Some points before we begin...
1) I am VERY interested in all forms of C&C. Particulary regarding the
characterisation of anim� characters that make their way into this. My first
time writing them. Yes I can take criticism, I love it.
2) This is just part/episode one, but the fic is complete. The whole thing can
be found at http://www.simpworks.com/fanfiction/simpmoon/ if you can't wait.
But I have only put part one into the format for this mailing list so far. Will
post the rest of the parts here over the next few days, unless directed
otherwise.
3) Just about everything that COULD be spoiled in Sailor Moon Season 1 WILL be
spoiled in this fic. Not a problem I suspect for the majority of people in this
group, but will remain on the safe side.
Spoilers
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Spoilers
Best viewed in fixed-width font...
THAT STUPID TEXT THAT
GOES AT THE START
OF THE DUB INTRO
GOES HERE
("A long time ago, galaxy's greatest adventure, blah blah blah")
But that was Star Wars. This is something a lot sillier.
SCENE : SPACE
There are just some stars in the picture. As the voiceover continues,
various views of the planets and scenes of the places are shown.
VOICEOVER : For the benefit of those wise people who do not know Sailor
Moon, I shall tell you a story. A long time ago, there was a great
empire of a thousand years that lived on the moon. They were called the
Silver Millennium and they ruled the entire solar system, making quite
a fuss of it despite the fact that our solar system is the equivalent
of a molecule sized needle in a planet sized haystack. Regardless,
their empire was a powerful one, self-sustaining and stable.
Each planet in the system had a royal family of it's own, and the
eldest daughters of these families were the bodyguards of the princess
of the Moon, Princess Serenity. The Sailor Senshi, as they were known,
commanded strong magical powers and were among the most powerful beings
in the solar system, although the Princess and the Queen outclassed all
of them. The Sailor Senshi took their name from the ridiculously skimpy
sailor-like costumes they wore - there is an unwritten rule that the
more important a leader is, the stupider their guards' uniforms are.
The Senshi didn't have it as bad as the Swiss Guard, but they did have
to put up with miniskirts.
As it's name implies, the Silver Millennium ruled for over a thousand
years... until a revolt broke out on Earth under Queen Beryl of the
Dark Kingdom. Earth did not have a Senshi, and it's Prince Endymion was
on the moon attempting to woo Princess Serenity, so Earth fell and the
revolt quickly spread to the Moon.
Prince Endymion and the Sailor Senshi fought hard to protect Princess
Serenity, but to no avail. Eventually the prince and princess both fell
to the Dark Kingdom's attacks, as did the Senshi. The Dark Kingdom was
defeated eventually, but not before it achieved its goal, the end of
the Silver Millennium.
Queen Serenity (not to be confused with her daughter Serenity JR)
survived the battle, and soon discovered the Princess and her friends'
dead bodies. The Queen used the last of her strength to send them all
to be reborn in another time, with no memories of what had happened.
But since she had to use the Ginzoushou, or Silver Plot Device, to
achieve this she died shortly afterwards.
Thousands of years later, the Sailor Senshi, Prince Endymion and
Princess Serenity are living happily after being reincarnated... well
mostly happily. Endymion's had a bit of a rough time of it, but that's
another story. What's important right now is that the Dark Kingdom has
reappeared, and is having another try at the galaxy domination thing...
NORTH KILTTOWN PRESENTS
a The Simpsons / Sailor Moon crossover
"PRETTY SOLDIER SIMPSON MOON"
Part 1 : Lunacy in Springfield! Lisa's bizarre transformation.
by Steven Scott / GKScotty / Steveite
(steven.scott@btinternet.com)
from an idea by Rich Wilson / Cuteswan
INT : SIMPSONS TV ROOM, DAY
BART and LISA sit on the couch eating their breakfast. The familiar
opening music of an Itchy and Scratchy cartoon is heard.
CUT TO :
TV SCREEN
Usual I&S title screen. The title is "Episode 76 : Breadknives don't
just cut bread! Itchy's surprising revelation!"
CUT TO :
STREET IN CARTOON TOKYO
ITCHY stands in the street, looking at a map. Camera pans around a few
times, looking at pictures of the sky, the houses, the street, the
ground, the birds, the clouds, the dogs, the walls and the inevitable
cherry trees (complete with blossom) This takes about 3 minutes, while
slow, relaxing music plays.
SUDDENLY the background starts flashing red and battle music starts, as
SCRATCHY attempts to hit Itchy with a flying kick. Itchy just ducks and
Scratchy lands a few feet away from him.
CUT TO :
Close-up of Scratchy glaring at Itchy, for about 2 seconds.
CUT TO :
Close-up of Itchy glaring at Scratchy, for about 2 seconds.
CUT TO :
Close-up of Scratchy glaring at Itchy, his eye twitching, for about 4
seconds.
CUT TO :
Close-up of Itchy glaring at Stratchy, his eye twitching, for about 4
seconds.
CUT TO :
Close-up of Scratchy glaring at Itchy, his face turning red and shaking
his fist, for about 8 seconds.
CUT TO :
Close-up of Itchy glaring at Stratchy, his face turning red and shaking
his fist, for about 8 seconds.
