Disclaimer: Sailor Moon is the creation of Nakaao Takeuchi. The concept of 
Spiderman is the property of Marvel. No money is being made from this and no 
such intent should be inferred.

C&C, public or private is welcome. I respond to all C&C....eventually

************************
"Popeye drops his trousers in front of Bluto. 'Sailor Moon!'"
-My friend after I told him about this fic.
"John? Honey?" *WHACK*
-His wife after he said that.


*Click*

Spiderwoman's voice was no longer tired as it drifted forth from the speaker, 
but alert and there was velvet wrapped steel in the enunciated words.

"It's not something she likes to talk about, but Ami's mother Keiko was not 
only a dedicated neurosurgeon, but a brilliant inventor. Keiko's parents 
supported her this, even going so far as to erect a small shed in their 
backyard where Keiko could work without disturbing them. It was while she was 
in college that Keiko began experimenting with robots, her goal being to find 
some way to make notetaking easier without relying on tape recorders.

In doing so, she stumbled across a way that made nanotechnology cheap and 
practical. She named them 'Mnemonic Nuero-reactive fibers.' The process 
involved mixing synthetic chemical proteins with silicon which was then, if 
need be, hooked up to a power source via a contact point. While it had 
nothing to with notetaking, she could store an entire outfit inside something 
the size of a large wristwatch. With the touch of a single button, she could 
don a second outfit over whatever she was wearing. 

Using the notes she left behind and materials more advanced then what was 
available to her, I have refined Keiko's process, including a more advanced 
power source and a smaller container. As nanoifiber can do the work of all 
but the most specialized electronics, I have been able to build in several 
additions, including a phone, compass, and clock, the last two displayed on 
the lenses of my mask. Sadly, I could not make the phone component cellular, 
which means that I must connect to a land line. I have aqauired a compact 
police scanner and added it to the nano-fibers."

There was the sound of a chair creaking, Spiderwoman sitting down. In the 
shadows, pink painted lips curved in a slight smile, imagining Spiderwoman 
staring at the recorder, hands clasped together on the desk, almost lecturing 
it.

"I have spent a great deal of time considering how to fulfill my purpose. 
Some will claim that criminals are a superstitious and cowardly lot. I 
disagree with this in principal, but it is best if they fear me from the 
start. Therefore, I have used Keiko's process to fashion a costume for 
myself, one that can be donned with the press of a button. It is a full body 
costume, leaving no skin exposed. Being difficult to damage, the nano-fiber 
also serves me as body armor. I have attempted to test its vulnerability, but 
my means for doing so are limited. Bunsen burner tests show that it does not 
ignite until two thousand Kelvin. Sufficent for my purpose. My tests also 
suggest that it will withstand small and medium weapons fire from ten feet or 
more. While useful, I have no intention of staying still long enough for 
someone to shoot at me.

Keiko also formulated an adhesive with a tensile strength of nearly five 
tons. Again, I have improved and refined her formula. My calculations show 
that it will support close to ten tons. However, I have not been able to 
remove its tendency to break down and dissolve after ninety-nine minutes 
exposure to air. As I intend to use this as my 'webbing' so to speak, this 
may not be an issue. After all, the police will not be able to deal with them 
properly if they cannot remove them. 

In any case, I have placed the formula into small containers under high 
pressure. The nanofibers which cover my hands will also contain a simple 
pressure valve triggered by an electrode in the palm. I simply need to snap 
the container to the valve and it's ready. As there is a high probability 
that I will need to replace the cartridges more then once, I have fashioned a 
comparmentized belt to carry additional, as well as spent cartridges. The 
belt will also hold a few other things which I intend to aquire tonight and 
is easily hidden under Ami's clothes or in her school bag. As are the leg 
pouches which will hold any additional supplies I may require or pick up.

But that is for tonight. It is time for Ami to eat breakfast and head for 
school. She has been extremely quiet and withdrawn for the past month while I 
have been preparing her new personality, one that is nothing like me, as an 
additional layer of protection and the time has come to unveil it. In 
addition, her economics project is due today. I expect her teacher will be 
surprised at the results."

