Sorry it took me so long to reply to this, but I
almost never look at my FFML account any more... I'm
just too busy most of the time. Stupid Real Life, why
do you have to interfere with the importance that is
the Internet?

--- DB Sommer <sommer@3rdm.net> wrote:

Let's give an original a try.

You know, every time I see that you've looked at
something of mine, I feel both complimented and...
afraid. 

Seeing that you took note of my original story (most
of which simply drop off the FFML unremarked)
magnifies that about tenfold. 

Ryu fell to the ground a final time, and Chun Li

jumped up

and down, exulting in her inevitable victory.

Heh

So far, first joke scored. ^_^; 

Ashley knew very well that he wasn't the sharpest

knife on

the magnetized rack. Years of training had honed

his reflexes to

react long, long before any actual synapses fired,

and he was far

more comfortable thinking with his fists than his

mind anyway. Now,

though, his brain caught up with his body rather

abruptly and Ashley

groaned in annoyance, spoiling the fight-opening

pose that he'd

practiced so often in front of mirrors

innumerable.

"Look, buddy, I ain't got time for this."

Let's see how good he really is.

Awh, c'mon, it's only TWO PAGES into the first story;
you expect me to have a fight THIS quickly? This is
comedy, not martial arts action.
 

The wheels hit a crack and the board caught,

sending the

Bull into a backflip that carried him almost to

the edge of the

stairs Ashley had just descended. The martial

artist winced just

before the Bull of Tenochtitlan landed.

A sharp snap echoed through the night.

"Ohh... it hurts... owie...."

Yes, it would.

See? Told ya it was comedy.

The martial arts action isn't till midway through the
next chapter; so sorry. 

The suddenly cowardly and timid martial artist

flinched as

every waitress in the place pierced him with

gimlet gazes. The

music scratched momentarily then halted entirely,

and dead silence

filled the cafe.

He is in for it now.

...You think I should've been more subtle?


achel interrupted. "Then, two weeks ago, that man

came to

my house and knocked me out as some kind of bait

in a trap for you!

He apologized nicely about doing it after you

rescued me, but-"

Heh.

:-D

She looked down at her lap, and then looked up

again, a

solemn expression on her face. "I... I can't be

your fiance any

more."

Oh, it was serious.

Well, halfway serious at least. I just can't seem to
write straight comedy any more.....

Well, at least in anything longer than 10 kb. Why do
you think it's been over a year since my Slayers/Ranma
crossover got a chapter?

Rachel pulled the ring off of her finger and

tossed it at

him, and Ashley didn't, _couldn't_, react as it

bounced off his

chest and landed in his lap. Then she put her face

in both of her

hands. "That's what I wanted to talk to you

tonight about. I've

already discussed it with your parents and mine,

and..."

See, the guy always is the last to know. :)

Way of the world, my lad, way of the world.

...Actually, I don't remember writing that sentence,
and I don't think I would keep it in if I had my
druthers. Time to edit again!

Then, a woman spoke into the silence. "I told you

that it

wouldn't work, Devan, but would you ever listen to

me? Nooooo, of

course not." The woman's voice was husky and

manlike, sounding like

butterscotch

I have no idea what butterscotch would sound like.
:)

Umm... it's a mettyfor, dude. You know what it TASTES
like, nice and smooth and sweet, with a slightly
bitter tang...

Umm.... if you want an equivalent to what I was
thinking of when I wrote that... darn. I can't come up
with anything short of anime. Nuriko's seiyuu in
Fushigi Yuugi. There ya go. 

Ruben let out a small sigh. "Good. Aside from an

under-

standable amount of despair, his sanity is still

intact from his

exposure to the horrors of the true reality of

space and time." She

allowed herself a small smile. "As intact as

anyone's ever is,

anyway..."

True

I know that MY sanity came in eight large fragments
straight from the factory. Maybe I should've payed for
better than third-class mail, but it was FIVE WHOLE
BUCKS for second class! Good LAWD thassa lotta money!

"A few UNEXPECTED extra fea- er, MINOR design

flaws!" Ruben

towered over Wiley, rage burning in her eyes. "As

I recall, your

machine was supposed to send the guinea pig _one

day_ into the

future, not _drag_ some helpless soul from spirits

know where in

time  and space!"

