Part 3: "Darth Mousse Strikes Back!"

Ranma sighed for something like the eightieth time the
following morning, plodding disconsolately through the
halls of Furinkan High School.

Honestly.

It was bad enough just turning into a girl.  That he had
made an eight-month trek all the way to Jusenkyo, actually
_gotten a cure_ (of sorts), then walked all the way back to
Japan, only to receive an even worse curse from that idiot
Ryu...that was a fate worse than death.

_A valley girl.  Dear God, why did it have to be a _valley
girl_?  Why did we even bring back Spring of Drowned Valley
Girl water?  What were we thinking?  How could we have been
so stupid??_

He ground his teeth, listening to the teacher's lecture
without any interest at all.  Not that he would have
understood anything even if he had been paying attention;
as with most classes, it was not possible to be absent for
eight months without getting pretty far behind.

Not having an extremely clear idea on what a valley girl
even was, he had done a little research on Nabiki's
computer the previous night, and was completely appalled at
what he found.  A 'valley girl,' according to the Wikipedia,
was, "...a cartoonish stereotype of young women --
typically characterized by a 'ditzy' or 'airheaded'
personality, and unapologetically 'spoiled' behaviour that
showed more interest in shopping, personal appearance, and
popular social status, rather than in any self-enriching
pursuit."  He had continued reading, with increasing horror:
"...typically blonde-haired, (possibly dyed) and is
sometimes portrayed as hypersexual."

Fate.  Worse.  Than.  Death.

"Ranma...?"

Ranma looked up at his friend Hiroshi, who was staring at
him with a look of concern.  He realized he had been
banging his head against his desk repeatedly.  "Uh...yeah?"

"You okay, man?"

"Um...yeah, I'm just fine."  An obvious lie.  "I, uh...this
is a new, uh, martial arts exercise.  To strengthen the
forehead.  Against impacts."

Hiroshi looked at him skeptically.  "Right."

Ranma began staring at the board again, trying very hard to
control himself, not aware that his efforts were completely
in vain, as he was surrounded by an aura of rage so strong
that the air was actually shimmering around him.

The bell rang.  Ranma stood up and stalked quickly over to
the door.  There _had_ to be something he could do about
this.  This was not a tolerable situation.

He skipped his next class to go find Akane.

                             -*-

Although not as distraught about her situation as Ranma was
about his, Akane was definitely out-of-sorts that morning,
so much so that she actually forgot where her next class
was, wound up being late, and so had to stand in the hall,
carrying buckets full of water, as punishment.

Every time she looked at the water in the buckets, she
shuddered involuntarily.  _This is much worse than Ranma's
old curse,_ she thought, scowling nervously, then
reconsidered.  _Well, turning into a man would be pretty
weird, too._

At least it didn't mess with your head, though.  That had
to be the worst thing possible.

Kuno appeared, dressed, for once, in a normal school
uniform, rather than his moderately ridiculous-looking
kendo skirt.  He was also carrying buckets, but he was in a
different class than she was.  She scowled at him.  Was he
just wandering around the school, looking for people to
annoy?

"Akane Tendo, how good to look upon your fair countenance
this day," he greeted her, airily.

Akane shied away from him, her eyes wide.  Actually, the
worst thing about turning into a valley girl was probably
that she remembered with perfect clarity everything she had
done as a valley girl.  In this case, she recalled quite
vividly flirting shamelessly with Kuno, and having told him
that he looked hot in his kendo skirt.

She looked at him, trying not to let her lip curl with
disgust.  "Don't...you have somewhere to be, Kuno?  Your
own class, for example?"

"Ah, but where would I prefer to be," he babbled on,
completely oblivious, "but here, basking in the radiance of
your beauty, Akane Tendo?"

Her knuckles went white on the handles of the buckets.
_Hot in his kendo skirt.  Dear God, kill me now.  Or at
least get me the hell away from any kind of cold water, for
the rest of my life._  She stared down into the buckets,
shivering.

"Yo, Akane!"

She looked down to the other end of the hall.  She didn't
think she had ever been so glad to see Ranma in her whole
life.  _I _really_ need to talk to someone about this, or I
am going to lose it._

Kuno pulled out his bokken.  Akane hadn't noticed him
carrying it a moment ago, and didn't want to think about
where exactly he might have been storing it.  "Halt, Ranma
Saotome!"

Ranma's face was taut with anger.  "Kuno, look-"

Kuno set one of his buckets down calmly, and threw the
other one at Ranma.  The water drenched him.  "Ranma
Saotome, I challenge you to-"

Akane covered her eyes.  "Oh, God.  This is not happening."

