Since Bri's posted an experimental fanfic, and it seems to be fair game
for the FFML, I suppose I no longer have an excuse to not post this one.

Many thanks to Edward, Nemesis_Zero, Aondehafka, DB, and Jeram (apologies
to the last two for not responding to your comments; I've only seen them
very recently(reads: an hour ago) since I've been rather busy this
summer).  Your comments on the Refuge have made this fic immesurably
easier on the eyes.

Oh, and a general query, since I'm already posting.  Anyone know where
Fido is?  Been awhile since I've seen him on IRC, and a few of us are
wondering.



Cats



>From a tape recording, found at the scene of Tabitha Mao's disappearance.

Voice #1:  Who the hell are you?

[Silence]

Voice #1:  No, my name isn't Tendo Nabiki, Tempo Nakiki, or whoever you're
trying to look for, and I don't know anything about a Ranma.  Now get out
of here, before I call the police.

[Silence]

Voice #1:  Jonathan Pike sent you?  I see.  What a terrible way to go.
I'd read that someone found what was left of his body last week.  He was
the only person who ever knew my whole story..."

[a choked sob.  Two minutes pass]

Voice #1:  I'm sorry.  I didn't dare go to his funeral, and it's been
eating away at me.  To think that I may have indirectly been the cause of
his death.  I had warned him not to pry too far into this affair, as even
the little I knew could be deadly.  But he told me that his journalistic
pride wouldn't let him keep from seeking the truth, so I told him what I
knew in hopes that he be satisfied, and stay alive.  Poor guy.  Well, if
he trusted you enough to send you to me, I suppose it's safe to tell you
my experience with the book, though I suspect it won't help you very much.
Please, come in.

[Sounds of a door closing]

Voice #1:  Would you like some coffee?

[Silence]

Voice #1: I also like mine with cream.

	As you correctly surmised, my name is Tendo Nabiki.  Twenty years
ago, I did not live in this run down apartment, but was a high school
student in Japan.  I'd grown up in the small suburb of Nerima all my life,
and had a reputation as a straight-forward financially-minded person,
destined for greatness in the business world.  Despite my pretensions to
the contrary, I had no notion of what was truly happening in the
background, and believed that the general hectic tempo of the community
was the natural pace of life itself.
	My family was taking care of three guests that day.  One of those
guests, Saotome Ranma, was supposedly my junior by a year, and was engaged
to marry my little sister, Akane.  Although she often denied any feelings
for him, it was obvious to most people that she was deeply in love with
him.  And my family had all believed that Ranma loved her too.
	Another was Ranma's gluttonous father, Saotome Genma.  Although a
knowledgeable martial artist, and more powerful than most, he was
considered something of a joke amongst the elite martial artists that
roamed Nerima.
	 The last guest was Hibiki Ryouga, a boy with a serious grudge
against Ranma.  He had fought Ranma earlier that day, and as normal, Ranma
had injured him to some extent, yet not critically so.  I had known even
then that Ranma enjoyed playing with his opponents before defeating them,
but I had not believed anything to be inherently wrong with that.

