And now...

Dragonboy & Stiel presents:  The next C&C/MST installment of-

Ranma 1/2

Nabiki?...Impossible!

By Nicholas Stone

Chapter Ten

       He could hear her crawling around on the floor and thought best
to keep her at least within arms reach as he pondered their situation.
Taking a small maglight from the bag, turned it on and panned the yellow
lens colored light around in search of her.
       �Akane?� he whispered.  She was gone and panic started to fill
his mind.  �Great, I�ve lost a totally blitzed, three hundred pound
woman in less than a minute.  This just is not happening!�

Stiel:  Don't worry, unless she jumped back out the window, there's really
nowhere for her to go that he wouldn't notice.

Dragonboy:  ...And heaven forbid he be worried about a drunk girl jumping
out the window.

       A pair of hands appeared from either side of the chair slapping
down on Ryoga�s shoulders.  Ryoga started to yell but cut it off,
covering his mouth as his pulse raced in his ears.  Akane�s grinning
face hove up close to his.

Dragonboy:  That should probably be 'hovered'.

       �Boo,� she said.
       The shock faded away, Ryoga�s eyes returning to normal size as
Akane started giggling uncontrollably.
       �Akane, this is not the time for games!� he snapped, shooting up
out of the seat.

Dragonboy:  Maybe he should have jumped out of his chair when Akane
grabbed him, instead of after the fear had past?

       Her giggles stopped, Akane staring at Ryoga pacing around in a
tight circle at the center of the room.  She suddenly began whimpering.
       �Akane this is not the time for tears, okay.  We�re in big
trouble here.�
       �So, so, so you don�t want to play with me?�

Ryoga:  Sure I do, Akane, just not in the way you're thinking.

       �Oooooo� Ah-ooooooo� Ranmaaaaa� you never want to play with me
anymore!�
       �Oh, she still thinks I�m Ranma!�
       �Bwaaahahahaaaaa� always pretending to have a headache� I know
what kind of headache you�re supposed to have but you never get one!�

Ryoga:  Oookay, maybe it is the way you're thinking.  In that case...

       That shocked Ryoga and he stood speechless for a second.  �This
is definitely not the time to for this.�  He rushed over taking Akane by
the shoulders.  �Akane, please stop.  Someone�s going to hear you�

Stiel:  You missed the punctuation on the end.

       Akane stopped crying again.  �Okay,� she said in a meek voice.
Ryoga thought he�d finally gotten through to her, but she went over to
Maeda�s desk, kicked aside the chair in front and then bent over placing
her hands on the front edge.  �I�m ready,� she said, bracing herself.
       �Ready?  Ready for what?� asked Ryoga.
       �My spanking.�
       This time the blood did start rushing from Ryoga�s nose.  �I�ve
married the wrong woman,� he said in disbelief.

Stiel:  I don't know, Akari was pretty eager to learn some new things from
Nabiki earlier.

       �Come on!  Get it out of your system so we can go back to a
normal life.�  Still Ryoga remained still and Akane frowned.  �You
better get over here, Ranma Saotome, or, or, or I�m going to call my
daddy and he�ll come over and browbeat you to death until you do!�

Dragonboy:  Or maybe just beat him.

       �Uh, okay �dear�.  I�ll come and do what I-I�m supposed to do?�

Dragonboy:  Period, not question mark.

       Man, if Akari finds out about this!

Ryoga:  She'll want to have Akane join us!  And Ranma will never go for
that after what happened that night we got drunk together!

       He reached out first down then with a lightning pulled the
transceiver from her ear and quickly backed away.

Stiel:  Try changing that to something like 'with lightning-quick speed,
pulled...'

Dragonboy:  Also, puts some commas after 'out' and 'down'.

       [Why?  What�s happened to Akane?] said Ranko, fearing the worst.
Ukyo too stopped what she was doing and frowned.  She handed off the
tongs in her hands to Akari and started making her way though the guest
in search of Nabiki.

Stiel:  'guests'

       [She, uh, she uhm� she�s kind �a drunk.] explained Ryoga.

Dragonboy:  'kind 'a' could probably be one word.

       [She�s drunk!  One of those damn guards�s of Maeda gave her a
swig of Moonshine and now she�s plastered.  Worse still I had to haul
her ass up to this floor.  You know, Ranma, your wife is not light.]
       [Tell me about it.  You wouldn�t know it if (PHFTH!!!) that�s not
important right now!  You can�t give Akane alcohol!  She just thinks
about the word and she�s blitzed for the week!]

Dragonboy:  Is that supposed to be 'word' or 'world', cause it doesn't
seem to make sense the way it's written.

Stiel:  Does it really matter?  After all, I'd say she's been thinking of
something else anyway.

       Ryoga looked over at Akane again.  She was back bent over the
desk again, wagging her behind teasingly around at him grinning from ear
to ear and humming a light meandering tune.

Ryoga:  Excuse me a moment, Ranma.  ...Okay, I'm back.