****
Usagi and Naru were standing side by side at the Academy's front gate swaying 
from side to side and singing in a dull monotone when Ami arrived. Their eyes 
were blank and a baseball cap lay with a few coins in it lay upside down in 
front of them.

"Triangle Man, Triangle man," they were singing in loud and decidedly off-key 
tones, "Triangle man hates Person Man. They have a fight, Triangle wins. 
Triangle man" The blank look vanished as they stopped singing. 

"Hi, Ami!" Usagi said as she picked up the cap. "Geez. Only five hundred 
yen?" She shook her fist at the school. "Cheapskates! That was quality 
entertainment!"

"Yes," Ami agreed. "A vacant-eyed recitation by the school's resident maniacs 
in a voice that sounds like someone strangling a cat is worth far more then 
five hundred yen."

Usagi and Naru stared at her. "Did she just insult us using sarcasm?" Naru 
asked after a moment.

"I believe so." Usagi said.

"B-B-but that's Ami." Naru gestured as though she was flustered. 
"Ami....Ami!"

"I'm sorry for being so withdrawn, guys," Ami said. "I've been doing a lot of 
thinking since Gendo died. I've been going through life holding myself back, 
not really taking chances. I've been thinking that maybe that was wrong, that 
rather then holding myself back, I should be embracing life." She faced Usagi 
and bowed deep. "I beg of you, oh learned one in the art of constructive 
insanity, teach me."

"What do you think?" Usagi asked Naru, "should we?"

"Well, she didn't kiss our feet and offer us bribes or her firstborn, but 
what the hell. Let's corrupt her."

"Motion seconded and carried," Usagi said grandly. "Lessons shall begin at 
lunch." The trio turned and headed into the school. "So, Ami," Usagi said. 
"What did you do for your economics project. "Me and Naru invented a sex shop 
and used SimCorporation to see how it did." Ami took a folder from her bag 
and handed it to Usagi, who opened the folder to find two CD-ROM's in 
sleeves, and sheafs of paper.

"Ah, the stock market," Usagi said, glancing through the papers. Coming from 
a long line of business majors, she absorbed the numbers just by scanning the 
page." Dull, but tried and true. Lessee, profit margins, accounts statement, 
daily records. Hm. Hong Kong, European and American Stock market. There's 
Brownie points. Heh. You even went through the trouble of mocking up stock 
certificaaaahhhhoooooollllllyyyyy SHIT!" She pulled the statement from the 
folder and stared at it. Then she looked at the papers. "Son of a bitch..."

"What?" Naru asked.

Usagi handed her the certificates. "Your dad's the stockbroker. These aren't 
real, right?"

Naru studied them. "As real as Britney Spears' implants..." She snatched the 
folder from Usagi and looked at the numbers. "Holy shit indeed," she said. 
Tucking the papers back into the folder, Naru handed it back to Ami. "This 
says you're worth a quarter mil American right now and a mil by as early as 
midsummer." Ami nodded. "How did you manage that?"

"With this," Ami said, showing them one of the CD-ROM's. "It's a probability 
analysis program. It searches newsgroups and certain websites for keywords 
and then either presents you a list of recommended choices or will purchase 
and sell stocks of those companies which sell items related to those keywords 
on your behalf via the web all day long. I had been working on it as a 
present for Grandpa Jameson to help him at the races. But when Mr. Watanabe 
gave the assignment, it wasn't hard to adapt it to deal with the stock 
market."

"Where did you get the start up?"

"Mom left me a trust fund which doles out a monthly allowance for my use. I 
just used last months dole."

"This, ladies," Usagi said, throwing her arms around them. "is a grand 
occasion. Do you know what the creatively insane do on grand occasions, Ami?"

"No."

"Go out for pizza after school. You're buying."

****
Word on the street was that if you needed something, you went to see Hikaru 
Kojiro. Kojiro ran a small all night pawn shop in Shinjuku. If he didn't have 
it or couldn't lay his hands on it within a week, it didn't exist. He was a 
short, balding man, with a large stomach, weak chin and watery eyes.