	On that fateful day, twenty years ago, I discreetly followed
Saotome Ranma's circuitous route though a run down section of town.  I am
sure that Ranma had no knowledge of my pursuit.  Almost all men have
little mannerisms that they know nothing about, yet are apparent to the
observant viewer.  Tapping their fingers when self-confident, tightening
their hands when upset, and so forth.  Strangely enough, Ranma had only
one.  When he suspected something was amiss, his ears would lightly
flicker for less than an eye-blink's time.  For over a year, I had been
attempting to find where Ranma's secret journey brought him, but each time
I noticed that flicker, I broke off pursuit.  On that last day, I was
finally able to tell that his destination was the Nekohauten, the
restaurant and residence of another girl in his life, a Chinese warrior
princess called Shampoo.
	Oh, I was so pleased at the prospect of the information I could
find there!  Ranma had my younger sister Akane as his fiancee, yet was a
popular man with many women, and usually had two or three other girls
chasing after him.  Many people had wondered how he could resist the
attention they thrust at him, and I then believed that I had discovered
the answer.  I intended to record this meeting on my video camera, in
order to fully exploit this opportunity to help drive away my sister's
more persistent competitors.
	When I arrived five minutes after my quarry had entered, I pulled
myself up the Nekohauten's fire escape with the ease of a habit, and began
to record the proceedings within the restaurant through a small grimy
window.  Through my past experience at recording hidden liaisons and other
such secrets in the Nekohauten, I knew that I could not hear any sound
from my position, and for this I was thankful.  It would be far too easy
to inadvertently make a small noise and thus give notice of my presence to
any highly trained martial artists such as Ranma or the occupants of the
Nekohauten, and so the soundproofing was a welcome feature.  Thankfully,
I'd previously planted hidden miniature microphones throughout many
locations in Nerima in anticipation of such an event, and the Nekohauten
was one of them.  I could always go back later, when the restaurant was
open, and discreetly collect them.

[Silence]

Voice #1:  Have I bugged this room now?  Don't be silly.  I don't do that
kind of thing anymore.

	Initially, the lack of noise did not seem to matter.  Ranma was
sitting at one booth staring at the door to the kitchen, with a small cage
of four mice.  If either the proprietor of the restaurant, Cologne; or her
great-granddaughter and waitress, Shampoo were in the room, they were out
of my limited viewing range.  My patience began to wear thin, as I
shivered on the fire escape ledge, yet I'd learned in the past that
patience often brought rewards.  And after what seemed like half an hour,
I was indeed rewarded, for Shampoo stepped out from behind a closed
door.
	She was stark naked, and crawled on all fours.  An odd position,
and one not natural for humans, but she somehow managed to carry herself
in a fashion that implied even greater arrogance and pride than she
typically displayed.  Ranma had also begun to crouch, and I recognized
that both of them had begun to perform some of the simpler stances of the
Nekoken.  I was not overly surprised at Ranma's behavior at the time,
becase I had seen it before, and thought I knew the reason for it.  Genma
had told my family how he had foolishly trained his son in the legendary
Art of the Nekoken.  We were told that the technique drives its
practitioners to madness, so that they believe they are a cat.  I had yet
to discover that this was all a lie.
	Still, such an event was bizarre even by Neriman standards.  To my
knowledge at the time, Shampoo had never learned the Nekoken, and further
more, Ranma shouldn't have had his Nekoken state triggered because Shampoo
was still human.

[Silence]

Voice #1:  Hmm?  Yes, that's right.  Shampoo could also change her form.

[Silence]

Voice #1:  No, I'm not surprised that you believe me.  Pike wouldn't have
sent you to me, unless you were familiar with this sort of business.
What I am is annoyed with you.  If you have something to say, shut up and
wait until I've completed the story.

[Slight but sharp bang.  Probably a fist hitting the coffee table.]