Scratchy snarls, and charges itchy! Itchy charges Scratchy! Scratchy
holds out a palm! A huge laser beam (I'm talking 4 foot diameter)
shoots at Itchy! Itchy flies out of the way and starts throwing a
million breadknives! The breadknives cut scratchy into many little bits
and embed themselves in his noggin.
Itchy lands on the ground, panting, sighs to himself, (phew!) bows to
his ex-opponent and starts to prepare some celebratory green tea.
SUDDENLY, aliens attack!
CUT TO :
THE SIMPSONS TV ROOM
Bart and Lisa are still watching, as various miscellaneous fight SFX
come from the TV. Their eyes are bulging in confusion.
LISA : Uh, Bart... what's happening now?
BART : I'm not sure... I think they're wanting vengeance for the death
of Klu Klux Klam, but they don't know that Klam was only sent to the
next dimension by Itchy in episode 132.
LISA : But the title at the start said it was episode 76!
BART : It's one of those time travel things I think... (SFX : DING!)
Hey, they're done!
Bart gets up from the couch, and runs to the kitchen.
CUT TO :
KITCHEN
Bart runs over to the oven, opens it up, and removes a baking tray.
BART : Ah, they're finally done... just in time too.
Lisa appears at the doorway.
LISA (suppressing smile) : Bart... have you been (grin) baking?
BART : Hey, don't get the wrong idea Lis. You know how it's report card
day today?
LISA : Yes...
BART : Well, I figured, since you always get good grades for cooking
the teacher's some muffins, I could try the same thing and...
LISA : Bart! I get good grades because I work hard in class and study!
BART : So you say, but they could just be humoring you to get more
muffins...
(SFX : Bus horn) Lisa glances up at the wall clock.
LISA : Oh no, we're late? We're gonna miss the bus!
Bart and Lisa run for the door, pull on their shoes as fast as
possible, and grab their bags, but by the time they're out the door the
bus is already pulling away. They stand on the sidewalk for a moment,
panting, then turn to each other.
BART/LISA : MOM!
CUT TO :
KITCHEN
MARGE is now here, washing the breakfast dishes. BART and LISA run in.
LISA : Mom, we missed the school bus! Can you give us a lift?
MARGE : You did what? Oh, I'd like to honey, but your father had a...
little accident in his car last night.
CUT TO :
CLOSEUP OF LENNY
LENNY is hanging upside down, and sleeping. He suddenly wakes.
LENNY : Huh? Where am I?
He looks down, and sees that he's hanging from a tree branch that's
caught in his pants. Springfield Gorge stretches out below him, and
Homer's car is still burning at the bottom.
CUT TO :
SIMPSONS KITCHEN
BART, LISA and MARGE are still in their positions. LENNY's cries for
help can be faintly heard in the background.
MARGE : Homer took my car to get to work today, so I don't have one.
You'll have to walk.
LISA : Walk? Walk! At this rate we'll have to RUN! (she grabs Bart's
hand) C'mon, Bart, we're late already!
Lisa sprints off, dragging Bart with her.
BART : Urk!
LENNY (OS) : Helllppp... helllppp...
CUT TO :
BART AND LISA RUNNING
Suitable fast-paced music. Bart and Lisa run along, avoiding all sorts
of obstacles and so on. After about 15 seconds, Lisa glances into the
car park next to a pre-school nursery, and sees a group of small boys
teasing what looks like a black cat. She skids to a halt, but Bart
continues towards school.
Lisa approaches the boys.
LISA (angry) : Hey, you little brats! Leave that cat alone!
She rushes toward the kids, and they scatter. She gets the cat - it's
black, and has some band-aids stuck on it's forehead in an X shape. The
cat claws at the band aids, trying to get them off.
LISA : Hey, relax kitty... did those bad boys put these band-aids on
you? Here, I'll get them off.
She peels off the band-aids. A white crescent moon is under them. As
it is shown, the cat's eyes open wide and it looks directly at Lisa.
She's startled and drops the cat. It lands on its paws for an instant
and then does a backflip about 7 feet up into the air, landing on a car
roof. And it stays there, looking closely at Lisa.
LISA (Weirded out) : O...kay... well, glad to see you're better now.
(starts to turn away, to self) Weird cat. (sudden panic) Oh no! Now I'm
even later for school!
Lisa sprints away. The black cat just stays on the car, watching her
go.
INT : BIG BLACK SCAREY PLACE (DARK KINGDOM THRONE ROOM), DAY (PROBABLY)
A cheesy, big black scary place. Heavy on the stalactites, stalagmites,
and mood lighting. Kind of like what Mel Stanley would design if she
were given a huge cave and an infinite budget. The silhouettes of
hundreds of YOUMA's (cheesy female monsters) crowd a few dozen feet
from the throne. An obviously evil woman (QUEEN BERYL) sits on said
throne, waving her hands vaguely over a crystal ball. She's doing this
every time we see her, how does she not get RSI?
BERYL : We need far more power to awaken our great ruler, Queen
Metallica, queen of RAWWWK! Jimboite! Where are you?
JIMBOITE teleports into the room in-between the Queen and the Youma's.
He looks just like JIMBO, but in a Dark Kingdom uniform. Still has the
green hat and a skull on the front of his uniform. He bows.
