Sam Vilsmeier wrote:

In a sing-song tone Chibi-Usa said, "To have your lover ask for your
hand while in his arms after embracing your passion for one another...
That's so great!"

Repeated from the last chapter... presumably intentional?

She wished she could find someone special. A handsome prince to whisk
her away... wait, scratch that. She'd had her fill of "handsome
princes". They were all arrogant pricks that wanted into her panties,
and onto her (parent's:parents') throne. Most of them couldn't care less about
her. If any of them were like Pegasus or even her father, she'd
consider it, but no. They just wanted her body and political power.

The Pegasus *does* have a name, you know; it's usually given as either 
"Elios" or "Helios", with the latter being probably more what was intended.

And, wanted her body? Unless she's physically matured *considerably* 
beyond her canon age (and in one of the sources, I believe she's stated 
to be centuries old the first time we see her), that would seem a 
little... peculiar, to choose the nicest handy term.

Suggest adding "her" before "political".

She turned her head to Ranma, and was surprised by his glassy eyes
expression. The color had drained from his face, and he was trembling
with fear. He looked like he was seeing something horrible. Chibi-Usa's
hand automatically moved to her transformation (broach:brooch), as she followed
Ranma's line of vision to the source. Chibi-Usa blinked. It was only
her grandmother and Diana. Was it Diana he was afraid of? She was the
only new thing, unless Ranma had an overwhelming phobia of *tea*. Was
he afraid of a cute little kitty cat?

With a loud scream, Ranma bolted backward, slamming into the wall, his
face overcome with (shear:sheer) mindless terror. The impact knocked a vase
placed on a shelf above him over, showering the young man with cut
flowers and water.

Not noticing the change, Ranma stayed pressed against the wall, looking
at the small cat like she was some demon. Chibi-Usa stared into his
eyes and saw terror, a pure stark terror that chilled her.

Stared into his eyes? She's across the room, last I checked. Suggest 
something more like "caught a glimpse of his eyes" or "was chilled by 
the look in his eyes" ("chilled" isn't necessarily the best word there); 
you don't need to stare someone directly in the eyes to see terror there.

Hotaru quickly turned her head to the moon (cat and yelling:cat and yelled:cat, yelling), "Get out of
here!"

Hearing the meow Ranma let out another fearful yelp and jumped back
into the wall. Chibi-Usa swore that she saw a spiderweb of cracks begin
to spread across the drywall.

Drywall? Unless my understanding of construction is off, drywall is 
almost never left exposed, unles you're going for the 'unfinished' look. 
I do know the effect you're describing, but the word you want escapes me 
for the moment.

"NOW!" the (princes:princess) commanded.

People do tend to forget that... she *is* a princess, and presumably 
does know how to use the Voice of Authority when she needs to. She 
doesn't do it much, and that's probably a good thing, but assuming she 
can't seems a bit much.

As soon as Diana was gone, Ranma slid down the wall with a loud sigh.
The redhead was obviously still shaken but was no longer incapacitated
with fear. Ranma's breathing calmed in a few seconds, and 'she' looked
down at 'herself'. He sighed in expiration, and chuckled morosely to
himself. After a second he turned to look at everyone.

Sighed in expiration? Since I doubt you're talking about milk going bad, 
presumably the usage meant is the same idea of 'exhalation of breath' 
that gave us the word 'expire' meaning 'die' (by way of one's last 
breath); however, that's still redundant with "sighed". The only other 
alternative I can think of is that you meant "exasperation", which makes 
even less sense.

I'm going to assume that your gender-pronoun usage there is intentional...

Ikuko looked at the small (indent:dent:indentation:depression) in her wall, and at the man turned
woman. "Wha... What's going on here?"

Hotaru's hand unconsciously moved to Ranma's shoulder. "Is it any less
believable than (Magic:Magical) Girls and Youma?" asked Hotaru, trying to help
make her fianc�e's case.

I'm assuming from this that the Tsukino family knows about their 
daughter's other identity, and I've just forgotten where we found out 
about that.

As someone else will probably also point out, you don't necessarily want 
to capitalize "Magical Girl" or "Youma"; however, if you capitalize 
either one, you definitely want to capitalize the other.

Ranma sighed, and replied by taking Ikuko's hand and placing it onto
her chest. He then dumped a cup of steaming hot tea over his head.

That's going to leave a bit of a mess on the floor...

Ikuko's eyes opened to their limits (and:as) she and felt saw Ranma morph
from the gorgeous woman to his natural form.

Ikuko blushed, and backed away from Ranma, as she processed all of it.
"Okay, I believe you", she said with a deep sigh.

Suggest "blushed and backed away from Ramna, trying to process all of 
it", or the like.

Ranma turned around and looked at the wall. There was a small,
(supermodel shaped:supermodel-shaped) crater in it. He blushed and chuckled to himself.
"Er... sorry!"

"Ranma, I have this feeling that I really don't want to know, but what
*is* it..." said Hotaru.

