I pretty much agree with most of the c&c's on this so
far, except I think using "exclaimed" is perfectly
fine. You just have to be careful you don't get into
any tom swifties like, "I am making a statement,"Tom
stated. As long as it doesn't interrupt the flow it's
fine. As a general rule of thumb though, yeah just
stick with "said."

I would add to the other comments that your battle
scenes are extremely vague. You have undescribed
soldiers fighting...something, but now real concrete
images of, say a young halberd bearer steadfastedly
holding his own against a monstser that looked like a
giant green posterior with far too many tentecles when
suddenly one of the tentecles wraps around his his
bamboo armor and another around the boy's neck until
with a wet popping sound the head comes off.

I don't know what kind of soldiers are fighting, or
WHAT they're fighting. Nor do I see how exactly Rogi
is going to destroy the world. It almost seems like
all he really wants to do is stay in his cave and
order his minions around but this silly Amataresu
person and her friends are screwing it all up. 

It's nice in a way that you put the reader right into
the action from the start like you do, but just like
with the Gladius fic, you really need to put in some
more backstory.

Some typos I caught:

"Look around you, Goddess. Your army lies in ruins. 

Not exactly incorrect, but I think you want "ruin"
instead of "ruins" because "ruins" suggests that they
go to ruins and lie down or something.

"I will return! My generals will return at my return!

You have way too many "return"s here. Try this: "I
will return! And when I do, my generals will be with
me!"

You aren't winning this war-- merely starting it

over. >But what will they do without their Goddess to
lead >them?"

"they" is a little vague. Consider "your people"

Anyway that was fun. Gods are cool. This could be cool
too but it needs more meat on its bones. Hope I
helped.

,eulb gnihtemos yb desirprus yltnasaelp eb uoy yaM
-W.B.R.

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