Tonight, he was counting the previous night's profits and congratulating 
himself when an arm clad in blue dropped into his field of vision, grabbed 
his shirt collar and yanked him up from his seat. Too surprised to yell, he 
found himself face to face with a young lady clad in red and blue. Glancing 
up, he saw she was hanging upside down from ceiling on what looked like 
spider webbing. Her mask was bright red with two black lenses where the eyes 
were. The red portion covered her shoulders, her (nice, he noticed) chest, 
and then narrowed to a point which was covered by the utility belt she wore. 
The rest of her was clad in blue save for the thigh pouches, which were 
black. Around her left wrist was a red metal spider. The two front legs 
extended forth onto the back of her hand, which was gripping the webbing, the 
middle legs were around her wrist, and the back ones pointed backwards onto 
her arm.

"Um, can I help you?" Kojiro asked.

She dropped him into his chair and then lowered herself on the web until she 
was at eye level. "I wish to make a purchase." Her voice was very soft, steel 
wrapped in velvet. "Three 'unbreakable' knives, throwable, lightweight and 
ultrasharp as well as the means to keep them that way even with heavy use. I 
will also require a complete and compact set of burglary tools and no 
questions."

"No questions? What makes you think--" she removed an obscenely large wad of 
yen from one of the thigh pouches-- "That I am going to stand here asking 
questions when you are obviously a woman on the go with no time for small talk
. If you'll wait just one moment, I'll get your order." Leaving his desk, he 
was almost to the door when she spoke.

"Kojiro. It is said that it is a bad idea to upset the customer. If you 
present me with inferior merchandise or attempt something equally foolish, 
the customer will be upset." Kojiro swallowed. Her tone hadn't changed, and 
there had been no dramatic pauses. Add to the fact that she had gotten into 
his office without him even knowing, and the best advice he could give 
himself was that the quicker he gave her what she wanted, the less chance she 
would be upset in his presence.

It was good advice, and Kojiro took it.

****
Naru was singing the theme to Magic Knight Rayearth when she entered Usagi's 
room. "So what's the big news?" she asked when she finished. Usagi pointed at 
the black cat seated on her bed. "What? Luna? You've had her for years."

"No," Usagi said. "She talks."

"A talking cat?" Naru smirked. "Usagi old girl, I know we've collaborated on 
some whoppers, but pulling that off is beyond even our genius."

"No, she really talks. No joke. Come on Luna, say something."

The black cat looked up at Usagi with an innocent expression. "Meow." Usagi 
stared at the cat for a moment and then whipped a pillow off her bed and hit 
Luna with it. "What was that for?!" Luna yelled and then cringed.

Molly stared in genuine shock. Before her eyes, a crescent moon had appeared 
on Luna's forehead and her eyes gained a fierce intelligence. "What the 
hell?" She blinked a few times and then looked at her friend. "Wait. Cute 
talking animal...please don't tell me you're a magical girl." Usagi nodded 
mournfully. "Oh how the mighty have fallen. So what are you? Sparkling 
Generation Magical Girl Pretty Miko?"

Usagi shook her head. "Nope." She leaped onto the bed and struck a pose. "I 
fight for love and justice. I am Pretty Soldier Sailor Moon!"

"Sailor Moon? You're the one kicking ass all over Tokyo?"

"I've told you, Usagi," Luna said reprovingly. "You are not Sailor Moon 
to..." she shuddered. "Kick ass. You're supposed to find the Moon Princess. 
She's the only one who can unlock the full power of Ginzihozu, the Moon 
Crystal."

"So what else is new?" Molly said, waving a hand dismissivly. "Tell me the 
good stuff. Who's the awesomely bishie hunk that your destined to be with for 
the rest of eternity?"

Usagi closed her eyes and pretended to swoon. "Tuxedo Mask. He's brave, 
daring--you should see how his tuxedo fits him--and oh so mysterious."

"No shit?" Naru asked and Usagi nodded. "It's Chiba." Naru said after a 
moment. "He's Tuxedo Mask."

"Very funny, Naru."