Kuno gasped.  "Pigtailed girl!  How did...?"

Ranma looked around with a vacant, happy expression on her
face.  "Like, what's going _on_?" she whined, twirling her
hair around her finger.

Kuno glomped onto her happily.  "Fear not, my vision of
loveliness!" he declared, doing everything short of humping
her leg.  "I will free you from the clutches of that vile
sorcer-"

Ranma growled and picked him up with one slender arm, and
hurled him bodily out of the second-floor window.  She
looked after him, disgusted.  "Ugh!  Ohmygawd, I can't
believe he just tried to, like, totally _touch_ me!  Guh-
ross!"

Akane looked at him in astonishment.  Well, it seemed like
he retained his sexual orientation, even in valley girl
form.  She supposed that was a good sign for her own sanity.

"Ranma..." she began, not exactly sure how to approach the
other girl.  "Uh..."

"Akane!" the smaller girl greeted her happily, giving her a
glomp of a hug not terribly different from what Kuno had
just subjected her to.  "Ohmygawd, it's like so totally
good to see you!  Like, how are _you_, ohmygawd, you look,
like, totally _cute_ today!!"

Akane began to wonder if Ranma was hitting on her.  As a
girl.  That thought was somehow unnerving, too.

Hot water.  _How to get Ranma to come with me..._

_Well,_ she considered, _he's already sort of attached
himself to me..._  She spun around quickly, so that the
glomping Ranma was now attached to her back, instead of her
front, and began to carry her toward the bathroom.

                             -*-

Mousse's romancing of Shampoo was not going as planned.

In his mind, he had always assumed that once he was cured
of his curse, Shampoo would leap into his arms, and they
would return to China, be married, be happy, have lots of
babies, and so on.  But he was finding, much to his dismay,
that there actually seemed to be more to her repulsion of
him than merely his curse!

_I suppose I should have thought of that before,_ he
reflected, in an odd moment of clarity.  _After all, she
never cared that Ranma was cursed._

Blast!

He briefly considered going on a righteous crusade to
murder Ranma, but somehow, that didn't seem like it would
accomplish a whole lot at this point.  Since most of his
solutions to this problem in the past had either involved
getting rid of the curse, or killing Ranma, he was at a
loss.

He sat down and spent some quality time brooding.

Thirty minutes passed.

_Damn, still can't think of anything._  He looked over into
the corner of the Cat Cafe, where a large bucket of water
sat, for no apparent reason.

Well, that was one way to come up with some new ideas, he
supposed.  He stood up, walked over to the corner of the
room, and upended the bucket on his head.

Suddenly, he had it!

He would _kidnap_ Shampoo, drag her to the top of a
desolate mountain, then torment her soul with mind-altering
drugs and his own evil powers until she broke down and
joined the Dark Side!

_Man,_ he reflected, chuckling evilly to himself as he
walked off to implement his brilliant plan, _why didn't I
think of this before?_

                             -*-

"Well, at least I wasn't attracted to Kuno, or nothin',"
Ranma muttered, staring out the window.

Akane nodded.  "Yes, this could certainly be worse."

Ranma's face was a mask of fury.  "But...not a whole _lot_
worse."

They were silent for a moment, then Akane said it:
"So...what can we do about this?"

"Go to Jusenkyo again."

She didn't have an immediate reply for that.  She had
thought about that briefly, but, as before, they lacked the
money to get to such a remote place in anything like a
reasonable amount of time, and she didn't really think it
was practical to skip school for the better part of a year.

Slowly, she shook her head.  "I don't know, Ranma...I don't
think that's really a practical-"

"I don't care if it's practical," Ranma cut her off,
clenching his fists.  "I was willing to travel all the way
there before, to get rid of a curse that ain't half so bad
as what I've got now.  I'm going back to Jusenkyo."

Akane sighed.  "There really is no other way...?" she asked,
almost rhetorically.

"What, like mail-order Jusenkyo?" Ranma retorted, bitterly.

"Look, I didn't mean-"

"RANMA SAOTOME."

Ranma favored the source of the voice with a flat -- really,
_really_ flat -- stare.  "Ryu."  He popped his knuckles,
walking towards him.  "Just who I wanted to see."

Akane looked at him, quizzically.  "Do you go to school
here, Ryu?"

"No.  I have spent most of my free time stalking Ranma
since our ill-fated duel, so I of course know where he goes
to school.  I also know that he turns into a woman
occasionally, and has lately become something of an asshole.
Enough talk!"  Ryu thrust a finger at him.  "Ranma Saotome!
You have ruined my-"

Ranma stopped about an inch in front of Ryu's face and
grabbed a fistful of the collar of his shirt.  "What were
ya saying, there, Ryu?" he growled, literally glowing with
rage.  "What did I do?  Did I _ruin your life_, is _that_
what ya were tryin' to say??"

