David Dee wrote:

It was hard to figure out where being accosted
in an alleyway by a pair of effeminate young
men dressed in what looked like school uniforms
gone bad went.

Hmm. Should be something more discriptive than 'gone bad'. I'm not having a
good visual on it.

"Hey, I've heard of you!" said Ritschan cheerily.
"You guys go around fighting all the magic girls...
Pretty Sammy...an' Chacha... an' Saint Tail...
an' Kamikaze Kaitou -"

Poor bastards.

"Fine." Malachite yanked a scroll out of his sleeves.
" 'To the imbecilic bumblers it is my misfortune to
call slaves'..."

"That's his pet nickname for us," interjected Zoisite.

Heh. They really have been broken, haven't they?

The young man who positioned himself
before Ritschan was clad in the robes
of a Buddhist monk, dyed black and
purple. In his hands was a well-crafted
staff, rings jingling on its head. He was
handsome, in a rather rakish, cavalier
way. "Stand back, vile curs! No flower
of womanhood will ever be harmed on
the watch of Miroku, THE DEVIL SLAYER!"

Molested by him, perhaps, but no harm in that. :)

Ritschan nodded, then walked away. She
didn't know what quite to think about
what had happened to her, but she
thought it could have gone worse.

It was some time later that she realized
her purse was missing.

Heh. I see he has adapted to the times quite well.

Zoisite glanced at Miroku, mildly amused,
while brushing himself off. (Miroku was
reasonably certain Zoisite was in fact, a
male.)

Hence no offers of fathering children and whatnot.

As he watched the vaguely distorted workers
 move their loads into the building a

building, a

The Emissaries of Evil were stressing this point.

"You know," said Rei, the group's field leader,
"Egghead doesn't like to be let down..."

I almost consider it odd that they actually let him remain dead. Although he
was pretty low. I mean, blowing off your niece's arm because she wouldn't
give you cash is downright bad.

Gou glanced at Rei, clearly offended.
"How come you always send them out
first?"

They're tougher.

Gai raised his hands, revealing gauntlets
with buzzsaws built into them. "I am the
Gladiator! Master warrior, and assassin!"

I still cry at the fact he had a two issue stand against Iron Man.

Shin threw off his cloak, and flexed
his muscles, revealing the greyish
bodysuit underneath it. "And I am-
Rhino! I have the strength and the
charging power-of a rhino!"

Well, actually the canon version of him was damn strong.

Gou stepped forward, and
started up his suit's power cells.
An eerie blue glow covered him.
"And I am Cobalt Man. The-
well, cobalt powered man..."

They did change him for the... odd.

"That's right!" shouted a female voice.
A young woman dressed in a cat costume

I'm currently rereading that series, by the way. All 4 issues of it. Sadly,
The Cat had some good artists, including Wally Wood and Jim Starlin.

"I've convinced your cobalt a couple of hundred
years had passed. I recommend a change of name-
Lead Man, the lead powered man..."

Heh. Neat.

"That might be because it took me three
minutes to beat both of them," said Hikaru.

Does't he mean, '3 seconds'?

with increased warmth. "And stop ordering
movies, if you're not going to pay for them!
I mean, how many showings of 'Night Nurses
IV: Hootersville Hospital' can one man watch?!"

Umm. All of them? :)

"Because, he's the thing nobody is looking
to use-the secret pathway..." said Daisuke.
Plus, he owed Nabiki too much money to
even consider approaching her directly.

Heh. Kind of sad, but I know people whose thought processes are along these
lines.

Hikaru laughed. "And I thought you loved
her with all your heart. You won't even consider
my terms..." Hikaru glanced at him evenly. "You
see, Daisuke, what I'm talking about is love.
Degradation and humiliation are the primary
ingredients. If you're not willing to drag yourself
through broken glass and nitric acid-twice-with
nothing more than her glorious memory to pull you
through-well, it isn't very sincere."

Daisuke: I'd do it for her, sure. Just not for you.

Hikaru: Oh, that's actually a good point.

Hikaru shrugged. "Well, I may not be able to tell
you two apart easily, but I do recall you and Hiroshi
were beat up by a group of eight year old girls..."

Daisuke began to shake apoplectically. "That is a
vile lie! They were twelve-year olds! And ninjas!"

Hikaru smiled a bit at that.

He won't be smiling when he and the rest of his Defending cohorts get their
butts kicked by a group of twelve year old ninjas. :)

"What you believe in Miroku," said Zoisite,
"is making a quick profit."