JIMBOITE : Yes, Queen Beryl?
BERYL : Have you completed your mission?
JIMBOITE : Yes. Napster is ruined now, and we have a trojan youma in
all the file sharing programs created to take its place. Every byte
downloaded grants our ruler further energy. The humans' lust for free
music will be their downfall.
BERYL : Good, but data energy is not a very potent source. We need the
real thing, human life energy. Take a youma to the world of humans and
con some stupid women into giving us theirs!
JIMBOITE : I've already sent Morgue to a human town, and she's getting
ready now.
BERYL : Good. Bring the energy to me.
JIMBOITE : Yes, my queen.
INT : SPRINGFIELD ELEMENTARY HALLWAYS (DAY)
The hallways are empty, except for LISA, who is sneaking down the
corridor slowly, looking around carefully. However, she manages to
walk straight into SKINNER.
SKINNER : I never thought I'd see the day - Bart Simpson on time, (To
self) by about 2 seconds, (to Lisa) Lisa Simpson late!
LISA : Principal Skinner! I can explain!
SKINNER : Don't bother. I'm sorry to have to do this Lisa, God knows
you don't deserve it, but rules are rules and I must follow them.
(Dramatic echo) 2 minutes detention.
LISA (falls to knees, scream) : NOOOOOOOOO!
SKINNER : No screaming in the halls. 2 and a half minutes detention.
LISA (scream) : NOOOOOOOOOO!
SKINNER : Didn't you hear me? 3 minutes detention.
LISA (scream) : NOOOOOOOOOOO!
SKINNER (sigh) : Just get to class...
CUT TO :
MS HOOVER'S SECOND GRADE CLASSROOM
Lisa opens the door, and creeps in. Her usual class is here, along with
MS HOOVER.
MS HOOVER : Ah, so glad you could join us Lisa. I wasn't sure whether I
should put today down as an absence or a tardy.
She scribbles on a piece of paper, and hands it to Lisa.
REPORT CARD : SPRINGFIELD ELEMENTARY SCHOOL
NAME : LISA SIMPSON CLASS : 2A
1st sem 2nd sem 3rd sem
Arithmetic A+ A+ A+
Social Studies A A A+
English A+ A A+
History A A+ A
Art A+ A A
P.E. D- C F
Attendance - Present 179 - Absent 0 - Tardy 1
Lisa gasps.
MS HOOVER : Sorry, but I'll have to give this year's best attendance
prize to... (she checks her attendance log) Ralph.
RALPH gasps, and grins broadly.
RALPH : I won, I won! What do I get?
MS HOOVER : This voucher for 10 dollars off anything at the new
Springfield Wal-Mart, and this ham.
She hands Ralph a very large ham on the bone.
RALPH : Hooray for ham!
Lisa sighs and looks dejected.
CUT TO :
PLAYGROUNDS
It's recess. LISA sits by a tree with her elbows on her knees, looking
sad. JANEY is standing near her.
JANEY : Cheer up Lisa... it's not the end of the world you know.
LISA : Yeah, I know. And besides, I'm a vegetarian. What would I want
with ham?
JANEY : Exactly. Besides, Ralph really seems to be enjoying it.
Pan to Ralph. He's sitting against a wall with a blank expression on
his face, sucking at the thin end of the ham like it's a lollypop.
MILHOUSE approaches the girls.
MILHOUSE : Huh hey Lisa... how was your report card? I got the
attendance prize this year! They gave me a Wal-Mart voucher and a
packet of lemon and pepper steaks!
Lisa just slides her face down into her knees.
JANEY : Uh, Milhouse... now's not the time.
MILHOUSE (Disappointed) : oh...
JANEY : (changing the subject) Hey Lisa, did you hear about that Sailor
V character? She was on the World's Wackiest News last night.
LISA : Sailor V? That's a strange name. Who is she?
MILHOUSE : Sailor V is a teenage girl in a mask and a sailor suit who
catches bank robbers and fights monsters and stuff. They think she's
originally from Japan, which explains the costume, but recently she's
been seen in a lot of the big American cities too. She must be on a
world tour or something.
LISA : Guys, don't you know better than to trust any news program
hosted by Krusty the Klown?
CUT TO :
2nd GRADE CLASSROOM
The whole class is busily working, RALPH is still sucking at his ham.
The clock hits 3 o'clock, and the final bell rings.
HOOVER : Okay, pack up, you can leave any time. Just go already.
JANEY (to Lisa) : Tell you what Lisa, to cheer up, why don't we go to
that new Wal-Mart and have a look at the jewel counter there. My mom
got a job there as the resident expert.
LISA : Jewels? Aren't there other, better shops in Springfield for
them?
JANEY : Of course, but no other shops are having a huge opening sale
right now!
LISA : Well, I had better head for detention... will you wait for me?
JANEY : I don't know Lisa, 3 minutes is a long time, it's almost 6
commercials. I don't know if I have that much patience...
CUT TO :
DETENTION CLASS
LISA enters, sits at a desk, and opens a textbook. After a moment Bart
sits down next to her.
BART : I guess you're here because you were late, huh?
LISA : Yeah... why are you here?
Bart doesn't reply, he just hands her a card...