Ryu seemed somewhat taken aback at Ranma's uncustomary fury.
"I, uh...yeah, you did...you ruined my..."

Ranma picked him up his his collar and started shaking him
violently with both hands.  "No, Ryu Kumon, _you_ ruined
_my_ life!  Do you have any idea at all what you've done to
me, Ryu?  ANY IDEA AT ALL??"

Ryu shoved himself away from Ranma.  He brushed his shirt
with an air of offended dignity.  "I have no idea," he said,
perfectly honestly.  "Anyway, my reason for coming here was
to challenge you to a duel-"

"I accept," Ranma said immediately, his eyes burning with
anger.  "Follow me outside."

Ryu snorted.  "Feh.  Not today, you imbecile," he said,
contemptuously.  "In two days, Ranma Saotome!  Meet me in
the field outside this school in two days, or I will hunt
you down like the coward you are!"

Ranma charged at him.  "I'm not waiting _two days_!" he
roared, his massive axe kick smashing clean through the
floor where Ryu had been standing a moment before.  "FIGHT
ME _NOW_!"

Ryu laughed.  "FIERCE TIGER OPENING GATES BLOW!"  His kick
blew an enormous round hole in the wall, and Ryu leapt
through it.  "Two days, Ranma Saotome!" he called, as he
soared off into the distance.

Ranma watched him bound off across the rooftops with
disgust.  "Two days..."

                             -*-

Ryu walked down a street in Nerima, whistling to himself.
He was fairly certain, from observing Ranma use it so many
times the previous day, that he had figured out the
technique for the White Snake Venom Reliable Fist.  He was
certain he could have it thoroughly worked out in two days.
It was not the entire Thousand Sea Fist scroll, which he
had once sought for for so long, but it would have to do.

And now he was freed from Ranma's monumentally unfair vow,
free to perfect the Thousand Mountain Fist techniques.  He
smiled.  After he defeated Ranma Saotome, even rebuilding
the Kumon Dojo would no longer be a dream!

He stopped in front of a building that had a a huge round
hole blown in its side.  _Ucchan's Okonomiyaki,_ he read.
A mouth-watering scent permeated the air in front of the
door, and also in front of the giant hole.  If anything,
the presence of the giant hole actually seemed to be
helping business, as customers happily stepped over the
rubble to reach the source of the wonderful smell.

A pretty, wiry girl with long brown hair stepped out of the
building, a wooden sign with the dinner specials written on
it in her hands.

Wait.

Ryu looked at her more closely.  Wasn't she that girl who...

The girl noticed him, scowled, then immediately ran back
into the restaurant.  Ryu heard the sound of water
splashing, then suddenly it clicked, about a second too
late, who she was.

A nine-foot-tall monster charged out of the building,
howling for blood.

"Oh, shit," Ryu said.

                             -*-

"SHAMPOO."

Shampoo looked up at the sound of the strange,
preposterously deep voice, and did a double-take when she
realized that it was coming from Mousse.

"Mousse?" she asked, puzzled.  "What happened to voice?"

He removed a giant axe that he had somehow been hiding in
his robes.  "Come with me and you won't get hurt," he
thundered, an evil gleam in his eyes.  "Much."

Shampoo fixed him with a withering stare.  Such a stare was
normally enough to reduce him to a whimpering, begging mess,
but Mousse-with-the-strange-voice seemed impervious to it.

He hefted the axe.  "Do not think to defy me, princess.  My
powers are greater than you know."

She laughed.  "Shampoo not afraid of stupid boy!"  She
removed her bonbori clubs from the wall.  "Mousse want to
fight?"

He began to walk toward her menacingly, when he heard
Cologne's brittle voice behind him.  "Boy!" she said
sharply, her voice like a whip.  "What do you think you're
doing?"

Mousse gave a sinister laugh.  "Kidnapping your precious
little princess," he rumbled, turning around with a giant
chain-gun in his hands.  "She will join us or die!"

"'Us?'" Cologne repeated, arching an eyebrow.

Mousse gave her a black look.  "DIE, OLD WOMAN!!"

Even Cologne, ancient and vastly skilled martial artist
that she was, was forced to flee in panic as Mousse laid
waste to the Cat Cafe with his chain-gun.

                             -*-

"Yeah, you sure showed that guy," Ryoga commented, eating.

