On Fri, 31 Oct 2003, Troy Thomas wrote:


 formatting...

It's beyond awful, to be honest. It's a bit difficult
to comment with such line wrapping.

line wrapping...?

 I thought I had pretty much held it at 72?

-> Harry would never understand how spells could go as
wrong as they often did.

Then I suppose they aren't taught Murphy's Law at
Hogwarts?

Nope
Although they cover the "Butter side down rule" in Cambridge when Mildred
from Worst Witch goes there....
 no, really.

made from rare plants from a distant land.

And, what do you meaning by 'itching eyes'?

probaly more dust from the books then...

Two spaces between 'current' and 'accident'

akkk.

They're Witches," Amon said, not taking
Does Witches need to be capitalized?

You know, I'm honestly not sure.....

 Since they are more of a classification rather than a title

 platapi vrs "the High Platipus"

again.
 The sooner we do so..."

"Well," Hermione said, awkwardly, and

The sooner we do so...."
I was taught recently that if elipses terminate a
sentence, then four periods are needed.

 that I didn't know.

The story was convincing up to this point. Even when
faced with the Death Eaters, Harry and Hermione didn't
resort to any of the Unforgivable curses.

Only when Harry was absolutely angry, did he try to
use one - and it was the Cruciatus Curse. And he
_failed_ at it.

Well it didn't do them much use against the Orbo anyway :)
Although yes, I take your meaning.
I'll probably keep it anyway.

Not English, not Japanes, and it

Um, wouldn't the book be in English?

Wacky runes....
 possibly olde english?
 Don't they teach languages anymore?

 Heck, you never see any of the Potter folk even taking algebra.
 Spelling lessons at Hogwarts are just that.. for spells.
 and what the heck do they do for education before they get into the
stupid school?
 Homeschool?
 Potter being a different case had a backstory, the rest of them simply
lived in plot holes.

 Not naty dark worm-filled plot holes but sturdy comfortable plot holes
lines with cheery red brick.

 Heck they heach *normal* things at Cackles Academy and people know how to
play CD players.

 sorry, I rant.
  :)

 He held the book for her inspection and she shook
her head at the
 unfamiliar symbols.

So, this was a spamfic?

well not really. Although it was sort of a "little spamfic that grew"

You want the reader to laugh at the end. Not wonder
about what happens next. And wonder why certain events
didn't happen.

you're just lucky I completely ignored the suggestions to have Robin
snitch the fallen Mr. Potters glasses and have them work better than her
own.

And....

I'm ranting, aren't I? ^_^;

What is needed, is certain ideas cut out.

Cut out the backstory of Ron being bitten by some rare
monster. This would in turn, bring the level of
darkness in the fic down. And change the story from
one that ends too soon into one that has little value.

It would also reduce the length of the fic. A long
drawn out joke is just that. It needs to be short and
sweet.

Sure, it would destroy the reason for Harry and
Hermione being in Japan, but if it's a gag, then
little reason is needed.

A spell goes wrong, and poof! They're somehow in
Japan, lost and confused.

Then the Witch Hunters happen upon them, and
_everything_ goes down the drain.

(Funny that Hermione would never have heard of the
Witch Hunters though, and how she wouldn't know about
Orbo and....)

.....

I need to stop. ^_^;

not to mention why the the Church wasn't onto Hogwarts like a rain of
fire.

 Tame church mages blasting the place, rounding up the families, the
"Ministry of Magic" falling to a combined Magestic 12, MI 8 assault squad
all armed with "magic bullets."

 Potter's world and that of Robin are just a tad distant from each other
but what the heck.

 Thanks for reading. It's been a while since I put anything together.

 Neil





     __________________________________________________________________
                             _____________
            Seraphim, the Restless Angel with a (borrowed) sword.
                               ________

         Nene, Ami,
       Girls with glasses. girls with computers. Pink hair. blue hair
                       _______________________
                 Robyn, Duke of Amber. Agent of Chaos.
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