Suggested changes: {before : after}
Feel free to snip any suggestions you aren't commenting on directly.
On Sun, 31 Aug 2003 19:34:14 -0400 "PsyckoSama (Sam Phoenix)" <syp104@email.psu.edu> wrote:
Hotaru and Setsuna were having lunch by the time Michiru and Haruka
finally emerged from the bedroom, smiling like cats that got themselves
locked in an aviary. Slowly, they began waddling down the steps,
carrying the desiccated husk that was once known as Saotome Ranma. The
young martial artist looked as if he'd gone 20 rounds with Hinako
Ninomiya and had {lose : lost} ever damn one of them.
Ranma had spent the last four hours locked in a room with his two newly
bisexual wives, their seemingly endless supply of hot and cold water,
and their endless lusts. When one had been sated the other demanded
attention. When he was {fried : tired} out, they'd just splash him with water and
fuck the brains out of his other form. When his girl form had been
sufficiently ravished, they splash him again and demand more 'beef'. It
had been wild and crazy enough to overwhelm even the most tenacious of
teenage superhuman ass kickers, leaving Ranma tired, hungry, soar, and
unable to walk under his own power.
If two wore him out this morning, how did he survive all four last night?
"So," Haruka asked as she helped Hotaru set Ranma down in one of the
{chars : chairs}. "When's breakfast?"
Michiru sighed falling into a seat. "{That god : That's good}. If I had to stand up to
cook I would {have died : die}."
"Soup's on," stated Setsuna as she stood up {left the room :} to retrieve
their delivery.
Shampoo was {too : very} worried about her airen, but great-grandmother had her
{doing : making} deliveries when she should in all rights be looking for Ranma!
Shampoo shot up straight, and putting on her biggest smile and in her
most bubbly voice, she said. "You order five beef {ramin : ramen} from
Nekohanten, no?"
Shampoo smiled. "What you get. how bout {ramin : ramen} is on house!"
Setsuna sighed. "He's a full two meters tall, with silky black hair,
and muscles like a Greek {God : god}!"
"So, the {ramin : ramen} is on the house?" asked Setsuna.
"No," exclaimed Shampoo. "You no tell me about Ranma!"
"But I did," stated Setsuna, "Just not your Ranma."
Has she been watching Nabiki?
Shampoo nodded and all but thrust the order into Setsuna's arms.
"{Ramin : Ramen} is on house!"
One the door was shut, Shampoo gazed back in the direction of Nerima.
So, Crazy Flower-Girl had Ranma! She act all worried but she steal
{shampoo's : Shampoo's} airen! She was obstacle and obstacles are for killing!
Tricky of Setsuna.
"What an idiot!" she laughed. Still chuckling about conning the
Amazonian airhead she strode into the kitchen and deposited the bowls of
{soup : ramen} in front of her family members.
As soon as the {soup : ramen} was placed in front of him, and the hand removed,
Ranma jump into action, eating at speed not achievable by most mortal
men. Mortal women was another story, as Usagi could pace him any day of
the week.
Hotaru smiled and snuggled up next to him, {brining : bringing} slight pings of
jealousy to Setsuna's heart. "Feeling better now?" she asked.
Setsuna involuntarily shuddered. More then once in the last 300 years
she'd come across the disgusting little troll. While she knew that
Haruka was quite the little pervert, obvious from the way she let high
school girls think she was a man, and the occasional offer for a
threesome, but a comparison to Happousai? "Ranma, {not :} that's just low."
Setsuna guessed it was more of those strange phantom memories. It was
how she was able to play Shampoo so {easly : easily}.
"It's a place I choose out of the phonebook!" stated Hotaru, "Had a
{Kawaii : cute} name."
"Sit DOWN Ranma!" exclaimed Setsuna as she grabbed his pigtail and
pulled him back down into the seat. "{I : I've} already dealt with Shampoo!"
"Oh, I pointed her in the direction of that Kodachi girl. {got : Got} the food
for free too."
Hotaru grinned naughtily at the mention of the pictures. Setsuna could
not blame her. If those pictures were any {guess : indication}, Hotaru-chan was VERY
flexible...
"I have to agree with Ranma," Michiru stated, "It is painful to say
this, but these feelings are {artificial : artifical}."
Haruka shrugged. "I say let sleeping dogs {lye : lie}," She grinned and leered
at her husband. "I'm perfectly happy the way things are now..."
Setsuna's eyes narrowed. "We {mush : must} be very careful, lest we receive a
curse."
Hotaru rolled her eyes of the antics of her husband and her {psudo :
pseudo}-parents/sister-wives, then looked back to the old woman. In the
same cheery tone, she asked, "Would it be alright if the others came in
too?"
"Old Gypsy secret..." Sophia deadpanned.
You used 'deadpanned' several times. Once or twice would be plenty.
Sophia sat down at a table in front of a huge rack {off : of} potions. "Now,
what would you like?" she said, her {affect : aspect} making a total 180 as she
began {pimping her wears : pushing her wares}. "I can read your fortune, the tarot, love
potions, {curse : curses}. You name your magical request and changes are Madam
Sophia can provide... for a price."
The old gypsy woman's eyebrow {peeked : peaked}. "Really?"
Sophia grinned darkly. "Would Miss Loud-Mouth-Japanese-Girl like an old
Gypsy curse? Try your hand at being a klutz? Maybe make it so you'll
never experience sexual {please : pleasure} ever again? Madam Sophia knows a cure
for every occasion. you want a demonstration?"
"Sorry, cannot tell you anything. Crazy fool paid me {to give my that : so} I
would not {the'' : give} the 'Evil Sorcerer Saotome' the secrets to the potion."
"Not you. If you {where and : were an} evil sorcerer you would not have so many
curses."
"It's a simple task," Sophia grinned. "He only {haves : has} to defeat my
NINJAS!"
The old woman snapped her fingers and the entire room exploded into
motion. Hidden panels {side : slid} to the side, baskets and boxes popped open,
{ninja : ninjas} even stepped from behind brooms and hat racks.