From: "The Eternal Lost Lurker" <lurkerdrome@sbcglobal.net>

Hmm.


My single biggest problem with this is the repeated use of a sledgehammer

to

drive home the point that Ranma is being ogled left and right by men and

is

sick of it. It's not necessary to bludgeon the reader to death with your
premise.

I disagree, on almost every point.  Of course, that could be because I'm a
woman who flunked out of high school co-ed swim class because I couldn't
bear dressing in a swimsuit after several guys made crude comments about my
breasts and groped me in the pool --  and then the girls told me I should be
flattered rather than upset about it.  This is me, virtually flipping off
both those guys and those girls.  >_<  Over a decade later, and I still have
problems wearing a swimsuit in front of strangers, and baggy t-shirts and
sweaters are my chothes of choice.

You may think Ranma's behavior is over the top, but to me, when I read it, I
was amazed at how Richard could jump the gender gap and actually get into
the head of a female who has been given more than enough reason to be
paranoid about what the guys are thinking, and what they might do to act on
those thoughts.

And yes, reading about it might be like "trying to wash down a plate of
sauerkraut and liver marinated in lemon juice with a bottle of vinegar," but
guess what?  That's pretty much what it's like living it.

The only problem *I* had with the story was that I felt that Ranma hooking
up with her student at the end was waaay too out of the blue.  The only
reason I accepted it at all was because I remember reading "Thy Outward
Part" years ago, and I finally made the connection that the narrator of TOP
and this student were the same person, and that this was the same story told
from Ranma's POV.

But one big problem -- I don't know the guy's name.  I can't remember it
from TOP because it's been so long since I read it, and his name is never
mentioned in *this* story.  If I had never read TOP, I would be even more
confused.  All other aspects of Ranma adjusting to her new, if unwelcome
existance progressed in a logical manner  -- except for this.   Ranma hardly
ever thinks about this guy, and he only shows up in the story twice -- once
when he watches her work out and asks to become her student, and then when
she shows up at the track in a dress and kisses him.  Umm....  I remember
this working form his (whatever his name is) point of view, but from Ranma's
point of view, there's a whole thought process about this guy that's missing
from the story.

It's natural that she would avoid thinking about him if the thought of
persuing a relationship with him terrifies her... but she avoids thinking of
him so completely that, not only does the reader not know his name
(especially if they haven't read TOP), but when she decides to give the
relationship a try at the end, it comes as a shock to the reader.  At least,
it came as a shock to me.  I never got to know the guy in this fic, and I
never came to understand why Ranma finally decided this guy was not only a
trusted friend, but possibly something more.

Hope that made sense.  I'm typing this on my break at work.  Anyway, that's
my take on it.  Aside from the big "Huh-Wha?" moment at the end, I found it
a thoroughly enjoyable read.

And Richard, I'm absolutely thrilled that you're putting up your website
stories again.  I've missed your stories.  ^_^

-Krista



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