----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Mark Shurtleff" <gaijin@sfcmd.com>
To: "Sebastian Palm" <sebastian.palm@myrealbox.com>
Cc: <ffml@anifics.com>
Sent: Wednesday, November 12, 2003 1:33 PM
Subject: [FFML] Re: [Fanfic][Ranma/SM] Relatively Absent: Chapter 5
(part 1 of 2) ...

Vast snippages of material that everyone has now read more than once

....

At 03:21 PM 11/12/2003 +0100, Sebastian Palm wrote:
[snip]

And mine are: You (Thermopyle) should go reread the whole thing,

before

spewing up such a massive amount of invective. It's unbecoming.

It's not the first time he's done this in my direction, which is how

he

ended up in my killfile a long time ago. I get his comments second

hand

like this when someone like you makes intelligent responses about

the

story's internal logic.

Hah.  A simple comparison of the plot devices between RA and AML was
what did it, actually.  ^_^;

[snip]

Hell, Eiko probably could have been able to make big letters

appear in

the surface of the Gates, or something.  Regardless, Eiko has no

right

to bitch about Pluto not doing what Eiko wanted her to do if

Eiko just

sat around and did nothing for so long.  At the very least, Eiko

could

have searched for a new guardian any time after her old guardian

died.

Pluto turned Eiko's I/O off - Eiko says so when it talks to Ranma

in chapter

one. Only Pluto being "dead" allowed Eiko to circumvent the

lockout -

referred to as "emergency command override" in the next half of the

chapter.

Pin pon!

The problem of the differences in Eiko and Pluto's perception is a big
one.  Eiko clearly indicates that Pluto used to talk to her, which
implies knowledge of sentience.  Unless Pluto has forgotten in the
past thousand years that she used to talk to the Gates, then Pluto's
POV at the end of chapter five makes no sense.

[snip]

Um.  You didn't get the point.  They could have been in school.

They

could have been outside.  They could have been on the moon

eating

green eggs and ham.  There's no way for the reader to know where

they

are, what they're doing, or who all is there.  It's the

fictional

equivalent of putting the reader in a dark room and then having
speakers' faces light up as they announce their presence by

talking.

It's very bad writing.

Considering how much you were harping about unnecessary filler - do

we

really need to know anything else than that Ami got questioned on

her

findings, and didn't have any (or whatever)?

Now, this complaint is just silly.

1) It's Friday (remember the timestamps?).
2) It's a school day (both by the calendar and by the numerous

mentions of

"Finals").
3) Usagi, Ami, and Makoto are eating lunch (they all go to the same

school).

4) Rei and Minako aren't present (they go to different schools,

remember?).

5) The scene is labelled with a "Juuban" location tag.

Just how difficult IS it to figure out that the three girls in that

scene

are at school during lunch break?

Obviously since it is a Friday, they must be at school.  After all,
they spend all day at school, right?  And obviously if they're talking
to each other, they must be physically close, rather than on the
phone, because everybody talks face-to-face, right?  Of course, bentos
don't exist outside of Japanese school lunches, so if you say 'bento'
that MUST mean that they're eating lunch at school, right?

Sorry,  I guess I just didn't think that through.

[snip]

They're ninja girls, not martial arts girls.  They should go bug
Konatsu for lessons, wherever he is.  Anyway, the problem isn't

so

much that as that it adds nothing to the story to have Ranma

teaching

them.  It's just an extremly overused, and in this case quite
gratiutous bit of nonsense.

The problem here is the definition of ninja - I've yet to read a

story in

which ninja are portrayed historically. Ninja weren't combat

masters - they

were a combination of actor, parlor magician, and chemist. If the

enemy is

blinded by smoke or a flash of light, they won't be able to defend

against

even a novice with an appropriate weapon. Ukyo and Konatsu are

close to

being ninja, but not quite there.

It should be obvious from the story by now that the Yamada Ninjutsu

Ryuu is

primarily ninjutsu but with a definite amount of traditional martial

arts

training included. Midori would be classified as a martial artist

first

(primarily kenjutsu) and a kuniochi in the traditional manner

second. Given

that, having the other three girls gang up on Midori in the dojo

scene's

free-for-all makes perfect sense ... as do the results. Notice how
Harukichi acts when the field was reduced to her and Midori.

I'm not sure why my comment was included here.  The bit about Ranma
teaching was so obviously ignored...


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