Ukyou glared at him from behind the counter.  The late late
dinner today was quite slow, for some reason, (she
privately blamed the gigantic hole in the side of the
building), so the two of them were almost alone in the
Ucchan as it began to get dark outside.  "Quiet.  What was
I supposed to do?  He disappeared into thin air."  She
harrumphed.  "Anyway, I was just _saying_ that how
unbelievable it was that he just busted into my building
like that, tried to kill Ran-chan..."

Ryoga grinned, eating.  "Yeah, God knows neither of _us_
would ever try anything like that."

She continued to glare at him.  "Are you planning on paying
for all this food you're eating, Ryoga?" she demanded.

He stopped grinning.  "Eh..."

They sat in silence for a while, and the last customer left.
Ryoga continued eating, trying not to think about whether
or not Ukyou was going to make him pay for the massive
amount of food he had consumed over the course of the
afternoon.

She was locking the front door when Shampoo's withered
great-grandmother, of all people, came bounding through
Ryu's gaping hole, winded and obviously unnerved.

Ukyou glared at her.  There were a number of people who
Ukyou truly, honestly did not like in this world, and
Cologne was definitely high on that list.  "Come to sample
some real cooking for a change?" she asked the old woman,
with a sweet smile.

Cologne perched on top of her staff like a wrinkled
squirrel of fury.  "There is no time for your petty slights,
Kuonji!  Shampoo has been kidnapped!"

"How tragic."  Ukyou couldn't repress a vengeful smile.
_That's the best news I've heard all day!_

"Mousse has gone insane, and kidnapped Shampoo, you foolish
girl!" the old crone ranted.  "And my son-in-law is nowhere
to be found!  This is a tragedy of _epic proportions_, and
yet you stand there and do _nothing_!"

"Shampoo and I hate each other," Ukyou reminded her dryly.
"Also, you have both always treated me like dirt.  I'm the
_last_ person you should be asking for help."

Ryoga looked at Cologne curiously.  "Why on Earth would you
need anyone's help rescuing Shampoo from _Mousse_?"

Cologne glowered at him.  "Because he has somehow acquired
a giant chain-gun."

"Ohh!" Ryoga said, suddenly understanding.  "It's _Darth_
Mousse.  Okay, whole 'nother story."

"'Darth' Mousse?" Cologne repeated, confused.

"Yeah, he made my life a living hell for approximately
eight months," Ryoga explained.  "Has anyone told you what
happened when me, Ranma, and Mousse went to China?"

Cologne shook her head.

Ryoga told the story.

When he finished, Cologne was still shaking her head.
"Spring of Drowned Life-Size Darth Vader Poster," she
repeated to herself in disbelief.  "What a tragic story!"
She pointed an accustory finger at Ryoga, who she evidently
had decided was more likely to render assistance to her
than Ukyou.  "Ryoga!  Listen to me.  If we do not rescue
Shampoo from Mousse's evil clutches, I believe something
_terrible_ may happen to your friend!"

Ukyou coughed.  "I sense a lie coming on."

Cologne glared at her.  "Silence, foolish girl!  If Mousse
is not stopped...within 48 hours, his _intestines will
explode_!"  She jumped over to Ryoga and looked at him
earnestly.  "Surely you would not wish such a horrid fate
on your dear friend?"

Ryoga stared at her, shocked.  "That's...that's horrible!"
He stood up, shouldering his pack.  "Ukyou, we have to go
and save Mousse!"  He glanced at Cologne.  "And, uh,
Shampoo, too, of course."

Ukyou groaned a groan of epic proportions, the kind of
groan that makes you actually have to sit down and bury
your face in your hands in utter despair, having lost all
of your faith in humanity.  "Ryoga, you idiot."

"That's the spirit, Ryoga!" Cologne cheered.  "I knew I
could count on you, brave boy!"

"Do you even have any idea where Mousse has taken her?"
Ukyou asked, her face still buried in her hands.

Cologne ahemed.  "Well.  Sort of.  He ran off in the
direction of the train station, and was ranting about
taking her to the mountains to torment her soul, so our
best choice would be to make for the train station
immediately, and hope to catch him before he leaves!"

Ryoga clenched his fists, righteous anger on his face.  "A
sound plan, old woman.  Ukyou will come as well."

Ukyou glared at him.  "Oh, _will I_?"

"She is of no consequence!" Cologne snapped, hopping off
toward the hole.  "Come, Ryoga!  There is no time to lose!"

Ryoga didn't budge.  "Ukyou, not that I don't think I could
handle this myself, but...let's face it, you have pretty
much become the world's ultimate bad-ass."

"Flattery will get you nowhere, my friend."

"But you're coming, right?"

