Aaron E Nowack wrote:
Hmm... maybe I'll do a bit of C&C... I'm not amking much progress
writing at the moment, so why not? ;)
Ah, C&C!
The mighty C&C disclaimer of Doom: All the below is merely my own (not
necessarily useful, funny, or correct) opinion, and may be used or
ignored as you see fit.
From an Evil Twin, no less!
And on with the show, I suppose.
On Fri, 15 Nov 2002 18:31:15 -0800 Brian Randall <brian@azurite.org
<mailto:brian@azurite.org>> writes:
> Also, I _think_ I've nailed down the formatting issue with
> my posts to
> the FFML. Here's to hoping!
Well, it certainly looks different on my end... but then I wasn't having
any problems to begin with, so who knows?
Aside: They weren't fixed. I don't think they ever will be. ;_;
> Disclaimer: Takahashi owns the paint, I am, as ever, using
> my own easel to make a new picture.
A picture of a walrus.
Playing poker!
> fun, not edutainment.
Well, I guess I don't see it, then. I thought at first it was pre-WWII,
but as I recall there's a mention of a computer, which would put it well
afterward... is it some sort of "Japan wins World War II" altaverse?
No, it's more about Japan keeping ancient cultural values while
developing modern technology. Some technology is more limited across the
globe, but that should become relevant as neccessary.
And, this is probably quite a cop-out on my part, but I'm not good with
history, so I would encourage readers who review this story to not pay
too much attention to it, because it's not as important as the
characters themselves. :p
> Ranma held himself very still, his father nearby -- felt,
> but not seen.
I think you might need a verb of some sort in the "his father nearby",
or else reword it somehow.
I could be wrong, however.
Fixed!
> hand on his sword, and standing to one side. Waiting for Ranma to
> call
> the next move, of course.
Rather odd for Genma to be giving Ranma the lead...
This is specifically Ranma's affair of honor. Genma won't interfere
unless he has to.
> His words fell on deaf ears. Ukyou had stopped listening
> once she
> realized that her family once more had a title. More, they were
> elevated
> from the wealthy merchants they had once been, now to be given
> lands, a
> title, and honor.
If they were wealthy merchants (and not nobles) before, why do they
"once more have a title"?
Point. Will fix.
> fault his father. Something was amiss, and he felt it in his bones,
> though he couldn't -- for the life of him -- tell _what_ was amiss.
I'm not sure the dashes really need to be there.
I play the stylism card!
> Yes, things were going to be interesting.
I think they will be, In fact interesting is probably the one word I'd
pick to describe this fic so far.
Apologies for not having more specific comments, but I didn't catch many
errors, and failed to come up with many witty comments.
The characterizations here are... different, but they seem to be logical
results of the setting. The only thing I found slightly odd was that I
would expect this Ranma to be much more embaressed/ashamed of his curse
then he seems to be.
More on this later....
Looking forward to next part...
Thanks! And thanks muchly for the C&C, too. :p
Aaron Nowack
"Never let reality get in the way of a good hypothesis."
http://www.geocities.com/anowack/