Sibylle R. Tendo wrote:

Preword:
I'm new to the FFML but posted the Original Version a year ago on FF.net,
rewrote it two months ago.
If you wonder what SMB means, you'll find out.

START OF FIC

An Ordinary Day in Nerima in the Tendo Dojo.

Mr. Tendo plays Shogi with a fat Panda.

shogi

A man-shaped Hole with a Pigtail is in the ceiling.

hole, w

A malletwielding Daughter is standing under it.

mallet-wielding

The Houskeeper says Oh My.

housekeeper says, "Oh my."

The Mercenary is calculating the Costs.

The mercenary is calculating the costs

And a little black Piglet swears revenge.

piglet

In English, you capitalise when:

   1:  The word is at the start of a new sentence.
   2:  The word is a person or place's name 
or nickname.  For example if Kasumi speaks to
her father, she says "Father," because she is
using his relationship to her as a nickname,
but if she were to speak about "my father"
it is not being using as a name and she wouldn't.  
   3:  The word is the name of a language, 
like...say...German?

Also your freedom to stick words together to make
new words is very limited in English.  Usually
you have to use a hyphen to splice them together
as, for example in the case of mallet-wielding.  
   

Thus, an ordinary Day in Nerima in the Tendo Dojo.

day

Note that Nerima and the Tendo Dojo are both capitalised
because they are place names.  

{Ranma 1/2 belongs to Takahashi Rumiko and her licensies}

But then there's a knock on the Door.

door

"I'll get it!" calls Kasumi, the Houskeeper, and walks to the front door.

housekeeper

No hyphen needed in this case because English is a profoundly irrational
language.  

There she opens the door and greets the Guest.

"Hello! Welcome to the Tendo Dojo."

Kasumi's actions should all be one paragraph.  

The Guest is a female dressed in a pink dress, long white cloves, long

gloves.  Although for a moment I was imagining her with cloven hooves,
which would have been fun.  

blonde Hair and a little crown on her cute Head, in simple words: a

hair head

beatifull Girl.

simply put, a beautiful girl.  

Incidentally, she sounds more pretty than beautiful.

"I'm Tendo Kasumi."

The person at the door should introduce herself first.  
That's just good mannders.  

"Pleased to meet you, Toadstool's the Name. Is Saotome-san here?" the Guest
asks.

"Oh My! Yes.. please come in." Answers Kasumi, and they both go in the
House, in the Livingroom.

please come in," answers Kasumi and leads her into the house.

house livingroom

{Princess of the Kingdom?}

Akane went to the dojo, to work off some stress.

Nabiki is still calculating and the two old Idiots..erm Elders are playing
Shogi.

idiots elders shogi

"Saotome-san? Here is someone who came to visit you." ask Kasumi, while she
enters with Ms. Toadstool.

[Who might that be?] asks the Pandas sign and the Panda turns around, only
to see the blonde.

panda's panda

Five milliseconds later, two Backpacks are packed and the Panda is missing.

I doubt he'd bother to pack Ranma's pack.  

"Oh.. would you like a cup of Tea, until Saotome-san returns?" ask Kasumi.

tea asks

"Thank you." says Toadstool-san and sits opposite of Kasumi down at the
table.

opposite Kasumi

Nabiki, who also sits at the Table asks a real important question: "Are you
another Fianc�e of Ranma?"

table, asks the important question, "Are you another of Ranma's fiancees?"

(There's nothing wrong with your accent on "fiancee", I just can't do that
with my keyboard.)

"If you mean Saotome Ranma, then yes. His Mother and my Mother decided this
before we were born."

Our mothers decided 

Ms. Toadstool din't even finish the hole sentence, the Waterworks of the

didn't whole waterworks

Tendo Household, the Tendo Patriarch or just Soun start: "But! Ranma is
promiced to Akane!"

promised

"Daddy! Please be quiet!" orders one of his daughters.

Which one?  

he shuts his mouth imediatly and Ms. Toadstool continues to explain: "But

immediately

goes on to explain, "But

when eleven Years ago, my Mother and I wanted to visit my Beloved.

years mother beloved

"Betrothed" might be more accurate, but Toadstool might be crazy
enough to decide someone she never met was her beloved.  