Need a question mark here.

"Simple," replied Ranma(,:.) "(It:The training) involves wrapping the student, preferably
a young child, in fish sausage then throwing him into a pit full of
starving cats. "

The technique itself doesn't involve any of that; that's just the only 
known training method.

"How old were you?" asked Ikuko, he voice completely numb.

Why is this always everyone's first question, when presented with that 
story? It's not one of the first things likely to spring to *my* mind...

Ikuko sat down. It was obvious from the look of revulsion that Ranma's
story had made her very nauseous.

That seems like a slightly excessive reaction. With a more graphic 
demonstration, sure, and seeing the training method put into practice 
would certainly do it, but to become nauseous at just the story would 
require a very vivid and rather unconstrained imagination.

"Ranma-kun," she interrupted(, "He:. "He:, "he) seriously thought that was some kind
of martial arts training?"

"Martial Arts training, Saotome Genma Stupid Style. You don't think,
you just do, and hope it doesn't blow up in your face." he said flatly,
"I learned the technique, but it wasn't what the baka-panda expected."

Inconsistency of capitalization from one paragraph to the next.

Might want "learned the technique, of course" - Ranma's egotistical 
enough for the notion of learning any particular technique to be 
inevitable, and... never mind, you don't have to use this here, it's 
just got me thinking about something that may produce another story idea.

"As I was saying, if I'm around cats too long the technique (take:takes) hold.
I kinda go berserk. I'm almost invincible, but I go crazy from the
fear, lose my mind, and start ta think and act like a cat. I have no
memory of it, but I've been told the only way ta get me to snap out of
it is to get me to fall asleep or activate my curse."

Hotaru silently looked at her beloved and let the story of the Neko-ken
run through her mind over and over again. Hotaru's hand slowly drifted
to her belly. His father was a monster as much as any of the enemies
she'd ever faced. What kind of bastard could do that to their own
child... and if he could do something like that to his child, why not
his grandchild, her child. This went beyond child abuse. It was just
callous, sadistic cruelty...

The "his father" reference, coming as it does just after her hand drifts 
down to her belly, sounds almost as if it might be referring to Ranma 
rather than to Genma.

The sentence following that one needs at least one question mark.

I'd swap the period and ellipsis in the last two sentences, and combine 
them into one.

(He:She) took a step away, out of (his:her fiance�'s) arms, and looked at him. "Ranma," said
Hotaru in a voice as one coming from a crypt. All heads turned to her.

You haven't used any proper nouns since you referred to Genma as "he"... 
you need one here, or the "his" you had would still refer to Genma.

The "voice as one coming from a crypt" sounds off, somehow, but I don't 
know how to fix it without losing the effect (which is a nice one).

Hotaru face was quickly drained of it's anger. Oh shit... she'd just
screwed up yet again. She slowly turned to the concerned and very
confused lady of the house. Hotaru decided to tell her the truth(,:;) she
would know anyways in a month or so, and Ikuko had always been a good
mother. She had raised Usagi(, and: and,) to a degree, Chibi-Usa very well. She
had even provided some of the mothering for her that Michiru-mama
didn't have the experience to provide. She really deserved to know, but
still, after what happened with her 'parents', she was afraid.

For that first sentence, suggest "The anger quickly drained from 
Hotaru's face."

Repetition of "provide" in the next-to-last sentence.

In the last sentence, "she" is used to refer to two different people 
without the use of relevant proper noun in between (needed before the 
"her", actually).

Hotaru gulped, and hoped that the older woman wouldn't think any less
of her. "Hai..."

<snip>

Hotaru gulped, and hoped that the older woman wouldn't think any less
of her. "Ikuko-san, I'm..."

Repetition again... this is probably an editing fluke.

Hotaru's confession was interrupted(: by) Ranma as he placed his hands on her
shoulders.

She looked up to him, and into his eyes. She saw a small amount of
frustration, but she could tell by how he was looking at her(,:) that he
was with her in this. If not (no:now), they were soon going to be a family.

The last sentence could do with some rephrasing, beyond what I've noted.

The look of unease gradually faded from Hotaru's face, replaced with
contentment.

With a sigh, she turned back to the lady of the house. "Ikuko-san,
Ranma and I..." she blushed and looked down. "We're going to have a
baby..."

All in all, very well handled. I didn't even see that coming until Ikuko 
asked about it... nicely done.

This is considerably better than the first drafts of some of your 
earlier chapters; it's still not perfect, obviously, but it's much 
improved. Keep up the good work; I'm looking forward to more of this!

-- 
       The Wanderer

I feel I should warn you I'm slightly mad.

Warning: Simply because I argue an issue does not mean I agree with any 
side of it.

A government exists to serve its citizens, not to control them.

"I would rather be exposed to the inconveniences attending too much 
liberty than to those attending too small a degree of it."
  - Thomas Jefferson to Archibald Stuart, 1791. ME 8:276


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