably Ranma is the second guy.

You got it right.  And there is a reason for his
limited potential, coming up in a future chapter :D

<snip> 

Ever since she'd first joined Tavion's group,

Crimson

had made it well known that she completely loathed

and

distrusted men, not tolerating them in the

slightest. 

With an attitude like that, it wasn't long before

she

was picking fights on a daily basis  with any male

Extra space there isn't there?

Missed that.  Thanks.  

member who glanced at her, more often than not

giving

them a savage beating.  She soon established a
reputation for herself as a geniune man-hater, who

genuine.

Noted.

<snip>

been.  That was why she'd accepted Tavion's offer

to

join the Disciples of Ragnos; so she could grow

much

more stronger and not have to fear about being

abused

delete "about".

Aight.  

<snip>

Crimson allowed a faint lecherous grin to cross her
face at what happened some nights ago, but managed

to

keep her mind on the mission.  

Hmm.  I find myself skeptical.  Being that consumed

by

hatred doesn't leave much energy for other forms of
self-indulgence.

Well, she's not consumed by hatred 100% of the time,
its only when she looks upon a man that's the trigger.
 

Thanks for taking the time to C&C!




Dave Wong

a.k.a. DarkWing
"Let's get dangerous"

Website: www.geocities.com/darksoar/start.html

__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Tired of spam?  Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around 
http://mail.yahoo.com 

             .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
             | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
             |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'