I meant to comment on the first draft; this is very good work.  Most
of the comments I would have made other folks made, but there's
just a few things that stuck out at me:

"Oh, yes.  I guaruntee, you'll see me again."

                ^^^^^^^^^

Unless he's supposed to sound Cajun, that should be "guarantee".
You make that spelling error a few times in the story -- I think
it's the only spelling error you make.

couldn't really deny her.  She fed the machines coins, kicked it

machine, singular.

"Why, hello, Maki!  What brings you here?"

"You will refer to me as Sempai."  

BTW, I was sure Maki was going to be a Kuno.  (Actually,
maybe she's the future *Mrs.* Kuno...)

Oh, and the new passage at the end with teenaged Nodoka works
very nicely.

Overall a great job -- it's going in the queue for me to read
to my wife.

-- Bob

===============================================================================
Robert M. Schroeck          rms@eclipse.net         http://www.eclipse.net/~rms
===============================================================================
Please to remember
Eleven September --
Hijack, destruction and plot.
Our outraged reaction
To terrorist action
Should never be forgot.
===============================================================================


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