Nicholas Leifker wrote:

You didn't help the author in any way, shape, or form.  You just wanted 
to put the beat-down on a story you didn't like.  Let's take a look at 
this criticism:

***

snip

This isn't a completely bad fic though in the sense that it highlights 
what
one shouldn't do when writing a fic. One can learn as much from 
mistakes as
they can from successes. I would recommend people looking this over 
just to
see how horribly things can go wrong and learning on what not to do in a
fic. I'd like to have said somethig more helpful about this thing, but
others have already gone over it line by line, and I would only be 
repeating
what they said. This is one of those rare instances where I recommend
abandoning a fic as in its current state, it's unsalvagable.

DB Sommer

Seems to me he helped the author considerably. He gave two
BIG pieces of advice:

1) Chuck the whole things as it is now.
2) Don't do the things done in this story as they are all bad.

All the author has to do to make it better is look at the original
text and not do the same thing.

Personally, I agree with DB. While the story was just a little
different than your average R/SM xover, it broke just about every
rule of decent writing I've ever learned. The author had a good
idea, but cobbled together a story by cut-n-pasting every bad
cliche and scene you would find in MSTs of Ranma and Sailor
Moon fanfiction.

It's strong words, but sometimes that's what's needed to get
through to some folks. It's the carrot and the stick - you seem
to be providing the carrot, and DB is providing the stick. Both
are equally valid methods of critiquing stories.

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