First, the positives.  You get cool points for crossing over
Santuary, and Hojo's brief appearance didn't seem totally out of
character.

However...Ranma is still coming off as an omnicompetent ubermensch
who is never, *ever* wrong about *anything*.  Is he really still
supposed to be 16, 17 years old in this?

Meanwhile, Kasumi takes half a day of speed training and is instantly
able to surpass everything Akane's learned in the last ten years. 
I'm surprised you didn't just have a neon LOSER sign appear above
Akane's head.

Jonah's story comes across as a clumsy attempt to impress the reader
with Ranma's compassion and charisma.  Instead of accomplishing that,
it just makes me more irritated with the ubermensch wearing Ranma's
name.

Again, is there any *real* reason for Akane to be in this story other
than acting as the author's kick toy and chances for Ranma to show
his uberness?

The departure of Souun suggests that you may be trying to move Akane
into the "comic relief" role, but the (lack of)personality you've
given her doesn't really fit it.

Suggestions:  The fight would have worked better if Akane won on
"points" but got flattened because she wouldn't go full out against
her seemingly delicate sister.

You need to make Ranma less uber and more human.  There are only so
many hours in a day, what has he neglected to get so good at the
things he's learned?  Have him be wrong or at least mildly surprised
once in a while.

It might help your portrayal of Akane if you ask yourself, if she's
as awful at martial arts as I keep saying, why hasn't she given up? 
What makes them so important to her?  Then find a way to show, not
tell, show us the answer.

Or you could junk the whole "martial arts romantic comedy" side of
the story, since it just isn't working, and concentrate on "Kick-butt
Kasumi and Uber-Ranma in an action movie."


SKJAM!









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