Subject: [FFML] [C&C] Relentless - Epilogue 1
From: Gary Kleppe
Date: 5/16/2005, 2:24 PM
To: ffml@anifics.com
CC: thunderstruck_comic@comcast.net


And I'm caught up. Yaaay. :)

Ranma felt the pressure wave a moment before the punch
connected, and jerked away from the blow. He heard the shift of
Ryouga's shoe, crunching the gritty dirt slightly as he
Planted his weight, and knew the Lost Boy was about to follow

planted (lower-case "p")

He could feel the cooler air on the bare skin his back, and

on the bare skin of his back,
(seems like you're missing a preposition of some sort there)

The punch whistled of Ranma's head as he ducked and shattered

whistled off Ranma's
(I think you mean -- unless Ryoga's taken up Martial Arts Opera; but that's
probably an Alan Harnum fic)

the cement of the wall.

Suggest:

The punch whistled off Ranma's head as he ducked, and it shattered

(At first glance I thought it was Ranma who shattered the wall.)

GENMA: I always told the boy that a good martial artist uses his head, but....

"Heh... remind me never to let you sit on me." The two fighters
made their way over to the entrance to the vacant lot. Ranma
collected his shirt from the ground where he'd left it - he'd
gotten very good at remembering where objects were.

Yeah, but just wait 'til he gets married to Akane, and she starts rearranging
all of his stuff.... :)

"Nah," Nabiki replied, waving her hand. "It's not so much the
fighting I want to learn, sis - it's the stealth. I'm more

learn, Sis

I knew it wasn't going to be what it sounded like, but the fake-out was funny.

The Tendou girl ground her teeth. "Fine. Then how come you've
kept that from Ranma."

from Ranma?"
(looks like it's said as a question)

I've mixed feelings about the ending. Since Akane normally doesn't hold a
grudge, it's a good test of her character to put her in this situation, no
matter what she finally ends up doing. But it seems unfortunate that she's
there because somebody else pushed her into it, not really of her own choice.

Also, I really didn't like the bit with Cologne at the end. For one thing, it
seems dramatically wrong, because it's insulating Akane from the consequences
of her actions. It would be fitting if after having sat out the Reikoku battles
she finally picked up her own relentless pursuer of sorts. Also, I have trouble
believing that Happosai would back down just on Cologne's say-so. After all,
it's not like he's got a lot of years left anyway, and he might well be willing
to risk Cologne's ire for the sake of his pride. Even if not, he can still get
back at Akane in subtle ways that aren't provably traceable to him.

Anyway, I liked the Ranma/Ryoga scene, and am looking forward to the last
epilogue. I saw the title on the web site, and it promises to be a fun one.


-Gary

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