REPORT CARD : SPRINGFIELD ELEMENTARY SCHOOL
NAME : BART SIMPSON CLASS : 4B
1st sem 2nd sem 3rd sem
Arithmetic F D- F
Social Studies D+ F F
English D- F+ D
History F F D-
Art F- D D+
P.E. D+ F D+
Cookies F F Ha!
Attendance - Present 96 - Absent 24 - Tardy 60
Bribery doesn't work! One hour detention!
Lisa just looks at Bart.
BART : I don't know what I did wrong Lis! Maybe I put too much Kiwi
Fruit and basil in.
Show the detention clock CLICKing to 3:03. Lisa gets her bags and
leaves the detention hall.
EXT : STREET (DAY)
LISA and JANEY walk down the street.
LISA : Really, the perfect attendance thing doesn't bother me that
much... I'm more worried about this terrible P.E mark! How did that
happen? I joined the hockey team.
JANEY : Did you ever go back to practice after that game against your
brother?
Lisa just glares at her.
CUT TO :
HIGH ANGLE VIEW OF THE CITY
LISA (OS, yelled) : D'OH!
A flock of birds takes off after the sound.
CUT TO :
BACK TO THE STREET
LISA : I knew I was forgetting something... hey, what's going on over
there?
Pan over to show the new Wal Mart. There is a gigantic crowd out the
front.
JANEY : Wow, that sale must really be working.
CUT TO :
INSIDE WAL MART
There are legions of women crowded around the jewellery counter, and
just as many other people at all the counters. They're all fussing over
the goods and buying like mad. JANEY'S MOM strides around the store,
with a megaphone made of rolled up cardboard.
J-MOM (shouting) : EVERYONE, PLEASE ENJOY YOURSELVES! THIS IS THE
BIGGEST OPENING SALE IN THE HISTORY OF WAL-MART, EVERYTHING IS AT LEAST
50% OFF AND SOME BRANDS ARE UP TO 80% OFF!
The background darkens, and EVIL, EVIL CLASSICAL MUSIC starts to play.
Janey's Mom glares around.
J-MOM (thinking) : Yes, spend you fools...
A brief shot of the REAL JANEY'S MOM, who is bound and gagged in a dark
room, then a close-up shot of the jewels. A WEIRD EERIE EVIL LIGHT
starts swirling around on them, drawing itself into the center of the
jewel. J-Mom must really be a FAKE MOM!
J-MOM (VO) : Little do you know of our evil plot... these bargains are
direct from hell itself! These jewels will steal your energy, and send
it to our great queen!
CUT TO :
SOME REALLY DARK PLACE
JIMBOITE stands here. He holds out a hand and the energy starts to
swirl into a ball just above his palm.
JIMBOITE : It's too easy... the energy of stupid women who want
jewels...
CUT TO :
THE DOORS
People are wedged in the doors. Janey and Lisa manage to POP through.
LISA : This is madness! If I know Springfield, this is an hour away
from turning into a riot!
JANEY : I know! I wonder what my mom is thinking... (she sees her, with
the megaphone) Oh! Wow, she's really getting into this! Mom, hey mom!
FAKE MOM is still laughing to herself a little, and glaring around at
the fools. Janey runs over, followed by Lisa.
JANEY : HEY! Mom!
She snaps her fingers in front of FAKE MOM's face until she stops
laughing and notices Janey.
FAKE MOM (doesn't know Janey) : OH! Dear... you, you're out of school
already... dear?
JANEY : Yeah. I brought Lisa over to have a look at your sale (whisper)
like you asked... (normal) Um, isn't it a bit busy around here?
FAKE MOM : Oh, it's to be expected when a shop this size opens... (she
looks carefully at Lisa) I had a hunch you girls would come over, I've
been saving a special piece for you...
She heads over behind the jewelry counter, and points out a (genuine)
pearl necklace.
FAKE MOM : This is a genuine, high quality pearl necklace. Normally it
would sell for at least $89.99, but since it's a sale and since it's
you, Lisa, I could let it go for maybe... $9.99, including tax.
LISA : What? That's cheap! How can you make money like that?
FAKE MOM : Well, you wouldn't believe the markup we normally have on
these things.
LISA : Hm... I'm not usually the type to buy jewelry... but it is a
great necklace! And it's a great bargain too!
Lisa gets a purse from in her bag, and starts counting out money.
LISA : 5 dollars... 5.75... Hm. (depressed) Sorry, I don't have
enough... I'd better leave it till later...
FAKE MOM (disappointed) : Oh... that's a shame. Well, I'll keep it for
you.
LISA : Thanks. I'll probably come back for it...
FAKE MOM : Okay! (to self) Koises, foiled again!
Lisa wanders off to have a look around the rest of the shop.
CUT TO :
SWEET COUNTER
RALPH stands looking at the sweets, holding his voucher in his hand.
He licks his lips.
RALPH : Oooh, sweets!
He glances away, and the gun counter placed right next to the sweets
catches his eye. There's a gun with the price tag "SALE : $9.99."
Ralph's attention wavers back and forth between the sweets and the gun
for a while, before he fixates on the gun. A GENERIC TEEN watches him
carefully.