"Think about it. You keep bumping into him, you're always fighting, and then 
there's Tuxedo Mask, who--let me guess -- shows up whenever you're in 
trouble, right?" Usagi nodded mournfully. "Standard issue Magical Girl 
stuff," Naru said airily. "Take off that mask of his and you'll see Mamoru 
Chiba. I guarantee." At Luna's questioning look, Naru rolled her eyes. "His 
name's Tuxedo Mask. Of course he has a mask. Duh."

"Awwwww...."�Usagi beat her head against the bed. "Why did it have to be 
him?"

"Hey, I don't make the rules," Naru said. "But since he's your destined to 
be, what are you gonna do?"

"Kill him and hope his replacement has a better personality?"

"Nah. He's that way for a reason and you'll probably need him later."

"For what? To persuade me to get a lobotomy?"

"Oh come on, would it really be that bad to wake up next to him every 
morning? Besides, your fifteen. You got plenty of time to train him before 
the wedding."

"That's true." Usagi stood up. "Come on, Luna. Let's go."

"Go? Go where?"

"To break the news to Tuxie that he's mine."

"Usagi, don't you think you're being a bit irrational about this?" Luna stood 
up and stretched. "You're basing this on Naru's say so."

"And what's wrong with my say so?"

"Yeah! Oh! Hey, Luna, can Naru have a communicator so we can stay in touch?"

"No!"

"Aw, come on, Luna?" Usagi said as both girls hit their knees. "Please?" They 
said in unison, giving her puppy dog eyes. "Pleeeeeeasssseeeeee?"

"Oh very well." Luna said grumpily and crouching, did a stupendous backflip 
and as she did, something fell to the bed. It was two bracelets, each one 
emblazoned with a small crescent moon.

"Cool!" They exclaimed and each grabbed one. "And now," Usagi said grandly, 
"I shall transform. Naru?" As Naru began to hum "Battle Hymn of The 
Republic," Usagi melodramatically raised her right hand into the air. "Moon 
Ass Kicking Power Make up!"

"The words 'ass kicking' are not part of the transformation phase!' Luna 
yelled as Usagi began to glow. Naru had to shield her eyes, peering through 
her fingertips. For one brief moment, staring into the light, Naru perceived 
a glimpse of Usagi's destiny, and felt overwhelmed by awe. When the light 
faded, Usagi was dressed entirely in black. Even a black trench coat that 
reached to mid-calf. Her pants were leather and seemed almost painted on and 
her shirt was a tank top that came just shy of showing cleavage. Around her 
neck was a small red choker with a cresenct moon and a gold tiara on her 
head. Red jewels were on her odangos and she wore heavy boots with a small 
gold crescent moon on each ankle. Her gloves were black as well. Luna sighed. 
"Why do you insist on wearing that outfit?"

"Because the rules state that if you have a trench coat, you can kick ass. 
The darker the color of the coat, the better ass kicker you are."

"And a black trench coat means you can kick a lot of ass," Naru chimed in.

"The rest of the outfit just seemed to go with it," Usagi said and lifted up 
one of her boots. "Check these out. Steel in the toes, heels, and soles. I 
can kick my way through a wall with these. Website I got 'em at called 'em 
'gonads go bye-bye.'"

"Which one?"

"No means no dot com."

"Oooh! I was there last night. Did you see their subway rear end deflector?"

"You mean the fanny pack that's a disguised steel trap? Yeah. It kicks ass."

"Damnit! Being a Senshi is not about...'kicking ass'!" Luna seemed to be on 
the edge of a nervous breakdown. "Your uniform is that of the Moon Princess' 
personal guard! The Senshi are the greatest force for good in the galaxy! 
That uniform symbolizes Truth! Honor! Justice! Love!"

"The skirt flies up and shows off my ass if somebody blows on it. The whole 
uniform's totally impractical."

"Gaaaahhhh!" Luna half shouted and burrowed under the blankets where they 
could hear muffled cursing.

"Call me while you're out man-hunting?"

"For sure. Later."

"Later." Naru let herself out. Sailor Moon went out the window.

Luna continued swearing.

****
He smiled as he unclipped the testing leads from the wires. All was in 
readiness. He turned and began to climb the stepladder leading to the tank. 
There was only one thing left to do and he would be ready.

