I hope this gets to you okay. this is my first
attempted fanfic and
the
first time i've tried sending it to the FFML. This
story is a
continuation
story from the end of the Ranma series and is roughly
80% comedy (i
hope)
with a little angst and MSTing here and there.
why don't you just say at the beginning "Don't
read this it's going to be annoying"?
I don't have my own website yet, so if you happen to
miss a chapter or
anything, e-mail me privately and i'll send you
another copy. my e-mail
address is at the bottom of the page.
**********
This is a story that takes place in little place
called Nerima, Japan.
To
anyone who didn�t live there, it would seem like the
craziest, most out
of
control place in the entire world.
[truncated]
This introduction is entirely unnecessary. And
annoying.
Just Another Day
A Ranma � fanfic by Dragonboy (With random inputs by
Dark Light)
Disclaimer: Most of these characters don�t belong to
me; though I wish
I
could take credit for them.
[truncated]
Italic words signify thought.
<> signifies Chinese.
[] signifies sign writing.
() signifies author�s random inputs/MSTing. My buddy
DL will be doing
most
of this.
try to wean yourself off these markers in the
future. They're very
amateurish and if you ever want to get into original
fiction you won't be
able to use them.
Prologue--Same Thing Only Different
A boy stood outside the outer walls of the Furinkan
High School. The
gentle
breeze of the autumn air caused his long silvery hair
and long white
cape to
billow out elegantly
"elagantly" not really necessary here. The cape
billowing shows
the reader the elagance (or pomposity of the character
with you telling them.
[truncated]
The boy barely noticed them. His emerald-green eyes
slowly scanned the
school grounds as he felt the aura in the air around
him. So far he
was
disappointed, only one person, a shaggy-haired
upperclassman
How would he know he was an upperclassman?
[truncated]
�Well then,� The boy said. �I shall apologize to you
now, ma�am, for
having
to kill him.�
laughs here.
[truncated]
Ginami, still under Shampoo�s bike, was little
impressed. �Excuse me,
ma�am, but if it�s not too much trouble, would you
mind moving your
bike
before I unleash seven kinds of lethal fury upon you?�
He asked in
what
barely passed as a calm voice.
not so funny the second time
[truncated]
Ginami only smiled. �Don�t worry, your time will
come.� He turned
back to
Ranma. �Remember, five days until you meet your fate
coward. You�ll
regret
ever insulting Ginami Ryujin, the Dragon Master.� And
with a sweep of
his
cape, he walked off.
this is a fairly well done "ranma's life is
tough" montage. If I hadn't seen similar things far
too many times previously, I might like this. Your
grammar is very good and the fight scenes move well.
Your descriptions are good starting out and get less
specific as the action increases (ryoga appearing is
especially vague) as they really ought to. My main
problem is that the dramatic question here isn't
interesting to me. The dramatic question here seems to
be very straightforward. Will Ginami beat Ranma? But,
see, I already know the answer. No, he won't. I think
you might have a story here, actually. It could turn
into something interesting. At the moment though its
missing a hook. If something different is going to
happen, go ahead and show it in your prologue. As it
stands, I would never read past this section.
-Zorknot
http://www.geocities.com/zorukonotsu/fanfics.html
http://www.fanfiction.net/~zorknot
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