"Okay, I admit they weren't very big civilizations,
or particularly advanced ones but still-
CIVILIZATIONS MAN!"

comma between the last two words, I think

 complained Malachite

emotively.

drop 'emotively'. Not needed.

"It's not just the profit!" said Miroku. "I consider
you two good friends and invaluable sources of
information!"

information on what? How to lose to small animal sidekicks?

Zoisite shrugged. "All that I know about that
place is that I know very little about that place.
No sign of a boss-no idea what it does-no
mention of hiring anybody." A smile spread
over the handsome face. "Suspicious yet?"

Surprised he knows so much.

Hikaru was not in a very good mood. In fact he
was downright snippy. So, he had done what he
always did when depression weighed him down
so heavily he feared he wouldn't be able to move.

He'd skipped class to read peacefully on the roof.
In peace.

Did you mean to be redundent in with 'peace' there?

Kagome nodded. "Yeah, Inu-Yasha thought
he smelled you up here, so we climbed up
the walls..."

Hikaru glanced down past the railing. "This
is a five story building..."

Kagome: Which is why he climbed the walls.

Hikaru's eyebrows shot up in surprise.
"What?"

Kagome giggled nervously. "It's on account
of my leprosy."

Hikaru's eyebrows remained up. "Leprosy?"

Kagome looked at her feet. "My grandpa got
a bit carried away..."

I'll say.

Hikaru sat down dazed. One question was
being screamed in his mind-what had he
done to deserve this?

He went to India and trained in the mystic arts. Frankly, he has it coming.
:)

"So," began Hikaru, "The actual answer to my
question was 'No, you do not have lives'." Hikaru
took a deep breath. "Well, I do have a life.

No, he doesn't.

Hikaru gestured at Kagome. "This Kagome,

This is Kagome

Hikaru exhaled loudly. "It's one of those
traditional intra-family arranged engagements.
You know, pledged at birth, and so forth..."

A bit of skepticism appeared on the edges
of Nabiki's eyes. "Didn't know your family
went in for that sort of thing..."

But then, Nabiki found about her potential one recently as well.

very slowly. "How are you?"

"Fine," Kagome answered. She turned to
Hikaru. "This is Nabiki? I thought she'd be
some sort of giant..."

'ogre' would probably be better.

Nabiki smiled. "Well, I heard you had
some new friends Hikaru, and I wanted
to see them."

Since Yasha and Kagome just appeared and no one could have heard they were
there, which friends is Nabibii referring to?

Hikaru glanced at her. "Trust me,
Kagome, that is the last thing she
would ever think."

True

'DO YOU WANT ULTIMATE POWER?',

Nah. Where would I put it?

The waitress's eyes arched cynically.
"Two people can hallucinate the same
thing?"

A mass hallucination. Happens all the time.

"Honestly, Zoisite, you and your
persecution complex!" laughed Jadeite.
"Annhilus may not like us, but Queen
Beryl is still on our side."

"Don't you mean 'Lady Blastarr'?

I wonder who she had to marry to get that title. :)

"Believe me, honey," said Jadeite
haughtily, " the Emperor may issue
his proclamations, but Beryl's the one
with her hands on his Cosmic Control
Rod. If you get my meaning..."

Zoisite actually shuddered. "Don't
give me bad thoughts..."

Me either

"Yes," said the first cop, "and we're
wondering-could you handle-well,
two at once...?"

Heh

Daisuke groaned, then gave a quick nod. He
had to admit the place was well furnished, and
extremely fancy looking,

fancy-looking

Mara threw down the game in frustration.
"You lie! There is no such passage! I looked,
and I looked, and I looked, and I couldn't find it!"

Heh

At that moment, Senbei hit him on the
head with a mallet.

A big one, I would hope. Senbai doesn't look strong enough to knock out
much.

Toshiro shuddered slightly. "Well, I didn't
so much-play as I-performed odd tasks..."

Hikaru blinked. "Odd... tasks..."

"You know-cleaned the uniforms-got
drinks for the other players-that sort of
thing..."

They call them team managers (as opposed to the coach that actually trains
the team), in most sports manga. :)

"Oh, I'm sorry!" said Kagome, turning
around. She glanced over briefly. "Are
you sure you're eating enough? You
look really, really scrawny..."

Heh

"Then stop staring at Yurik
Schaedenfreude von Angst and
answer my question!" snarled Hikaru.

Heh, Nice name.

Meiko rolled here

her

Sayuri pushed it away. "Oh, I'm also stuffed.
Here you

Here, you

"I'm telling you, my appetite was ruined
by that monster attack," stated Yuka.
"Why I'm

Why, I'm

and mummified, his skin having the greyish
color of a preserved corpse. A pair of mechanical
hooks functioned for hands, while an eyepatch
covered his right eye.