RALPH : Oooh, a gun like Daddy's!
TEEN : Uh, are you over 21?
RALPH : I don't know. But I have a thing Daddy gave me.
Ralph hands the teen a note.
TEEN (reading) : This is my son. Refuse him a sale at your own risk!
Signed - Police Chief Wiggum. (looks around nervously) Uh, I'll have to
ask my manager...
He walks off, leaving Ralph looking at the gun. Lisa sees Ralph looking
up at it, sees the voucher in his hand, and gasps.
LISA : Ralph? What are you going to buy?
RALPH (pointing up) : That gun's just like Daddy's.
Zoom in to Lisa's forehead.
LISA (thinking) : Uh oh... Ralph with a gun, not a good idea... gotta
think of something.
Zoom back out. Lisa looks around, and looks at the sweet rack. She
grabs a candy bar.
LISA (persuasive) : Ralph, I'll buy you a Mars Bar if you give me that
voucher...
RALPH : Really? Oh boy!
Lisa buys him the candy, gets the voucher, and he skips off happily.
Janey walks up behind Lisa.
JANEY : Lisa, that was cruel.
LISA : Oh come on, do you think it would be a good idea to let him buy
a gun?
JANEY : No, but you didn't have to take his money.
LISA : If I hadn't, he would have got one anyway. Besides, it would
have been my prize anyway if I hadn't stopped to help that cat.
CUT TO :
JEWELLRY COUNTER
Lisa hands the voucher over to Fake Mom.
FAKE MOM : Thank you Lisa... you don't know how happy you've made me...
Fake mom puts the necklace in a case, and gives it to Lisa. Janey and
Lisa start to head for the door.
LISA : Wow, I can't believe I got a real pearl necklace for 10 dollars!
All the other SHOPPERS freeze.
MRS KRABAPPEL : Ten dollars?
MS HOOVER : Ten bucks?
LUANNE VAN HOUTEN : What a deal!
The shop turns into a frenzy as everyone descends onto one counter.
Lisa and Janey sprint for the door and eventually end up having to
crawl out of the shop. They head outside.
LISA : Janey... your mom's crazy.
JANEY : I think I agree with you, Lisa.
EXT : SPRINGFIELD STREET (DAY)
LISA is walking down the street by herself now...
LISA : Well, that was a little strange... but it was a great deal. I
can't wait to get home and try this on!
She starts to run. As she goes, the BLACK CAT from the parking lot
looks at her from around the corner...
CAT (thinking) : So this is Lisa Simpson?
CUT TO :
SIMPSON HOUSE, GROUND FLOOR HALLWAY
The front door opens, and LISA enters.
LISA (shout) : MOM! I'm home!
MARGE (Shouts from OS) : Okay! Don't go far, dinner will be ready soon!
LISA (shout) : Okay!
She runs upstairs.
CUT TO :
LISA'S ROOM
Lisa enters and closes the door behind her. She sits at her dresser,
removes her normal fake-pearl necklace, and puts her new one on. It
looks slightly different from the fake one, a bit better. She admires
her reflection for a moment.
LISA : Wow, it really is genuine... it's shinier, and heavier than my
usual one... but why do I feel tired all of a sudden?
MARGE (Shout from OS) : LISA! Dinner is ready!
LISA : Hm, I had better not wear this to dinner, I don't want to wear
it out or risk Bart breaking it...
She removes the necklace, sets it in its box, and puts her old one on.
LISA : Coming! (to self) hm, I feel better already...
CUT TO :
MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE WAL-MART...
The shoppers are looking a bit more tired...
MRS KRBAPPEL : This is strange... I feel dizzy...
HELEN LOVEJOY : I just want to sleep...
AGNES SKINNER : I want some more... (collapses)
JANEY looks around at everyone passing out.
JANEY : What's going on? Everyone's falling ill. Mom, I think something
is wrong!
SUSPENCEFUL SHOT of FAKE MOM
JANEY : Mom?
FAKE MOM turns around. She looks a teensy bit more evil than before.
Janey gasps.
CUT TO :
SIMPSON DINNER TABLE
The family sit around the table, eating. HOMER looks up at LISA and
BART.
HOMER : Okay, I got a phone call from Skinner reminding me that it's
Bart's report card day today, so quit stalling boy, hand it over.
Bart groans, and hands the card over.
HOMER : Now lets see... F,F,D,D-,D+,D+... you got a HA in Cookies? Why
you little! If you're going to rely on sucking up, you should at least
do it well!
BART : Sorry Dad... I'll follow a recipe next time.
HOMER : You'd better boy. Okay Lisa, lets see yours...
LISA hands it over.
HOMER : Ah, much better. A+,A+,A+,A,A... F? you got an F? How could you
get an F in P.E? Even I got better marks in P.E!
LISA : But Dad... I got A's in every other subject! Bart didn't get
anything better than a D and you only yelled at him on the cookies!
BART : Hey, do you mind? I'm sensitive about my culinary failure!
HOMER : Lisa, haven't I told you often enough that a good P.E. mark is
the easy road to instant popularity? You need to concentrate less on
learning stuff and more on making people like you!
LISA : What? That's... ludicrous! As if there's anything I could do to
magically make everyone like me! I'm no good at sports!