"Yep."

                             -*-

Ironically enough, Ranma was nowhere to be found because he
and Akane were busy scouring the streets for Cologne.  They
noticed, with some alarm, that the Cat Cafe appeared to
have been completely demolished by someone with a very
large gun.

"That old woman is just as likely to do something horrible
to us as help us find a cure," Akane was saying, ready to
snap open the giant umbrella in her hand at any moment.
She casted occasional fearful glances at the dark grey
clouds gathering overhead.  "Particularly to _me_.  She
might want to help _you_, Ranma, but why would she possibly
help me?"

Ranma stared ahead grimly, armed with his own giant
umbrella.  "I dunno, Akane.  But short of going back to
Jusenkyo, the old ghoul is the only one I can think that
might be able t' help us."

Akane shivered a bit.  "Ranma..."

He tensed.  "Don't worry, Akane.  We're gonna fix this."

They passed in front of the train station entrance.  Ranma
continued to walk, but Akane did a double-take, and peered
into the station.

"Ranma!"

Ranma looked back, puzzled.  "Yeah?"

Akane pointed at a white-robed figure waiting on the
platform, his back to them.  "Isn't that...Mousse?"

He stared.  "And he's got Shampoo slung over his shoulder
like she's some kinda rag doll..."  He clenched his fists.
"She might be in some kinda trouble!  We've gotta help
her!"

"Trouble?" Akane asked.  "From _Mousse_?  I can't picture
him ever-"  She paused.  "Wait..."

"Mousse?"  Ranma grinned slightly.  "Never.  _Darth_ Mousse?
Wouldn't put _nothin'_ past that guy."

Mousse turned around to face them, an evil smile on his
bespectacled face.  "You have managed to find me," he
boomed, removing a gigantic chain-gun from his robes.
"Impressive.  Most impressive.  Now, DIE!!"

"Akane, look out!"  Ranma tackled her, sending them both
flying well clear of the station entrance.  The thin crowd
waiting on the platform paused for a moment in collective
disbelief, then began screaming and fleeing in terror as
the maniac with the chain gun started firing off hundreds
of rounds in the general direction of the entrance.

"Fools!" Darth Mousse rumbled, his chain-gun rattling to a
stop.  He laughed, beginning to walk towards the entrance.
"I have you now..."

The train arrived behind him.

He stepped onto the train.  The other people in the station
quailed in fear.  "Well...perhaps I will let you both
live...for now."

                             -*-

Cologne looked around at the rubble of the train station's
completely wrecked entrance.  By some miracle, no one
seemed to have been hurt by whatever disaster had taken
place here.  "Yes..." she mumbled.  "It is a safe bet that
they were here."

                             -*-

Unbeknownst to either Darth Mousse or any of the terrified
passengers aboard the train, Ranma and Akane were atop the
train, hanging on for dear life as the surface train sped
along at speeds in excess of 60 miles per hour.

"This seems like a bad idea, Ranma!" Akane yelled,
screaming at the top of her lungs to be heard of the roar
of the wind.

"You're tellin' me!" he screamed back, switching the hand
that he was using to anchor himself to the top of the train.
"But we gotta stop Mousse before he really hurts someone!"

"I can't believe you and Mousse chose such idiotic curses
for yourselves!" Akane complained.  Strong as she was, she
was still forced to use both hands to hang on.  She added:
"I can't believe we're riding on the _top of a train_!
This seems like a really bad idea, Ranma!"

"All we gotta do is pour some hot water on him!" Ranma
shouted.  "Then whatever we end up doing about our own
curses, we can make Mousse do that, too!"

Akane considered that.  That was not a bad plan, really.
It certainly _sounded_ easy, to hear him tell it...

Now all that was left was to try not to lose her grip until
the stupid train came to a stop.

                             -*-

Darth Mousse stood up abruptly as the train screeched to a
halt.  The small town they had pulled up to was close
enough to the mountains, and he was quickly losing patience,
just sitting passively on the train like some ordinary,
pathetic mortal.

When the doors opened, he noticed, with a frown, that the
entire area had been barricaded off by the local police.

He looked around.  There were eight squad cars formed in a
semi-circle around the exit to the open-air train platform,
and at least twice that many cops.  Two of them were
dressed in full riot gear, and another three had 12-gauge
shotguns trained on his chest.

"PUT THE GIRL DOWN!" shouted an angry-looking older cop
with a megaphone.  "LIE DOWN ON THE GROUND, AND PUT YOUR
HANDS BEHIND YOUR-"

Mousse raised his hand impassively, and sort of waved it on
front of his face.