Sounds like a minor glitch to me

Naw, a bug that WILL be fixed by the time the final
product is shipped! The sales rep says so, and I
believe him!

  Ashley rose to consciousness slowly, almost

unwillingly.

_I'm so comfortable. Wow, I guess it WAS all a

dream. But..._ He

fidgeted as something cold and metal poked into

his back. _Why is

there a 3/8 socket wrench in my bed?_

The sign of a true gearhead. ^_^

Or the sign of someone who's LIVED with a gearhead.
That was my original notion when I wrote that joke, I
see that I never expanded on that. >,< Too many good
ideas fall by the wayside. 

The scientist strode over to a console covered in

blinking

lights. He contemplated the two levers protruding

from it for a

moment, then shrugged and placed his hand on one.

"If that one

brought you here, then..."

Heh. Not words you want to hear.

Well, unless you're a hack writer seeking a fairly
contrived, stereotypical way to strand a time traveler
out of his own time...

Ruben lowered her hand slowly, gasping with the

effort of

finally knocking out the surprisingly

strong-willed martial artist.

"Well, that wasn't supposed to happen." _Am I

losing my touch? Or

is he THAT strong? He went berserk when I cast the

Pacify, as if

suppressing his consciousness only brought out

something stronger

in him..._ She shook her head doubtfully. _I hope

that using so much

power doesn't affect my transformation back._

Hmm. Back into what, I wonder

foreshadowing

Wiley tried to glare up at her, but he couldn't

quite summon

up

can drop the 'up'

which up?

Oh, THAT up. I see.

* * * *


The mysterious shadow watched...

The mysterious shadow waited...

The mysterious shadow...

Gnawed on a ham sandwich, chewing messily, his

eyes trained

on the entrance of the Extreme Science building.

He finished the last bite and almost choked on it

as the

Prophecy was Fulfilled.

Heh. It must have happened unexpectedly.

Well, let's just say that he wasn't expecting it,
which would make it unexpected, which would mean that
it happened unexpectedly, which means that this
paragraph has no reason for existing other than
wasting that much more of your lifespan.

attention between the novel in her hands and her

patient on the

lower bunk. _After the dose of sedative magic he

took, he should

be out for a few hours at least._ She smiled

slyly. _But if what I

think is true..._

Ashley stirred and snorted, so Ruben marked her

place and

sat up. "Are you awake again?"

"Where IS he!"

he?!"

Okay, I can rewrite that. Thanks for bringing the
unclarity of that to my short attention span.

Ruben sighed. "He's trying to make a new time

machine so

we can send you back to your own time."

Ashley sat up, and the sudden motion made him

clutch his

head. "That's great," he groaned without much

enthusiasm.

"...He says it'll take a few months."

But since it's a time machine, it really doesn't
matter how long it takes
since they can decide to put you back whenever you
want.

In THEORY. 

...but would it be THAT much of a displacement story
if I let it be resolved so quickly? 

When she closed the door behind her, Ashley

breathed a sigh

of relief. Then, she leaned out of the door again

and he jumped.

The woman laughed slightly as she reached out to

put a sign on the

door that read, "Females Only! NO PEEPING,

PERVS!!" Smaller writing

underneath that said, "Yes, this means you Kokeru

M." She winked at

him again and swung the door shut.

Oops

Kokeru's an injoke

"Mistress..."

Drum Major Pip turned to her boon companion,

French Horn

One. Oh, she knew that his real name was, uh, er,

hmm... Olaf

Beefcake, but she found that it helped her focus

to only think of

her minions as the objects that they were.

heh

Ah, the Drum Major. Everyone's favorite character. 

Including me!

Drum Major Pip looked French Horn One up and down.

He was

dressed out in the standard marching band uniform,

just like she;

purple half-cape, shiny silver uniform, freshly

shined boots, and a

two-foot hat with a purple, bobbing plume nodding

cheerfully back

and forth on the top. "What's wrong with the

uniform?"

Seems all right to me.

Ah, but as an inspiration of terror it leaves
something to be desired.

The Drum Major cackled briefly. "AheheeHEehehee!"

Then, she

calmed herself, and said dismissively, "As well

they should fear me.