HOMER : Well, you should get good!
LISA : But...
HOMER : No buts. Go to your room, and run on the spot or something!
CUT TO :
LISA'S ROOM
Lisa enters, in a bad mood.
LISA : Stupid sports... why do they think I have to be good at
everything? I can make friends no problem... I've got my brains, I'm
friendly, and I can play music too! (She looks over at the stand with
her saxophone) Yeah right, run on the spot... I'll just quietly
practice my sax.
She gets the sax, and starts to play.
SFX : A creak, as the window opens a crack. But Lisa doesn't hear. She
just sits on her bed playing, and then looks down at the bed. The BLACK
CAT is there.
LISA : Hey... how did you get in here? You must be one clever cat to
follow me like this...
CAT (young feminine voice) : Thanks. You play really well, by the way.
Lisa just gapes at the cat for a moment, before screaming, and
springing over to the other side of the bed, where she peeks over the
top at the cat.
LISA : AAAAGH! A talking cat? What the heck?
CAT : Oh! Sorry to scare you. My name is Luna. I've been looking for
you for a very long time, Lisa.
Lisa just hides behind the bed, looking at the cat.
LUNA : Ah... thank you for getting rid of the band aids. Someone put
them on me to trick me, I couldn't talk with them covering my crescent
moon birthmark. It was pretty cruel, but it did mean I found you, so it
wasn't all bad. Anyway, nice to meet you.
Luna walks toward Lisa. Lisa just stares at her.
LISA : Wow... I must be hallucinating! Maybe that sickness I felt
earlier was really something bad!
LUNA : Hey! I'm not a hallucination! I'm a real cat!
LISA : Yeah? Real cats can't talk! I should know, I have one!
LUNA : Well, I'm not an ordinary cat, of course!
LISA : Of course! You're an imaginary one caused by a high temperature
or something!
LUNA : I am not!
LISA : Are too!
LUNA : Am not!
LISA : Are too!
LUNA : Oh, this is ridiculous!
LISA : You think so? You're not the one talking to a cat!
LUNA : Oh... look, just give me a chance, okay? All will become clear,
I promise.
LISA : Well... sorry, but I think I had better get some medicine from
my mom.
LUNA : Don't go... wait, I know. You were feeling fine when I met you
this morning, weren't you?
LISA : Yeah... but you weren't doing anything unusual then!
LUNA : You think cats doing 7 foot backflips onto car roofs is normal?
LISA (overwhelmed) : um... okay, okay. I'll stay. But this better be
good.
LUNA : Oh, I know it is. HERE!
Luna does a big twirly backflip, and a sparkling item appears at the
apex of the flip. It falls onto Lisa's bed - it's a gold brooch.
LUNA : Here, a present for you.
LISA : Wow, more jewelry. It looks expensive... is it really for me?
LUNA : Yes, only you can use it. Lisa, you might not have noticed, but
a lot of strange things have been happening all over Springfield
recently.
LISA : What, you mean all those mysterious deaths? The ones were nobody
can find any cause of death except exhaustion?
LUNA : Yes, those deaths.
LISA : Bart and I had been looking into some of them... a lot of the
time we're more likely to solve the case than the police are.
LUNA : That's good... that's a great start! Lisa, you have been chosen
to be a soldier in the battle against the people causing these deaths!
LISA : What? Chosen by who? Who would choose an 8-year-old?
LUNA : Fate.
LISA : Um, okay... MOM!
LUNA : Lisa! What, don't you believe me?
LISA : Of, of course I do, imaginary fever cat. But I really think I
should have some medicine!
LUNA : (sigh) : Lisa... I know you don't need to believe me, but I can
prove this... please, hold up the brooch and say "MOOON PRISIMU POWA -
MAKE UP!"
Lisa just stares at Luna.
LISA : Moon prism power - make up?
LUNA (defensive) : Hey, I didn't decide on the phrase, okay. Just say
the stupid words.
LISA : Uh, sure I will... (at door) MOMM!
LUNA (sigh) : Please Lisa, I'm begging you... if it does nothing I'll
leave.
Lisa looks at Luna, and sighs.
LISA : Oh, alright. (grabs brooch, poses) MOOON PRISIMU POWA - MAKE UP!
Nothing happens.
LISA : There! I knew it! (suddenly, with a SWISH her dress morphs into
a leotard. She jerks into an odd pose in shock) AGH! (SWISH and jerk as
her shoes become knee-high boots) Waugh! (SWISH and jerk as elbow-
length gloves appear) Eek! (SWISH and jerk as tiara and earrings appear)
What? (SWISH and salute-pose as the skirt and bows appear) Woah! What on
earth? (falls over onto her butt) Ow! Hey, my clothes! (angry) What the
heck have you done to my clothes? What is this?
LUNA : Lisa, you have been chosen to be a soldier for Justice. You are
Sailor Moon!
(NOTE : When she is Sailor Moon, Lisa will be referred to as MOON-LISA)
MOON-LISA : How can I be a soldier if I look more like a sailor?
LUNA : That's not important right now...
MOON-LISA : Yes it is, I look like an idiot! (angry, dives at Luna)
Give me my red dress back!
