And with that, Fei Liang, and the injured boy, turned away, and started to
leave the valley. The valley remained hidden from the clouded eyes of man
for many years to come.

OK, but man's eyes aren't clouded if it is the valley that shrouds itself.

Spelling: A-
Grammar: A

I haven't read v1, so I really don't know where this is going, whether there
is going to be a Ranma fic, or a fic that's just in the Ranma universe (if
you catch my drift).  Failing that, I would need to read more.  In the
meantime, this is an adequate beginning.  Not necessarily good because it's
such a cookie cutter battle scene taken from so many action-related anime
(you know, too much talking and grandstanding, overcompensated by unnatural
spikes of activity coupled with curious amounts of earth-shattering power
that no one being should be allowed to wield), but adequate.  To be fair,
action is difficult to write, but in the end this is nothing new.

Anyways, there's a million directions you can take this story - obviously,
since this is a rewrite, you already picked one - so keep at it.
---
Roehl Sybing
The musings of an ordinary boy, turned into reality: infiniteDeferral -
http://www.infinitedeferral.com/
For every endeavor of the human spirit: NewsNetLink -
http://www.infinitedeferral.com/newsnetlink/

"If you got no one, and I got no place to go,
 Would it be alright?  Could it be alright?"
 - Green Day, Scattered


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