DB Sommer <sommert@connecttime.net> wrote:
% Got mixed feelings about giving us the information this way, but I
suppose it does what it's supposed to do.
I thought a little bit of background info should be there, because the
short stories themselves don't deliver much of that, if at all.
Ship Maskot - Tadakichi
% Mascot
Will change
% Ah, I see. Vingette style, that's a little better.
I can't imagine it any other way.
% Hmm. A bit too obligatory, methinks.
Yeah. Some of the shorts start to be funny because the theme will be
used again and again from different angles.
%' I expected' or 'I would have expected'
Will change.
% See. I think including the info here would have been better. Might
even want to open with it.
Could do, but there's not too much info here. Well, I can always include
some more. I'll look into this.
% Heh.
Yeah. No Star Trek story without people falling around and exploding
consoles... ^_^
Yomi answers, shaking her head, "Tomo just flew us
through the outer atmosphere of this gas giant. She said the
ship needs a new paint job. It's now glowing neon green."
% Well, she's efficient
Sometimes too efficient...
"Well, maybe I won't show them, afterall..."
% And a follow up.
Yep. You think it's better without?
"Hello, Tadakichi-san. Please stop licking my nose..."
% Had me for a moment there. Should have seen it coming.
Heh
"Shh, not so loud. Let's say I persuaded him."
% This one falls a bit flat as well
I already thought about rewriting that one. Seems I really should.
"Get away from me, you creepy faced hentai!"
% Yep. ID'd him right away.
Not that hard with him. ^_^
Slowly Tomo sneaks up to Chiyo who sits in the command
chair from behind. Osaka watches the scene unfold, but seems to
be staring right through, maybe deep in thought about the purpose
of live,
% life
Will change.
Suddenly Tomo grabs the little girl's pigtails and bends
them straight backwards shouting, "Hah! These look like warp
nacelles!".
Stray period, and 'Heh
Will change.
Overall amsuing, though some of them fell a little flat.Will get to the
next one.
Seems there's still something to work on. Thanks for your comments.
Ja
Christian "Schobronics" Schober