He paused at the edge of the tank and smiled down at the mask. Some people 
hid their true nature behind a mask. How ironic that he would hide the mask 
he presented to the world, behind one that represented his true nature.

"I wonder what Ambrose Beirce would say about this?" he called down to the 
mask. With that, he jumped in.

****
Sailor Moon crouched to as she landed on the adjoining rooftop. Above her, 
the office building belched smoke and fire and she wiped some soot off her 
cheek. Cubicle mazes were fun, but not when idiots were--something slammed 
into from behind, and she sprawled face forward into the gravel topped roof.

"What the...?" Rolling over to look, she found herself staring at a woman 
dressed in a red and blue costume. "And who are you, sunshine?" Sailor Moon 
asked, getting to her feet.

"Spiderwoman."

"Spiderwoman? Wait. Don't tell me. Those stupid radiation experiments down at 
the University irradiated a spider and it bit you, bestowing the 
proportionate speed, strength, and agility of a spider." Sailor Moon thought 
about that. "Nah, that's totally out of the sixties. Genetics experiment?"

"You set that fire." Spiderwoman said flatly. "You will come quietly."

"Excuse me? All I did was chase this ugly mo fo into the building and he 
tossed an incendiary into the copy machine. Who knew toner was that 
flammable? In any case," more for the fun of it, Sailor Moon struck a pose. 
"Sailor Moon, champion of love and justice, is no arsonist." She moved back 
to a more neutral pose. "So anyways, what do you say we get the big fight 
portion of this misunderstanding out of the way and then go find a bad guy to 
beat up?"

"No," Spiderwoman replied and turned away walking to the edge of the roof.

"Hey! Where are you going? We're heroes! We have to fight. It's in the rule 
book. Two champions of the city meet, each thinks the other is a villain and 
they fight for a bit before realizing they're on the same side. Then they 
find a bad guy to beat up and then go for coffee." Spiderwoman didn't answer 
and Sailor Moon strode forward and grabbed her arm. "What the hell is your 
problem, Lady?"

"Let go of me."

"Well, aren't we Miss Friendship Two Thousand and Three," Sailor Moon said 
acidly. Spiderwoman whipped around, her fist barreling directly at Sailor 
Moon's face, only to stop as the blonde grabbed her wrist, stopping it just 
inches from her nose. "Four hours of Kung-Fu with the best trainer in Tokyo 
three times a week. Better then aerobics."

"My Danger sense...didn't warn me?" Spiderwoman pulled her arm back, trying 
to break Sailor Moon's grip. But the Senshi would not let go.

"Wait, wait, wait." Sailor Moon said excitedly. "You have an extra sense that 
warns you of danger? But I don't set it off? That is so cool." Like a flash, 
her booted foot snapped up, the steel toe hitting Spiderwoman in the stomach, 
causing her to double over. Stepping to the side, Sailor Moon twisted 
Spiderwoman's arm behind her. Spiderwoman crouched and then leapt into the 
air. "YAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Sailor Moon screeched, unprepared for sudden liftoff 
and let go of Spiderwoman's arm, who twisted around in midair, grabbed Sailor 
Moon's shirt, and threw her back down to the roof. Stunned, she could only 
lay there and watch as Spiderwoman dropped towards her. 'Shit,' she thought. 
'I'm going to feel this one in the morning.'

WHOOSH! Something flashed across her field of vision and Spiderwoman was 
hitting the ground twenty feet away.

"You're both on the same side," a voice rang out. "Stop this senseless 
fighting right now and talk out--" Spiderwoman stuck out her hand, made a 
hand gesture and a long gray cord flashed out from her wrist. Grabbing it, 
she pulled and something hit the roof, accompanied by a muffled grunt. 
Sitting up, Sailor Moon saw Tuxedo Mask lying on the roof, trying to remove 
what looked like webbing from the front of his shirt.

'Figures,' Sailor Moon thought. 'She chose a spider motif. Of course she'd 
have webbing.' Aloud, she said; "Thanks, Webhead, I've been wanting to do 
that for weeks now."

