Robert Reynolds wrote:
Woohoo! Something I don't get to do very often is C&C. Not certain why I picked this fic to read today but I was bored at work :)
Donny Cheng <donnyc@osb.att.ne.jp> wrote:
Disclaimer: All characters portrayed in this story are the property of
Naoko Takeuchi and co.
This story, while NOT a lemon and NO real crass words are used, is
gratuitous. You have been warned.
So its a lime?
If you want simplify it, yes ^^;; Just a warning I cut and pasted from
the prequel where a lime tag would have been fine.
Endymion paced nervously in the antechamber to their bedroom as
he waited for his wife. It never ceased to amaze him how long it could
take her to get ready. He supposed that the girl in her took over on
these special nights where they entertained their subjects,
dignitaries, and ambassadors to the court. She could wear something
other than her usual, regal, but ultimately plain, white dress. *Her
former self would probably have killed herself if she knew that she
would be wearing a single style for the rest of her life,* he thought
wryly.
He supposed that the girl in him took ... Went from one view to third person.
Not sure what you mean here, it's his view still. But it is clunky, so
I'll reword the sentence.
The shock had just worn off before the caressing lips of his
queen made him stiffen up again. Stop that or well never leave this
room.
Maybe The shock had almost worn off before .... Makes it seem like she is moving to take advantage of her shocked hubby.
Hmm.. almost works.
* * * * *
I heard about that old coot Miriam putting you on a diet for
gaining weight during your last holiday. So I thought you could use a
=== message truncated ===
ARGH! Its cut off at the last minute! Its like watching an old TV show when they put "TO BE CONTINUED" right at a good spot. Although I could go without the whole diet thing.
Heh, once I have everthing edited, it'll be on my page.
All in all not a bad read. Sorry I didn't have time to C&C everything but thats the stuff that caught me off gaurd.
Thanks for the comments ^_^