"I'm not the one you're looking for," he pointed out.

"Good point," the cop with the megaphone agreed.  "This
isn't the guy we're looking for," he called out to the men
around him.  "Keep your eyes peeled for a _different_
white-robed Chinese guy with an unconscious blue-haired
girl slung over his shoulder, boys!"

"Yes, sir!"  The men around him nodded grimly, and went
back to their positions.

                             -*-

Ranma and Akane dropped down off the back end of the train.

"Man, what's with all these police?" Ranma muttered.

Akane shook her head.  "I don't know, but whoever they're
looking for, I guess it isn't Mousse, since they just let
him walk through..."  She glanced around the corner of the
train's last car.  It was hard to see with the glare of the
sunset in her face, but Mousse was pretty easy to spot,
with his long hair and white robe.  "Should we go talk to
them?"

He ran a hand through his hair.  "Eh...I dunno, Akane.  The
police'll probably try to arrest him, and-"

"And then they can douse him with hot water!" she finished
eagerly.  "We just have to let them know what's going on!"

She walked out towards the police barricade, waving her
arms.  "Hey!  HEY!  Officers!"

"Akane!" Ranma hissed, walking hastily after her.  "Akane,
wait-"

One of the policemen, an older man with a megaphone in his
hand, greeted her officiously.  "Ma'am, I don't know what
it is you think you need, but we're in the middle of a
operation here; some maniac just shot up the Nerima train
station not a half hour ago.  He might be-"

Akane pointed at Mousse's retreating form.  "That's him!
That guy!  The white-robed Chinese guy with the unconscious
girl on his shoulder!  You need to-"

The cop shook his head firmly.  "No, that's not the guy
we're looking for."

"Who do you think you're looking for?" Akane demanded,
doing everything short of shaking the man.  "I promise you,
_that's_ the guy you're looking for, I was _there_ when he
shot up the train station this afternoon!"

"No," the cop said calmly.  He turned his eyes from Akane
back to the parked train.  "We're looking for a _different_
white-robed Chinese guy with an unconscious blue-haired
girl slung over his shoulder," he explained in a reasonable
tone.  "Now, if you'll excuse me, ma'am."

Akane fumed as he walked away.

Ranma stared after him, puzzled.  "That...didn't make any
sense at all."

"Idiots!" Akane growled, grabbing Ranma by the wrist.
"C'mon, Ranma!"

They began to chase after Darth Mousse's quickly retreating
form just in time to see him beat up an old man in the
middle of the street and steal his car.

"Dammit," Akane cursed, as Mousse sped off.  "How on Earth
are we going to catch him now?"

                             -*-

Darth Mousse chuckled evilly to himself as he slammed on
the accelerator, sending pedestrians scattering before him
like the insects they were.

He made it almost four miles before he remembered that he
didn't really know how to drive.

"Accursed machine!" he raged, as the car sailed off the
road.

                             -*-

Ryoga, Ukyou, and Cologne sat and fidgeted on the train for
a half hour.

Ukyou broke the silence, at some length: "Um, so...how will
we know where they got off, exactly?"

No one had a response to that, so they sat and fidgeted
some more.

Eventually, the train shuddered to a stop.  Cologne looked
out the window at the massive police blockade around the
platform's exit.  "This might be a good place to start,"
she said, hopping out onto the platform.

                             -*-

After about four miles, at the base of a very steep wooded
hill, Ranma and Akane came upon a smouldering heap of a car,
halfway wrapped around a giant oak tree.  Judging from the
state of the ground near the car, the driver had panicked
rather badly and had slammed on the brakes, soared off the
road, and done two full 360's before smashing into the
three.

Ranma examined the car for a moment.  "That's the car
Mousse stole.  I'm sure of it."

The sun was almost completely set.  In the fading light,
Akane could barely make out footsteps heading up the hill
and into the forest, away from the car.

Akane sighed.  "How are we going to follow them any further?
It's going to be totally dark in another couple of
minutes."

He shook his head.  "We're going to have to wait until
morning."

"What, you mean, camp out?  We don't even have a tent, or
sleeping bags, or-"

A roll of thunder sounded overhead.

"-umbrellas," she finished, groaning.  They had both left
their umbrellas behind at the train station in favor of
hanging on to the top of Mousse's train.  "As if this could
get any worse."

                             -*-

Cologne looked over Ukyou's body, fascinated, as the rain
drenched all three of them.

"I am unusually good looking, even for a Protoss!" Ukyou
the Zealot declared, posing demurely for Cologne's
inspection.

"And what exactly is a Protoss?" Cologne inquired, poking
at Ukyou's futuristic-looking combat armor.