Ranma:  What was that smacking noise?

Ryoga:  I was swatting Aka-a-a...a mosquito.

       [Don�t worry about that!] growled Ranko.  [Ryoga, how could you
let Akane get drunk?]
       [I couldn�t stop her!  Anyway, she thinks I�m you and� uh oh� no,
no Akane, don�t do that!]
       It went silent and Ranko tensed up.  She could hear faint
mutterings, some moans and then Ryoga�s voice returned.
       [FShesph TTTTafkingph offffherclphothfths!]
       [What?]
       [I said (ooph!), Akane will you stop I�m trying to talk here!]
       [Spank my butt, Ranmaaaaa.]
       Ranko�s long gasp of air drew the attention of the guests
standing close by in the adjoining room.  They could only watch in utter
amazement as Ranko, now in full rage, hopped madly around arms flailing,
ranting out loud at some imaginary being.

Dragonboy:  There's one of those ties to the former self I suggested.  A
big misunderstanding leading to a fight, which quickly causes more trouble.

Stiel:  Good fun for everyone.

       �This is so good.  This is so good.  Oh this is so, so, so good!�
       Ukyo hurried through the crowd searching for Nabiki barely able
to contain her joy.  Even with Ranko�s raving in her ear, she still
found this new twist entertaining.  The only downside was the inability
to record everything that was going on.  Sure would make a great movie
or the plot for a new T.V. series.

Stiel:  (Grumbling) Just what we need, more reality television.

       [That�s it, Hibiki!  I�m telling Akari you�re flirting with my
wife!]
       [I�m not doing anything of the sort!  I can�t help it if you�re
wife is not satisfied with her home life!]

Dragonboy:  BA-Zing!

       [What!  You better take those words back, and keep your hands off
of my wife!]
       What the, wondered Nabiki?  [Guys, guys!  What�s going on?]

Stiel:  Try 'What the? wondered Nabiki.'

Dragonboy:  Actually, I don't know if that works either.  Maybe if you
have her speak it rather than just think it.

       The circuit went dead.  Only Ukyo�s deviant laughter broke the
silence, then Nabiki drew in a breath.
       [Ryoga.  What has happened to Akane?]
       [She�s drunk.]
       [What!]
       Ukyo could hold back no more, laughing out loud holding her
sides.  �Ukyo, this is not funny!� shouted Nabiki.

Stiel:  I think it's funny. :)

Dragonboy:  You're not the one who's life hangs in the balance.

       �To me it is.  And I want to tell you Nabiki, I�m going to
cherish every second of this.�
       Nabiki frowned.  [Ryoga, how in the hell did Akane get a hold of
alcohol?   Kodachi is down here!]
       [What does that matter!] raged Ranko.  [Akane is blitzed.  She
can�t open a safe in this condition!]
       [Not to mention she thinks I�m Ranma and keeps complaining about
family matters.]
       [Really?  Talking about babies again?]
       [Stay out of our private life!  Nabiki, what are we going to do
about Akane?]
       Nabiki paused.  She chuckled and cut a humored glance over at
Ukyo.  �This is getting kind of good.�

Stiel:  Uh oh, the stress is getting to her.  She's becoming delirious.

       �Isn�t it though?  Too bad I can�t hear what they�re saying now.�
       Nabiki giggled and caught herself before she slipped any further.
[We�re getting behind schedule, guys and this will certainly add to our
time.]

Dragonboy:  Move the comma from schedule to guys.

       [Give me a second,] answered Nabiki.  It was all the time she
needed.  [Okay.  Ranko, where are you?  I did not see you when we passed
through your area.]
       [I�m in the coat closet.]
       It was better not to ask why, Nabiki continued.  [Well come out
of the closet, odd as it sounds, and get back to your station.  Ryoga,
keep Akane there and quiet.]

Stiel:  If Ranma comes out of the closet while he's a girl, what does that
say for his sexual preference?

Dragonboy:  You're thinking too hard again.

       Nabiki took off the earpiece and gave it back to Ukyo.  �Get down
to Kodachi,� she instructed her, �See if she knows or has something that
can sober Akane up enough to be half-useful.�
       �Kodachi?  Are you sure, Nabiki?  She might try and slip Akane
some poison or worse one of her sleep potions.�

Dragonboy:  I fail to see how a sleeping potion could be worse than
poison.

Stiel:  At least with the poison she'd be able to avoid the wicked hangover
that's awaiting her in the near future.

       Hikaru glanced at the van.  �Okay, a slight mistake, but at least
we know that Kasumi�s cooking is appreciated by the animals too.�
       �Go to the van, Hikaru.�
       Gosunkugi gulped and faced the van.  He took another hesitant
step towards it and spun around again.  �Aw Doc, I�d rather face you
again than go in there!�

Stiel:  Not me.  Who knows what kinds of acupressure techniques Tofu
could use to torture a person with.