	Now, where was I?  Oh yes, Shampoo's entrance.  Ranma was acting
strangely (not that anything he did was ever normal, including simple
things like eating and entering houses through their windows.)  When he
opened the cage and reached into it, rather than pick up a mouse as a
human would, he batted it until it sailed through the air.  Shampoo lazily
waved her pa--hand and suddenly, the mouse turned into Ryouga.
	Ryouga was no slouch.  As soon as he transformed, he quickly
charged towards Shampoo, who was standing between him and the exit.  With
the Shampoo that I knew, he should have been able to flatten her.
Remember how I mentioned that Saotome Genma was better than most fighters?
Although they never fought each other, I'd guess that Ryouga was much
better.
	Yet a quick swatting motion from Shampoo turned most of his left
arm into a fine mist, and sent him reeling back.  During this time, Ranma
leapt upwards, and slammed into Ryouga's head from above, sprawling the
poor boy onto his back.  Although my view of the scene came with no sound,
the sheer agony on his face as he screamed was horrifying enough that I
imagined that I could hear him.
	Most people would probably have watched, like rubberneckers do
when they see car wrecks on the side of the road, until they crash their
own cars.  I always had enough presence of mind to prevent myself from
doing that, and rather than wait around and see Ryouga's eventual demise,
I decided to investigate to see what was going on.  I realized that it was
no use going back home to see my family.  If I tried to tell Akane, she'd
probably rush out once I'd mentioned that Ranma was with Shampoo, and get
herself killed.  And the other martial artists around here wouldn't be of
much more help.  With the possible exception of Happosai or Cologne, they
would be only so many more casualties against such a pair of such
unstoppable forces.  Happosai hadn't been seen in weeks, and if Cologne
was anywhere close to the restaurant, she would surely have investigated
the scene and dealt with it somehow.
	Thus, I decided to forgo direct means, and sought to investigate
the situation instead.  I thought that if I could discover what caused
them to behave so strangely, I might find how to put an end to it.  With
that hopeful ambition, I quietly entered the restaurant through the
service entrance in the back.
	It's funny.  When people talk about others as cold and
calculating, they usually focus on the cold.  But they never really think
about the calculating part.  A person can either be an emotional wasteland
inside, or a passionate person, but if they can't weigh the risks they're
taking, they're bound to fail by wasting their efforts.  When I entered
the building, I knew that I ran a grave risk of becoming the next victim.
But I knew where they were, and that the other occupants of the
restaurant, Cologne and their other waiter Mousse were either gone, or
were compromised.  Also, if I delayed, the two would have time to find
other prey.  For all I knew, I would be next, and the only person in
Nerima who even realized that there was danger would be eliminated.  It
was far less of a risk to act now, than to put it off until later.  So
ignoring the butterflies in my stomach and Ryouga's now audible shrieks of
agony as best as I could, I made my way through the building.

	Mousse's room had recently been drenched in blood.  I quickly
turned away, but not before noticing a duck carcass on the ground.  In
stark contrast, Shampoo's room was neat and orderly, and I almost
proceeded to Cologne's room, when I noticed the leathery book lying open
on her dresser.  Although it was not the only book in the room, it seemed
to exude a chill aura.
	I really should have immediately gone to Cologne's room, since it
was commonly known that her room a repository for most of the Chinese
magical artifacts in the town, but I decided to first take a peek at the
book.  And that, sir, was the beginning of the end.
	The page described a magical formula through which one could
infuse some of their life into a recently deceased corpse, and revitalize
it.  The cost was great on the user, for any power spent would be
unavailable while the corpse walked.  But the corpse could act
autonomously, even if in truth it had no volition except that granted by
its master, and used either as an expendable soldier or as a distraction.
	Interesting, if disgusting.  Though I suspected what I would find
in the third room, I decided to proceed anyway.

	And my suspicions were well founded.  Ranma's comments of "Old
Ghoul" had not been insults, but a literal truth used to mock the rest of
us in our ignorance.  "Cologne" was in a closet standing upright yet
unresponsive, obviously propped against a wall.  Evidently, she was one of
the revitalized dead, used in Shampoo's elaborate scheme of deception, but
recently drained of the infused life-force.  And that meant that the
restaurant had no potential allies for me, but was now a deathtrap.  The
longer I stayed, the more likely I was to be discovered.  Ryouga gave one
final shriek, which trailed off into a death gurgle, and I soon heard the
sound of tearing flesh and smacking lips.  Realizing that my time was up,
I fled outside, picked up my recording camera, and quickly stole away.

	I hadn't remembered taking the book with me, and had not realized
it was inside my purse until I was far from the restaurant.  I thought it
was a fatal error on my part, and cursed myself soundly.  Once the two
cat-martial artists were done eating Ryouga, they might discover their
missing book, and would be on the hunt.  With that fear in my heart, I
quickly ran home, thinking to warn my family of the danger they
entertained by hosting the Saotomes.  I planned how to break it to them on
the way back.  I would get them on one of the trains out of Tokyo first,
on the pretext that Ranma had run away to commit suicide, after Genma had
pushed him too far.  That would take care of that old and useless father,
if he tried to interfere.  On the train, I'd tell them the real story.
While they would naturally disbelieve me at first, the unholy aura from
the book would dispel any doubts.