Heh. I like the eyepatch.

"Sayuri!" said the first figure. "I claim you
now, I, Master Pandemonium, the most
amazing being in Nerima!"

Always hated that guy. One of the lamest villains ever.

Hiroshi slapped his forehead-an act
that was painful to watch as the metal
hook collided with shriveled flesh. "That's
right." He spread his arms and laughed
sinisterly. "I am the Ghost!"

Hard to believe he gave the Silver Surfer a hard time. Did nearly kill the
original Devil Slayer, though.

Inu-Yasha laughed. "You expect me
to believe that? I can't smell anything..."

I'm surprised. You think after being altered they would produce a unique
smell or something.

Nabiki glanced at Miroku quietly.

glanced and quietly don't really go together.

 "You

know, you're really cutting a bad figure
as a dashing hero."

Miroku rubbed his head. "I consider
these sub par conditions..."

"What-fighting an opponent?"

Heh

Nabiki looked up at the (possible) (no, damn it,
probable) Gosunkugi who was floating down
with a sort of spooky elegance. Nabiki shook
her head. Okay, maybe it wasn't Gosunkugi.
"By the might of the Vishanti, I-"

but a line break in for that bit of dialogue.

"How does nearly getting turned into a pair
of soot marks help me? How?" Hikaru paused.
"No, wait, don't answer that, I can think of a
ew ways it does..."

few

Yuka waved at Hikaru. "Hi, Baron Blood.
Remember me?"

Heh

Hikaru shook his head. There were times he
thought the world had gone mad.

And there were times he knew.

Heh.

"All right," said Hiroshi, signaling to the
small group that formed near the wall.
"Master Pandemonium and I talked this
 out-I get the two superheroes on the left,
he gets the two on the right." The pair of
supervillains began to walk forward.

Well, that makes sense.

As the three walked off, Kagome glanced
at Hikaru. "Do you have any idea what
happened there? Why'd she get a headache...?"

Hikaru glanced around uneasily. "I'll-check
on it..."

I'd wager a spekk side effect of some kind.

"As a TEAM? A TEAM?" Hikaru began to
wave his hands furiously. "There is NO
TEAM! We aren't even a group! The word
'team' does not apply to us! Do you hear me?
It is inapplicable! Unsuitable! Inappropriate! Inapt!
We are as far from 'team' as you can get! We are a
'non-team'!" Hikaru sobbed, and then took a deep
breath. "Have I made myself clear? Just leave me
alone, you annoying, obnoxious, stupid little girl
and take your damn dog with you!"

Now it's about to hit the fan.

Hikaru and Inu-Yasha struggled briefly
against Kagome's embrace, then gave up.

Kagome shifted. "Miroku-move your hand.
Right now."

Heh. I'd drop 'right' and make it just 'now,' though.

Hikaru slapped his hand to his forehead.
"So among your many superpowers is
awesome stupidity

Daisuke: Luckily, I have incinerating blasts of hellfire to more than
balance that out.

ground. "I suppose you could call it that,"
said Hikaru, rubbing his hands together,
"but the things I pray to are big on results."

Heh

"Okay, slight difficulty-I apparently can't use
my ether bolts. I think it's the arrow." Hiroshi
waved a hook casually. "I'll just dematerialize,
and then I'll kill you." Hiroshi shut his eyes,
and bit his lip.

Power negation. Suckes to be him.

"The universe might be a cruel, indifferent
place," said Hikaru, "but sometimes you get
to hit someone deserving with a blunt object,
and that makes everything all right."

Amen

"Don't worry, Miroku," said Kagome.
"We won't let you stay on the streets."

I smell a set up.

-----

"And this is the guest room, where you'll
be staying," said Hikaru calmly.

Yep

"Miss Satana," replied Miroku cheerfully.

He moves fast

Daisuke thought that over. "Oddly
enough, yes..."

"Hmm," noted Hiroshi munching on
a handful of nachos. "Must be the chips."

Probably

JINNAI: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Yes, next
time, the forces of evil triumph in "The Evil
Alive"! Don't miss it! If you do-I'll torture
you hideously! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

MIROKU: Umm, Hikaru, I thought I was
going to do the end chapter preview...

HIKARU: Look, Miroku, in my mind you
were damn lucky to get mentioned in the title...

Nice prom. Nice to see them trying to work as a team now and that Hikaru
will attempt to be less sarcastic toward them. It'll be interesting to see
what Miroku can had to the team as well. Very good work overall.

DB Sommer

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