       �Hikaru, remember the plan.  You draw it out, it chases you into
the woods, I limp into the van, you double back and dive in, and we both
shut the door.  Got it?�
       �It�s that chase me part that got me concerned, Doc.�
       �What about it?  You�re a spry young man, so it should be no
problem.�

Dragonboy:  (Consulting a thesaurus)  Spry:  (adj.)  Lively, active, agile,
nimble.  Four words that definitely do _not_ describe Gos.

       �That bear might catch me!  I�m thin enough that it could eat me
with one gulp.  What then?�
       �Well then you get to finish your meal.�
       Hikaru pondered that for a moment, finally agreeing with him.
�Yeah, I could.  It was looking tasty and�.�
       He started realizing what he was saying.  Ono laughed at the
frowning man and then pointed to the van.  �Bear,� he said.

Gosunkugi:  No, Dr. Tofu, _van_.

Smack!

       ��hello?� Hikaru called to it.  No response, Gosunkugi quickly
moving back.  �Sorry, Doc, but the bear seams not interested in me.�

Dragonboy:  Seem, not seam, unless the bear is working on his sewing.

       �Hikaru hit it!�

Dragonboy:  Comma after 'Hikaru' so that it becomes a command, not a
statement.

       �What?�
       �I said hit it!�
       �Why, it�s not interested in me.  In fact it doesn�t even
realize I�m there at all.�

Stiel:  I sense the title to an autobiography in there.

       Anymore protests were useless; Gosunkugi timidly returning to the
side door repeating Ono�s command mockingly as he did.  The bear had not
moved and it now appeared to be asleep or just about to doze off. Great,
my luck it�s female and a grouchy female means an angry female the worst
form of any species.

Dragonboy:  Tell us about it.  We have three sisters and five girl cousins.

Stiel:  And two female cats.

       Gosunkugi stared at the bear for a moment and then took the
branch in both hands.  Gathering up all of the nerve he had, Hikaru made
a sharp thrust out towards the bear  shouting, �I�m sorry!� as he did.
       His actions were well rewarded as a loud growl filled the air,
joined immediately by Gosunkugi�s own as he

Stiel:  Gosunkugi was growling?

       Shifting to one side, Ono crouched; waiting as Hikaru burst
through the brush in desperate flight for his life.  The bear, now at
full lope, vaulted over the top mouth open ready to tear into its prey.

Dragonboy:  Comma after 'top'.

Suddenly Doctor Tofu rose up and with two fingers held tight together
made a thrust hitting the bear just behind its head near the neck.  Both
it and Hikaru crumpled to the ground in a heap.
       �AH!  AH! I�M DEAD, I�M DEAD!  IT�S EATEN ME AND I�M INSIDE ITS
STOMACH, hey where�s my dinner, AH, AH! IT�S DARK, I�M BEING DEVOURED!
AH, PAIN, PAIN,PAAAIN!�

Bear:  Geez, why do I always swallow my food whole?  Now I gotta listen
to him cry in there until he's all digested.

       Inside the van the place was a shambles with parts and pieces of
seats and paneling strew everywhere.  Claw marks ripped across several
of the windows and then Hikaru let out a gasp staring at where their

Dragonboy:  windows.  Then Hikaru let out a gasp, staring at

computer had been set up.  The chassis lay on the floor part of the

Dragonboy:  lay on the floor, part of the

outer case bent and dented in, but what worried Hikaru more were the
long claw marks running almost the entire length of the flat screen
dangling precariously by one wire on the wall.
       �Oh Doc we might be out of commission,� he said climbing inside.
       Ono began to follow when suddenly he smelled a thick mucky reek,
wrinkling his nose as he drew back in disgust.  �Aw, what is that?� he
cried.

Stiel:  Does a bear crap in the woods?

Dragonboy:  Only if there's not an outhouse or a van in the vicinity.

       Tofu sighed and sat down with a harrumph in frustration.  He let
out a yell that startled Hikaru sending him for cover.
       �Doc, Doc!  What�s wrong?� he exclaimed.
       Tofu sat silent for a moment, his head hung low.  He looked up
and then peered over at Gosunkugi.
       �I found it,� was the only thing he said, hanging his head back
down.
       �Ew,� muttered Hikaru, shuddering.  �I�m so glad I don�t know how
to drive��

Dragonboy's Thoughts:  Don't think I've ever seen a fic with Tofu taking so
much crap before, but it's a good thing.  Tofu and Gos were two of the
more overlooked characters of the series, in my opinion, and I like seeing
them given rolls in fanfics like this.

Anywho, even though the story didn't progress very far in this chapter, the
comedy did a good job of holding it together.  I realize with so much going 
on
in the story it can slow it down, but as long as it doesn't get boring, you
should be fine.

Stiel's Thoughts:  Most of my thoughts have already been said, so for now
I'll just stick with 'good chapter again' and we'll get to work on the next
chapter tomorrow.


Dragonboy
Studies show that 10 out of 9 people have a problem with fractions.

Stiel
I'll think of a clever line eventually.

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