	 When I arrived at the house, everything was quiet.  Too quiet.
"Dad!  Kasumi!  Akane!"  I called to each of them, yet heard no response.
Racing through the home I had grown up in, I almost tripped over a fat and
bald man lying in the middle of the doorway between the living room and
the kitchen.  It was Genma, clearly dead.
	With a sudden chill in my heart, I remembered that the cage of
little mice had four prisoners in total.  One of them had been Ryouga,
whom the two...played with before they ate.  And that left three more
mice...

	I was sick to my stomach, but I knew in the time that it took me
to run back, two of my family could already have been killed.  And by the
time I managed to round up any help, the last of them would already be
dead.  Furthermore, who could I trust?  And I didn't know the answer to
the most important question of all: why?  Why had they stalked and
infiltrated my family with such an elaborate ruse?
	With tears in my eyes, I fled the house, and Nerima.  I realized
that Ranma and Shampoo probably knew I would want to take the trains, so I
avoided them.  The decision saved my life, for the next day, I learned
that there had been a series of terrible accidents and that all trains
outbound from Nerima had been savaged.

	Instead, I walked to the closest airport, and took an airplane out
of the country.  I hated every step, knowing that I had the money to
afford a cab, but Ranma and Shampoo might have anticipated that.  They
would never have expected me, who never did any work if it could be
helped, to actually walk.  But I did walk, and I am still alive.
	Once I arrived at the airport, I had a passport with an assumed
name, and using it, I fled the country.

[Silence]

Voice #1:  No, I don't have any Yakuza connections or anything like that.
Actually, I made the passport because I was bored, and I always see them
make such a big deal out of making false passports in the movies.  So I
wanted to see if it was really as hard as they say.  Actually, once you
know the right people, it's pretty easy to do.

[Silence]

Voice #1:  I could go into details, but you're not here for that, are you?

	Anyway, since that time, I've been living here.  I have this small
chain of Mom and Pop stores that I own under an assumed name, which gives
me enough to live off of without having to expose my presence.  While I
could have always entered into and triumphed in the business world, or at
least have made a killing on the options market, I found that would have
been a deadly mistake.

	You see, I've read more of that accursed book since that day, and
that's why I still live in fear, even if the events I've described to you
are twenty years old and half a globe away.  Ranma and Shampoo act for
greater feline powers, ones that could conquer the world in an instant if
they so chose.  But they, like all their lesser servants and progeny,
enjoy toying with their prey before making the kill.  And so, rather than
a direct confrontation, they seek to herd us, put us off balance, and make
us confused.  They've replaced the top business men and women in positions
of political and economic power.  You have heard of ambitious CEOs
referred to as predators, I'm sure.  That metaphor is more accurate than
its speakers know.

	And I dare not leave this small, backwoods town, for I am sure
that the two still hunt for me.  They could strike me before I could ever
recognize them, for their Jusenko curses were a ruse; they could actually
change shape at will.  Had they the chance, they would, for I know their
secrets.  I know the names of their Gods, such as the awful Cathulhu, and
the dread Nyaolathotep; and I know how to summon eldritch powers and the
demonic events of history that resulted from others doing so.

	That's really what they want.  "Reality" is merely a mass
perception, and they seek to change that perception to their own, and thus
conquer this reality through the force of mind.  They don't have the
numbers to do it yet, and must create more of their kind from humans.
Not all humans are suitable, for they do not have the same capability to
perceive the world that the monsters do.

	And that brings us to you.  Pike must have found that you can see
the things that I do, and of your desire to see the book that I had
mistakenly taken when I fled my hometown those decades ago.  While an
inquisitive mind is admirable, for your own sake, I must caution you to
turn your back on this line of inquiry.  I haven't read from the book in
years, and wouldn't even look at it, if I had the choice, but it doesn't
matter.  It's posession is causing me to change.  Sunbeams shining through
windows cause great feelings of lethargy in me.  I have to force myself to
take baths in order to clean myself, rather than use my tongue. And worst
of all, the common chatter of people on a bus or in a crowded area has
begun to sound like so much squeaking to me.  I've recently begun to
wonder how it would be to sink my teeth through someone's spine, and eat
their stomach while they were still alive.