Why, if that filthy Mad Sci major hadn't managed

to flank my Flute

battalion with his robots, I would have taken the

Admin Building for

sure! And from there, I would have ruled the whole

campus. And from

the campus, I could have ruled the world..." _Ah,

such a simple

plan. Where could it have possibly gone wrong?_

"So, Mistress, you see vhat I am saying?"

You think most band people would be happy ruling the
campus. :)

But so often, when you attain what you've desired for
so long, you find that it only leaves you feeling
empty...

Of course, the Drum Major would have to have more
than, oh, four or five neurons firing at the same time
to even CONCIEVE of feeling empty, so she'd be plenty
happy ruling the campus!

...And Ashley could only stare in wonder at the

goddess of

lust incarnate that stepped out, drooling

incoherently as she strode

towards him and put one hand out to stroke his

cheek, her black eyes

half-lidded. "So, _you're_ the poor guy?" she

breathed sexily, her

chest moving in ways that compelled his eyes

downward.

My, his desire for his old fiancee left rather
quickly. ^_^

Magick, milad, magick. The Olde Worlde kind.

"I was created by man long ago, a desire they

thought they

wished for but in the end could never attain. I

have-"

Heh

I didn't think that line was a joke; it was the next
paragraph that's the punchline... O_o

"Are you guys ignoring me INTENTIONALLY?"

Lilah nudged one final time. "Well, women have

needs, and

this guy is a pretty prime hunk of beefcake. Deny

it as you might,

sometimes YOU'RE a woman too..."

emphasis on 'sometimes'. :)

Not a bad change to make, actually... *rubs chin*
Maybe I should change the emphasis to being on 'woman'
instead, though.

Ruben opened his mouth to retort again, then he

realized

she'd already cast her spell while his attention

was distracted by

her words. For a moment, he searched his defenses

frantically to

find what she'd cast, looking so hard that he

almost missed the

insidious curse she'd slid in. _Blast! Limbaugh's

Raving Idiocy!_

Heh

Yep, I liked that one.
 

who knew him best believed he did it on purpose,

but Ruben had to

admit that you never quite noticed him until he

WANTED to be

noticed.

sounds like a plan to me. :)

Ah, the Gweep. I like him. 

The Drum Major whined for a moment, then she

straightened

up. "Very well, I shall heed your advice for now.

But when I have

my legions again... you shall be defeated!!

AheeheHEheheeheeHEE!!!"

amusing

*dryly* I suppose that someday I'm going to have to
center a half-dozen stories on the Drum Major, seeing
as how she's so popular. 

*shudder* I can see the doujinshi centered on her
now...

"What about criminals?"

The woman smiled broadly. "We have enough white

magicians,

superheroes-in-training, martial artists, and

valiant mecha pilots

that any criminal attending knows that plying his

trade on campus

would be suicide and grounds for immediate

expulsion

Nice place.

Bah, suicide more in the sense of the Ankh-Morpork
definition rather than the more common meaning.

Besides, she's exaggerating a bit.

...A bit.
 

manor house and given birth to a towering complex

designed for the

sole purpose of intimidating whomever had to enter

it. Gargoyles and

stone griffons perched on every available surface,

peering in every

possible direction as though guarding the

administration from any

possible threat. Ashley thought he saw crows and

other, darker

things circling the top of the building, cawing

throatily.

nice

I enjoyed writing that more than you can possibly
imagine. Uweeheheee. 

Now, if only my artistic ability could match my vision
of the place... my sister's good, but she just can't
fit in all the minor details.

When they'd walked perhaps fifty feet from the

Admin Tower,

Ruben pointed at the building nearest them. It was

an innocuous

building,

'structure' would be better since you just used
building

good point

"Yeah." Ruben sighed and turned away, walking

towards

the mall entrance. "Just like how a container

shapes the water

poured into it, a body shapes the... consciousness

poured into

it. A person who changes into, say, a cute black

piglet reacts

just like one, even though he knows that he isn't

a pig at all.

I figured as much

I've been reading my Pratchett like a good little boy,
and that idea he put forth stuck into my mind. 

Nice way to kick things off. I'll try to get to the
other chapter at a later
time.

I hope so! Things don't start taking off until the
next chapter anyway. Why, you haven't even met the
dreaded Dean yet...

Well, it seems that another of my stories has passed
your approbation. Whew!

I'm putting out the third episode pretty soon, and
your good opinion actually does mean quite a bit to
me. Thank you, and see you next review!

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