"Who is he?" Spiderwoman asked. Sailor Moon cocked her head. Spiderwoman 
sounded almost curious. 

"This?" Sailor Moon nudged Tuxedo Mask with one booted foot. This well 
dressed sack of arrogance is apparently my future husband. Sad, isn't he? 
Who'd have thought that a woman of my poise would get this for my sweet 
baboo."

Now in Tuxedo Mask's defense, it should be pointed out that he is a creature 
of instinct. One overriding instinct above all else: Protect Sailor Moon at 
all costs. That aside, he was a typical male with testosterone to spare, and 
there are few men who like to be told that they will be marrying a certain 
somebody. And so, under the combination of his instincts, testosterone, and 
emotional bruising from Sailor Moon's insults, he could be excused for 
leaping to his feet and shouting. "I'm not your sweet baboo!"

WHAM!

Not that Sailor Moon did, of course. "I'm the magical girl, you're the 
mysterious masked bishie who's always there when I need him," she said, 
crouching down next to him as he clutched his shin, teeth gritted in pain. 
"I'm not thrilled about it either but we play the cards we're dealt. So 
here's the deal: I hate flowers, love chocolate and despise 'chick flicks'. 
My birthday is in June on the fourth and if you dare buy me lingerie before 
I'm eighteen, I will kill you. Destiny or no. Got that?"

"You're crazy," Tuxedo Mask said, recovering enough to sit up.

"It's been remarked," Sailor Moon said without batting an eye. But that's not 
what I asked. I--" She broke off as Spiderwoman suddenly whipped around and 
stared into the shadows. "Crap. Get up, Tuxie, we'll finish this later. We 
got company."

"Company?"

"Spidey has some kind of sixth sense that warns her of danger. I think it 
just went off."

There was heavy footsteps and then something stepped into the light. It 
covered with yellow scales, green hair and it's eight green eyes glittered 
hungrily. It had to be at least two or three or so meters tall, with long, 
apelike arms and a mouth full of sharp teeth.

"Youma," Sailor Moon said and then raised her voice. "Okay, Jadeite, I know 
you're here. Show yourself and let's get the posturing overwith.

A tall blond man dressed in a dark blue uniform with red trim faded into 
view. "Well, Tuxedo Mask, Sailor Moon and someone new. "A pleasure to make 
your aqauintence." He said to Spiderwoman. "And you are?"

"Spiderwoman."

"Charmed."

"Yeah, yeah. Look, Jadey, it's still three on two. Well--"

"Three on three, actually," said a new voice. Off to one side was a tall 
figure dressed in a purple costume. His skin was green, and he had yellow 
eyes and a big smile. A brown satchel was slung over one shoulder. He stood 
on a bird shaped platform which hovered just inches above the rooftop. "I 
have no name, I'm afraid, it seemed rather unessacary and I'm sure the press 
will give me something catchy." He reached into his satchel and took out what 
looked like a pumpkin. "In any case. Sailor Moon, you and I have bisnuess to 
attend to.

"Well, aren't I popular tonight?"

"Yes, I think if I leave your corpse somewhere for the police to find, it 
will do a great deal for my new career as master of the Tokyo underworld." He 
looked at Jadeite. "I would however, welcome some company."

"I think that can be arranged," Jadeite said with a smile. "By the way, I'm 
Lord General Jadeite of the Dark Kingdom."

"A pleasure. Shall we?"

With that, they began to advance.

"You know" Sailor Moon said to no one in particular. "I'm kinda glad nobody 
told me this morning that I'd be the trigger for a gathering of three guys, 
two girls and a thing. Because compared to what I'd have been expecting, this 
is the pits."

*************
Steve "Komodo" T.
"Great," Nabiki said, getting up to pace as her voice began to climb in 
volume with every word. "Kasumi gets a man who worships the ground she walks 
on, Akane has three different rich lunatics, or kings, or Demigods fall in 
love with her nearly every day--and that's just before breakfast, mind 
you--and what do I get?" She glared at SETCOM's burnished black metal shell, 
her voice soft, but her tone as cold as ice. "A computer."


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