LUNA : Agh! Sailor Moon! What are you doing?
Luna dives out of the way onto Lisa's desk. As she lands, she dislodges
the box with the new pearl necklace, which falls out and onto the
ground. The evil mist that is drawn into it can clearly be seen.
LUNA : What is this?
MOON-LISA : (gasp)
LUNA : Sailor Moon! We must destroy this necklace!
Luna leaps down, claws unsheathed, and cuts the string between some of
the pearls. Moon-Lisa grabs something heavy and smashes it down on the
necklace a few times, breaking some of the pearls. As Moon-Lisa removes
the heavy object, the mist dies away.
MOON-LISA : What on earth was that?
LUNA : That necklace must have come from the Dark Kingdom! I'm sure
that, if you had worn that, it would have started to steal your life
energy for the Dark Kingdom's evil schemes!
MOON-LISA : What? Is that why I felt a little faint before?
LUNA : I would bet it is.
MOON-LISA : But... if all the jewellery in the store were like this...
dozens of people could die!
LUNA : Yes! You must do something Sailor Moon!
Moon-Lisa gapes at Luna.
MOON-LISA : Me? What can I do? We need to call the police!
LUNA : Normal people can't fight youmas! Only certain people can, and
you are one of them. As one of the Sailor Soldiers, it's your
responsibility to help these people, Sailor Moon!
MOON-LISA : Hm... all right. What do we need to do?
LUNA : We must head for that new store right away!
Luna heads over to the open window and leaps out. Lisa watches her.
MOON-LISA (shout) : But I can't go outside dressed like this! (to self)
Or jump out of a window for that matter... (sigh) this is getting
weirder all the time. Well, here we go...
She jumps out the window and runs across the garden chasing Luna. They
both clear the fence at the end in one jump.
INT : THE EVIL WAL-MART, NIGHT
All of the SHOPPERS are here, now completely passed out. FAKE MOM is
here too, holding JANEY by her throat two feet from the floor.
JANEY (struggle) : Huh... ggh... mom, why, what are you doing...
FAKE MOM : I'm not your mother. She is tied up in the basement!
JANEY (struggle) : But... who... ugh...
FAKE MOM : You don't see to be affected ... oh, you didn't buy
anything! Well, I know exactly what to do with you.
MOON-LISA (OS) : Stop right there!
Quick pan to the door, where Moon-Lisa and Luna stand.
FAKE MOM : Who are you?
MOON-LISA (hesitates) : Um... I'm... (poses) I am the pretty soldier
(pose) of love and justice (pose) Sailor Moon! (pose) In the name of
the moon (pose) I'll punish you! (pose, pose)
LUNA : Wow, she's catching on fast...
FAKE MOM : Sailor Moon? A bit smaller than expected, but that doesn't
matter! I'll teach you to mess with the powers of the Dark Kingdom!
Close-up of Fake Mom as she morphs into MORGUE. Morgue is a zombielike
youma, somewhat androgynous, with stretched gray skin, no nose to speak
of, and long and decidedly evil black hair.
Luna gasps in shock, Moon-Lisa screams in horror.
MOON-LISA : It's Michael Jackson!
LUNA : No Sailor Moon, it's the youma that's caused this! You must
destroy it!
MORGUE : You can try, little girl! Attention shoppers, we have a blue
light special on dead wannabe heroes!
All the SHOPPERS get up, possessed my Morgue.
MOON-LISA : Hey, what's wrong with you? (to MORGUE) What have you done
to them?
She doesn't get an answer, as AGNES SKINNER charges at Moon-Lisa.
Moon-Lisa screams and tries to run, but Agnes manages to get a grip of
her ankle.
AGNES (groaning) : Seymour... come... and... help... me... hold...
her... down...
PRINCIPAL SKINNER (groaning) : Coming... mother...
Skinner tries to shamble over, Zombie style, but Moon-Lisa manages to
pull free before he gets there.
AGNES (groaning) : You... call... that... shuffling??? That's... the...
worst... shuffling... I've... ever...
SKINNER (groaning) : But... Mother...
Moon-Lisa ignores them and runs further into the shop away from the
crowd. But MRS KRABAPPEL and MS HOOVER block her way.
MRS KRABAPPEL (groaning) : You... should... not... disobey... your...
elders! 10... years... detention!
MS HOOVER (groaning) : Write... 10000... lines! "This... is... not...
appropriate... clothing!"
MOON-LISA : Detention and lines? But I'm a model student!
Moon-Lisa is paralyzed in shock.
HOOVER/KRABAPPEL (groaning) : We... have... her... now!
They dive at Moon-Lisa, attempting to grab her. But she manages to jump
backwards and they fall on the floor. She jumps over their bodies and
keeps running. Morgue covers it's eyes with a hand.
MORGUE : My Queen, these slaves are useless... unless... (turns to
CLETUS) You, redneck! Here's the key to the gun cabinet!
CLETUS (groaning) : Yee... haw...
CUT TO :
COUNTER
Moon-Lisa squats behind a counter.
MOON-LISA : What's happened to them? That monster must be controlling
them. It's a good thing they're not very fast or they'd already have me
by now.
LUNA runs up to her.
LUNA : What are you doing sitting here, Sailor Moon? Get out there and
destroy that youma!