"I don't have the slightest idea!" Ukyou responded, setting
a brisk pace.  A 'brisk pace' for a being that is nine feet
tall, bear in mind, is at best a moderate jog for someone
of normal human size.

Cologne turned her gaze to Ryoga's suddenly female body.
The boy-turned-girl was holding her bamboo umbrella above
her head uselessly, having been just slightly too slow on
the draw.  "And I see you turn into a woman, now, Ryoga."
She cackled.  "You look a bit like my son-in-law used to,
even though your hair isn't red.  And are you enjoying your
new form as much as Miss Kuonji, here?"

Ryoga gave a short laugh, attempting to readjust her
clothing on her new, smaller frame.  "Let's just say there
are worse fates than this," she responded dryly.  She was
shorter and slimmer as a girl, but she didn't shrink nearly
as much as she remembered Ranma shrinking -- in particular,
her feet only became slightly smaller, which she was
especially thankful for, as her shoes still fit after the
change.

The cops had pointed them straight down the main road of
the small town, and after a little over a half hour of
walking at Ukyou's death-march pace, they noticed a car had
gone off the road and smashed into a tree.

As they got closer, they noticed two figures huddled
pathetically on the side of the road.

Ryoga stared.  "Ranma...and A...Akane?"  What on Earth were
they doing here?

Ranma's eyes gleamed when she saw them.  "Oh!  Is that..."
She jumped up and wrapped Ryoga in a tight glomp.  "Ryoga!
Ryoga!  Ohmy_gawd_, it's like _so_ good to see you!"  Ranma
sort of nuzzled her face against Ryoga's in a way that she
found acutely disturbing.

Ryoga looked at the smaller girl nervously.  "R-Ranma?
I...uh..."  She held her umbrella above Ranma's head and
hurriedly emptied one of their precious thermoses of hot
water on her.

Cologne glanced at her sharply.  "Ryoga!" she snapped.
"Don't waste the hot water!  We only have four more
thermoses now!"

Ryoga was staring flatly at Ranma.  "So, Ranma."

Ranma stared back, terrified.  "Ryoga."  He looked down at
himself, hugging Ryoga's body _quite_ tightly, then
snatched the umbrella from her fingers with a yelp and
scrambled backwards, breathing raggedly.

Akane giggled as she watched Ranma's gender change.  She
winked at Ryoga.  "Like, thanks, Ryoga, I like, _totally_
like him better this way!" she babbled, fixing her bangs
carefully.

Ryoga reached into her pack for another thermos, but
Cologne stopped her with a sharp rap on the knuckles with
her staff.  "No!  Ryoga!  It's not important to change her
back.  We only have one umbrella, which Ranma will be
using!"

"But-" Ryoga stared into Akane's eyes.  "But we can't just
_leave_ her like this!" she protested.

Ranma nodded, a feverish look in his eyes.  "Ryoga's
right," he said.  His face had a haunted cast to it.
"Can't just leave her like that.  No way."

Akane gave another ditzy giggle.  "Ohmygawd, Ranma, come
_on_, why are you, like, always trying to change me back or
whatever?"  She gave a cute little frown.  "Are you saying
you, like, don't like me the way I _am_?"

Ranma just sort of shuddered spasmically in response,
trying to huddle as far away from the rain under Ryoga's
umbrella as he possibly could.

After a while, they managed to coax the story out of the
highly spooked Ranma.

"If they went up into the woods," Ryoga said, "then we're
going to have to wait until morning to go look for them."

Ukyou nodded, her massive form still taller than them all
by half a head even when she squatted down.  "I agree," she
boomed in her very non-Ukyou-ish voice.  "Let us make camp
here tonight."

"Here?" Cologne repeated, skeptically.  "Right by the side
of the road?"

Ryoga sighed, dropping her pack to the ground.  "Good a
place as any," she grunted, removing her tent from its
straps and assembling it with long-practiced efficiency.
"No sense in walking all the way back to the town.  There's
room for two inside," she said, as she worked.  "Maybe
three, if one of them is you, old woman."

"And who gets the tent?" Ukyou asked him, her bright gold
eyes twinkling with amusement.

Ryoga smiled mirthlessly.  "Certainly not you, you hulking
behemoth," she responded, her voice sardonic.  She ran her
free hand through her thick hair, still black as night even
as a woman.  "Ranma and Akane should sleep in the tent, of
course," she said shortly.

Ukyou's eyes gleamed silver-and-gold in the darkness.  She
looked over at Ranma and Akane; Ranma still seemed badly
unnerved from his transformation, and Akane was being
_very_ cuddly as she tried to comfort him.  She stared at
Ryoga levelly.  "Ranma and Akane," she repeated.