Saotome-san told us, that her Husband and her Son are gone, on a
Trainingtrip."

husband son training trip

"Oh My!" says Kasumi, while Ms. Toadstool continues with her explanation.
"My Mother and I searched the hole Globe after them, and last week, I heard
he is staying in Nerima."

whole globe

"Have you gone to Jusenkyo too?" asks Nabiki

Ms. Toadstool face darkens: "Please! do not mention that travesty of my
life!"

Do not mention that tragedy of my life!"

Just as Nabiki wants to open her Mouth, some one else is faster: "Ranma!
Come back here!", "No thanks! You Uncute Tomboy!"

uncute tomboy

(If Ranma had not said "You" then it would have been "Uncute Tomboy",
but because he did, it isn't being used as a name.)

Ranma and Akane, the ever bickering Fianc�es are back.

fiancees

The two run trough the Living Room up the Stairs, and some seconds later
again back down.

"Ranma? Is that you?" Both halt at the Guest's Call.

guest's call

Ranma stops in his tracks: "Yes, and who are you?"
Akane stops too: "Probarbly some new Fianc�e of your's! You Womanizer!"

Probably womanizer

"Pop! What did you sell me this time for??" shouts the 'womanizer', and just
in this moment, a Panda comes back in, with it two Backpacks, takes the
pigtailed Youth and hops out the nearest Window: [Shut Up! And come with

up

me!] does it sign.

But Ranma reacts und beats his father within an inch of his life while
shouting Names.

insults

Kasumi just thinks that this is no beheavor in front of a guest, while Akane

behavior

sits herself at the table asks angry: "Who are you!"

angrily

"I'm Toadstool Peach. And who are you?" the guest answers politely.

"I'm Tendo Akane. Heir of the Tendo Anything Goes Martial Arts School. And
what are you doing here?" she snaps back.

Peach simply says: "I'm here for my Fianc� Saotome Ranma."

fiance

"POP! What did you me sell for this time?" shouts a annoyed Ranma.

an annoyed

"Ranma! Aren't three Fianc�es not enough?" shouts Akane back.

"Stop please..." says Peach.

Akane and Ranma stop in ther Tasks to hit ther specific targets.

stop just before hitting their respective targets

"It's allways his fault!" say they. Each refering to their victim

they say

(Akane->Ranma, Ranma->Genma)

"No..." beginns Nabiki.

begins

"Huh?" ask both of them.

both of them ask.

"Ranma's Mother aranged this one." Nabiki explains.

arranged

"Mother? I have a Mother?" asks Ranma.

the second "Mother" should be "mother".  

"Baka! Everyone has a Mother!" states Akane.

mother

"Pop??!!" Ranma turns to his father.

[I'm just a cute little Panda]

{Yep, Toadstool isn't mine either}

I recommend not using the first sign.  This is one of
those times that Genma would feel that he doesn't have
to play dumb because this one really isn't his fault.  
Also delete "either".  

A little while later.

Ranma sits at his spot, beside him is Akane, on the other side are Nabiki,
Kasumi, Peach on the head by Ranma, and Soun on the other side.

"So.. you're my Fianc�e, promised since my birth. And you say that only our
engagment is value."

valid

"Nonsense! Ranma is promised to marrie one of my daughters."

marry

"DAD!" shouts Nabiki "Please listen!"

"Yes, it was made before the one with Tendo-san." agrees Peach.

Tendo-san,"

"Peach, you mentioned that you went to Jusenkyo?" asks Nabiki.

Ranma gives her his full attention.

"Yes, I was there, with my Mother."

"Did you fell in one of the Springs?" is asked.

"Unfortunatly yes. I fell in the Spring of drowned..."

she is interruptet by a battlecry.

interrupted

"Ranma-sama! I free you from this voilent Harlot!"

violent harlot

"Take your hands of my Ran-chan!"

off

"Airen! Shampoo don't share Airen!"

Ranma stands up, and Akane to.

"I hope you can fight. don't you?" say Nabiki

"Sure.. why?"

"You'll need it."

{Autor's Note: I think this Fic isn't so bad, but my English is. Please
R&R.}

It could be the start of a good fic.



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