MOON-LISA : But how can I? You never told me that bit!
LUNA : ... okay, so I didn't. Just remove your tiara, and throw it at
the youma while shouting "Mooon Tiarra Acshon!"
MOON-LISA : Moon Tiara Action? (pause, yells) MOM! MOMM! Come wake me
up!
LUNA : For goodness sake girl, I'm being perfectly serious!
MOON-LISA : That's hard to believe right now...
LUNA : Look, the "Mooon Prisimu Powa, make up!" worked, didn't it? So
trust me a little, Sailor Moon! I'm not a hallucination or anything,
and those people it's controlling are dying!
Moon-Lisa thinks to herself for a moment, and turns to Luna.
MOON-LISA : Okay...
She stands, and looks over the counter.
MOON-LISA : Okay Youma, set these people free or I will AGGH!
We see Cletus looking at her down the barrel of a shotgun. Moon-Lisa
freezes in fright. Close-up of Cletus's finger pulling the trigger...
The gun fires, but in a blur something slams into the side of the gun,
forcing it over a bit to the left. Cut to Moon-Lisa, who appears to be
in shock. There are some holes in the wall a few inches to her right,
and the shot has clipped the end off a hair spike. It falls to the
ground.
MOON-LISA : What was that?
Show the shotgun. A rose is in it, the stem having passed through the
barrel. Everyone follows the path of the rose and looks up. A second-
story window is open, and a MAN stands in it. He wears a tuxedo, cape,
mask and top hat, and carries a cane.
MAN : I am Tuxedo Kamen! You can't win if you don't have faith in your
powers Sailor Moon! Just trust the damn cat already... (looks closer)
hang on a moment, are you...?
He jumps down from the window, landing next to Moon-Lisa. She has her
hands clasped together, and is looking up at him with starry eyes.
MOON-LISA : You saved me!
TUXEDO KAMEN (bends down and looks closely): You're a bit... uh...
younger than expected...
MOON-LISA : Is your name Corey?
TUXEDO KAMEN (shudder) : Uh, no. (to self) This is my love-interest?
Even I have limits... (to Moon-Lisa, embarrassed) Well, good luck!
Gotta go!
He jumps back up to the window, and leaves.
MOON-LISA : Hey, where are you going?
MORGUE (OS) : (cough) Are you done yet?
Show Morgue and some of the possessed people sitting around having
coffee.
MOON-LISA : Um, I guess so...
MORGUE : Good. Prepare to meet your death, Sailor Moon!
Morgue stands and stretches out her arms, which get longer so that her
hands are stretching towards Moon-Lisa rapidly.
LUNA : Do it now Sailor Moon!
MOON-LISA : Okay!
CUT TO :
REPETITIVE CUT-'N'-PASTE TIARA ATTACK
Moon-Lisa appears before a trippy background with bubbles and stuff in
it. Close-up of her tiara. She picks it off her head, and POSES. Then
she holds it in front of her and SPINS twice on one leg. The tiara
starts to glow becoming a disc of white light. She POSES.
MOON-LISA : MOOON TIARRA ACSHUN!
She throws the tiara/disc like a frisbee.
CUT TO :
WAL-MART
Morgue screams as the tiara heads straight for her. There is a large
explosion of white light as it hits.
MOON-LISA : Wow! That's incredible!
Morgue crumbles into dust.
CUT TO :
A REALLY DARK PLACE
JIMBOITE's ball of energy suddenly dissipates as it's returned to its
owners.
JIMBOITE : Oh no, the Queen ain't gonna be happy about this... that
wiener Morgue must have failed.
INT : LISA'S ROOM - NIGHT
MOON-LISA flops down back-first onto her bed, exhausted. Her uniform
glows for a moment before turning back into her red dress.
LISA : I can't believe I really did that... It's impossible, isn't it?
LUNA : Not at all, and you did it really well too! Great job Lisa, you
saved all these people!
LISA : Huh, I guess I did! It was weird and embarrassing, but it worked
pretty well. I'm just glad those people probably won't have any memory
of me in that silly costume.
LUNA : Oh, don't worry about that. Nobody, not even your closest
friends and family will ever recognize you as Sailor Moon.
LISA : Why not?
LUNA : Plot convenience.
LISA : Ah. So... was that the only youma, or will there be more enemies
like it?
LUNA : I'm afraid there will almost certainly be more. We've got a long
battle ahead of us, Lisa.
FADE TO BLACK
LISA (voice over) : Luna was right. It seemed like from that point on,
a new youma appeared every few days to set up a new con and steal
people's energy. They must have tried everything...
Show still picture of Moon-Lisa fighting a batlike youma in the
broadcast mast of KBBL Talk Radio.
LISA (voiceover) : hijacking radio stations...
Picture of Moon-Lisa running on a fast treadmill as a Youma laughs at
her.
LISA (voiceover) : taking over fitness clubs...
Pic of Moon-Lisa gasping at Bart, who is holding a nasty looking guinea
pig.
LISA (voiceover) : even selling possessed animals. It was hard work,
sometimes I wound up staying up really late to destroy a youma.
Fortunately, I got an ally pretty soon.
Continued in Part 2
GKScotty
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