She completed assembling the tent, then motioned to Ranma.
"Get in, Ranma," she growled, practically shoving him in.
She walked up to Akane gingerly.  "A-Akane, you need
to...to..."

Akane giggled at her, watching her expectantly.

Ryoga felt her face burning.  _Somehow,_ she thought, _this
is even _more_ embarrassing when I'm a girl..._  "A...Akane,
please...please use my tent tonight.  If you wouldn't mind.
You...you and Ranma."

As soon as Akane entered the tent, Ryoga emptied a thermos
of hot water on her head and hastily tied the entrance shut,
breathing hard.

"I told you not to waste any more of that water, foolish
boy!" Cologne groused, staring daggers at her.

"Quiet, old woman."  Ryoga sat down on a nearby log with a
heavy sigh.  "The thermoses'll be cold by morning anyway.
We'll have to make a fire when we wake up to warm them
again."

Cologne seemed like she was about to say something else,
then pursed her lips, frowned, and disappeared into the
tent behind Akane.

Ukyou was looking at Ryoga, her eyes glowing like hot coals.
"It should be alright, so long as Akane's not in cursed
form.  They'll probably just spend all night arguing, right,
Ryoga?"

Ryoga stared off into the darkness, and paid her no
attention.  "I hope this rain stops," she muttered, a far-
off look in her eyes.  But it was a half-hearted hope; it
was strange and wonderful to feel the rain on her skin as a
human again, and she closed her eyes with something like
contentment as the cool drops pelted her face relentlessly.

The armored monster laughed.  It was a strange sound.

Ryoga looked back at her.  "Ukyou...?  What's funny?"

Her bright eyes gleamed, but Ryoga couldn't tell whether
they burned with humor or malice.  She rumbled, not
unkindly: "Nothing you would understand, human."

Ryoga shook her head.  "I think you're starting to lose it,
Ukyou."  She stood up and unrolled her sleeping bag, but
laid on top of it instead of climbing inside, savoring the
feel of the rain on her body.

As she drifted off to sleep, she was barely conscious of
Ukyou's silver-gold eyes glowing silently in the darkness,
filled with some emotion she couldn't quite name.

                             -*-

Cologne shook her head sadly.  "I'm afraid this curse is no
different from your old curse, son-in-law."

Ranma's fist clenched and unclenched rhythmically.  He
closed his eyes.  "So.  There's nothin'.  No...no trick, no
technique you could use on me...no new discipline you could
teach me..."

She considered that.  "Ranma, think of it this way.  This
curse affects your body and your mind in much the same way
as your old curse merely affected your body, and you can do
exactly as much about this curse as you could about your
old curse."

"Meanin' nothin'," he grunted, clenching his teeth.  He
looked over at Akane's softly snoring form, and seemed to
grow even angrier.

"Well," she said thoughtfully, "not necessarily nothing."

He stared at her.  "Whaddya mean, not 'necessarily'
nothin'?" he demanded, his expression hard.

"Think about it, son-in-law.  There were even things to be
done about your old curse, if you stop and think about it.
For example, did you know that there are many people in the
world who actually _wish_ to change their sex?"

He laughed bitterly.  "Only because they've never actually
had to."

Cologne shrugged.  "Nonetheless, there is surgery that
modern doctors can perform that actually changes a person's
sex.  It's imperfect, of course, and naturally you would
not have wanted that done on your female body..."

"What's your point?"

"Just this.  Just as you had the imperfect solution of
attempting to surgically alter your female body, you also
have the imperfect option of disciplining yourself to have
some measure of control over this valley girl form you have
acquired."

He was silent for a moment.  "Some measure of control," he
repeated.

She nodded.  "How you acquire that is up to you, I'm afraid,
son-in-law.  You must focus your mind.  That is all I can
tell you.  You've told me that you are conscious of what
you are doing even when you transform.  Use that.
_Focus_."  She paused for a moment, then added, at length,
"I suspect that whatever control you might obtain, it will
be incomplete at best, and your valley girl personality
will still be quite different from your own personality."

"Focus," Ranma repeated, a frightening intensity in his
eyes.  He stared balefully out of the tent's flap at the
pouring rain.  "I can focus, old ghoul.  I can focus..."

                             -*-
                             -*-

C&C welcomed, as always!  Like, dislike, hate with a passion?  I wanna know!

(If you missed the first two parts posted to the FFML, they're 
available on my website: http://www.prism.gatech.edu/~gth782m)

- George/Hunter Kid
gth782m@mail.gatech.edu


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