	If you value your sanity, sir, turn away from this path.  Do not
let yourself gaze upon the Nekonomico--SHAMPOO!!!  How?!  A
transformation?!

[Silence]

Voice #1:  How did you gain Pike's trust?  I...I knew him.  He wouldn't
have confided in anyone he didn't already know.

[Silence]

Voice #1:  RANMA?!  All along?  God.  He ... I.  You mean that we ...  Oh
God.

[Silence]

Voice #1:  All those years ago, how did you both avoid being shown on my
video camera?  The video I recorded shows nothing of you or Ranma.  Only
Ryouga thrashing around in some seizure before being ripped open..

[Silence]

Voice #1:  More "real" than us?  Then it's already too late, isn't it?
You're already in the end stages, and now you are just waiting for the
proper stars and planets to align.  The counter-rites, the friends I've
made and lost when we raided the Last Library ... everything I've done to
resist you has been for nothing.

[Silence]

Voice #1:  So what now?  You're going to kill me, right?  Even if I don't
have a chance to win, I'll still fight you.

[Silence]

Voice #1:  WHAT?  NO!  Not that!  Please, just kill me instead.  Please
let me die human.  I'm a human, damn you!  We

may be just mice to you damn monsters, but we're still people!  Damn you!
Damn you!  DaIA!  IA!  MIA!  MIA!

MIYAOOOOOOOOW!

~

Notes:

I'm sure that you all have those fics which you work on intermittently
every so often, and delete half of what you had written when you open it
again next month(Okay, except for you, DB).  Well, here's one of mine.  I
had this idea sometime around 6 years ago, and continually picked at it,
then tore it apart.  It's rather interested to see the stilted sentence
structure that I was using back then, and how it's developed.  Although
I've gone through and changed most them to sound more euphonious, bits and
pieces of it may still be found.


If you have a Refuge account, and you're interested in how the fic
developed, there is a bit more to this final note in my very rought draft
Refuge post that describes how this fic has evolved.  It is located
in the Fiction Submission/Commentary forum, and yhe thread number is
363.

Finally, to anticipate a few comments:
* What happened to Ukyou, the last fiancee?
+	She can be found at Not Appearing In This Fic, mainly because I
could think of a way to write her in without ruining the pacing or the
basic assumptions.  Basically, she's just not catty enough, and anyway,
too many cats might not work out so well.  Suggestions on how to remedy
this are welcome.

* This fic is in script!  Script sucks!
+	Please read the fic again.  Then let me know how to evoke the same
mood, without the silent pauses.  Furthermore, for this particular
viewpoint, I think this is the optimal format.

* Why the title?
+	Because I'm very bad at thinking of good titles.  I was thinking
IAMS what IAMS, but then I would be infringing on a trademark, most people
aren't familiar with Catfood brands, and it's not supposed to be a silly
fic, anyway.

* Wasn't the last time you posted a fic sometime during last century?
Aren't you just some old-time hack writer past his writing prime?
+	Good question.  Next question.

* Can I nominate you for the next Oscir awards?
+	This interview is over.
+	[Silence]

-Natsume Ranma Ranma
-------
The sardines weren't worth the trouble.  A few more shots, then
Ryoga-san would overheat and explode.  Ducking around a corner,
I managed to lose him as I entered the ramshackle residence of
my Anime supplier.

One look at his face and I knew that I had been betrayed.  "Tell me,"
I insisted.  He refused, so I slammed him against the wall.
"Last chance.  Where can Ranma-Ranma find good fanfics?"
"Try Jason Liao," he whispered, before he slumped to the floor.
I heard the sounds of a door splintering as I left through the
window, one step ahead of Tendo Heavy Industries...

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