In a message dated 9/7/02 5:37:34 PM Eastern Daylight Time, Kyhdin@aol.com
writes:
Warning: slightly tasteless C&C to follow the following:
Warning. The following is the result of an idea that was dreamed up by
three
guys in a car while cruising mountain roads. No Alchoholic Beverages were
involved.
Oh. My. Ghod.
<grabs author by lapels and begins shaking him violently>
Elder, Younger, and Infantile Ghods, Man, haven't you LEARNED by NOW?!?
Never, *never,* NEVER EVER write fics without at least the token involvement
of Alcholholic beverages! Do you have any idea of what you've DONE!?!?!
You have been warned.
And the Miskatonic University Archivists thank you. They *almost* filed
this in the medium-security section of the library! <whew>
Compliments warm the heart......
Criticisim Strengthens the Soul.....
Flames Shall Be Used As Target Practice. :-)
And wiseass comments shall be mined for humor material...
"Just so we don't have any unfortunate accidents, like with the
Splugorthians, you ARE Tenchi Masaki, correct?"
"YES... ahem, yes... that's me. I'm Tenchi. And what are Splugorthians?"
"Extinct."
-Bishonen Muyo OAV#1
Okay. Now I'm going to have to go read that one, darn you.
Mihoshi had an...affliction. One of those afflictions that nice girls
didn't
talk about.
Ever.
Acute Blondeness? <ducks blunt objects from certain segments of the FFML>
Unfortunutly, while the nanites in her body protected her against a wide
SP: Unfortunately.
range of diseases, ills, poisons, and pathogens, they did not protect
against
this. Why should they? They had been designed by a man, and men did not
think
about such things.
We don't?
Ever.
Oh, one of THOSE things. Well, actually, we *do* think about them
sometimes -- usually followed by a major shudder, a heartfelt prayer of
thanks that we're guys, and then a sincere attempt to forget the whole thing.
(What can I say? Spending three yeares in charge of...certain
sections... of a drugstore does strange things to your perspective...)
And so Mihoshi, in need of relief, had gone to Washu only to be told to
return in a few hours, which she did.
Since Washu didn't have anything on hand, given that *she* never suffers
from such problems....
"Um, Washu? About my..." She made a downward motion with her hand.
"Hm? Over there on the table," Washu said, indicating a nearby table. Her
eyes were focused on the screen in front of her and she obviously asorbed
in
whatever scientific marvel was onscreen. "The white colored lotion in the
bottle."
Cue Ominous Thunder.
"Thanks!" Mihoshi chirped, going over to the table and then leaving.
The computer made on odd sound, and Washu grinned. "Yes! Tetris!"
.....of course.
Later, the scientist wandered over the table and frowned. Where was it?
"Oh
well," she said, grinning devilishly. "I'll just have to obtain another
sample."
I had a hunch before, but that clinches it. Oh, poor Mihoshi.
**************
One Month Later...
Mihoshi groaned, resting her chin on the table.
"How are you feeling, Mihoshi?" Sasami asked, changing the ice pack on top
of the blonde's head.
You know, I can *see* this, animated just like the OVA.
"Horrible," was the reply. "It's all a blur."
Washu: You weren't supposed to use it on your *eyes,* Bubblehead!
"Serves you right," Ayeka said. "You shouldn't have gone drinking with
Ryoko
last night."
"Excuse me? Princess, you were knocking them back two at a time."
"I was not!"
Ryoko held up a photo and the morning fight promptly ensued.
Wasting away again, down in Tenchiville...
Mihoshi ran to the bathroom and they could hear her heaving breakfast into
the toilet.
Sasami: So much for trying to duplicate Akane Tendo's winning "Iron
Chef" dish...
For the next week, every morning, Mihoshi threw up and Washu finally
dragged
her into her lab for an examination. When they emerged, Washu was pale and
Mihoshi was grinning from ear to ear like the Chesire Cat.
Rep of "her" Sug: "...dragged her into THE lab..."
Sasami: Washu? Where's Mihoshi? And why is there a big set of teeth
floating along beside you?
"Well?" Tenchi asked. "Is she okay?"
Judging from the size of her smile, either she's better than okay, or
we're going to need a straightjacket in about seven seconds...
Washu's mouth opened and closed a few times. "She...she..." Washu began
but
was cut off as Mihoshi loudly exclaimed;
I *think* that should be a colon, rather than a semicolon.
"I'm pregnant!"
Even Ryo-Oki fainted.
Yeah, but what about Sasami?
****************
Six months later....
"In this envelope," Washu announced one evening after dinner. "Is the
identidy of the father of Mihoshi's baby!"
SP: Identity.
The three men at the table stiffened and then as one, everyone turned to
stare at Nobiyuki.
That's...different. Although you realize, now somebody's gonna write a
Nobiyuki/Mihoshi fic. Tenchi calling Mihoshi "Mother"...the mind boggles.
"I didn't do it!" he qauiled, shrinking away from their gaze.
SP: Quailed.
With a flourish, Washu tore the envelope open, unfolded the paper within
and
stared at it for a moment. Then she smiled and snickered softly.
That's a bad sign.
"Well?" Ryoko and Ayeka demanded. "Who is it?"
"Inconclusive," Washu said and tore the paper to shreds, which promptly
vanished.
HUH?? Okay, either Washu is deliberately not letting the cat out of the
bag, or else she's been doing some "sample mixing" that I *really* don't want
to think about...
"Tell me, Miss Washu," Ayeka said softly. "You are the greatest genius in
the universe. You have technology beyond the understanding of most mortals
at
your command..." She reached over the table and grabbed the scientist by
her
shirt. "SO HOW CAN A SIMPLE DNA SCAN BE 'INCONCLUSIVE'?"
That was my reaction...although even *I* know better than to manhandle
Washu.
Even later on, after all the fuss had died down, Ayeka would still be at a
loss to explain how she wound up on the roof of the shrine after she
grabbed
Washu's shirt.
And that's why.
****************
It had been a grueling fifteen month wait. By the end, Mihoshi's normally
cheerful mood had vanished completly to be replaced by a foul tempered
hellion who's screeching cries echoed throughout the house, carying
complaints, prayers, and curses upon the father of her child.
FIFTEEN MONTHS?!? You realize, you've just earned yourself a death
sentence from every woman who ever reads this fic? Oy...
But finally, one morning, the house was awakened by a new sound.
Not gonna say it...
A baby's cries.
Well, at least is wasn't Mihoshi begging to be put out of her misery.
(There, I said it. Happy now?).
I bet Washu has the best supply of painkillers and epidurals in the
universe...
Sasami was the first to reach the living room, where a very tired Mihoshi
sat on the couch, cradling a small bundle and smiling weakly. Washu sat
next to
her, looking extremly proud. "It's a boy!" The scientist announced as
Sasami
bounded onto the couch.
Yeah, but is it human? Or, Juraian, or whatever-the-heck Mihoshi is?
"Oh, how cute," Sasami exclaimed, peering inside the bundle. "He looks
just
like Tenchi!"
Aaaaaand, the fuse is lit.
In unison, the left eyebrows of Ryoko and Ayeka began to twitch...
It's not a question of "will the situation explode," as much as a
question of "when" and "how bad *this* time"...
--
David McMillan, Imagineer at Large.
Chief Systems Analyst and Integration Engineer, Exotic Technologies Division,
<Censored> GmBh. Mecha and Weapons Design Specialist.
"Agent Mulder? My name is Neo. I believe I may be able to show you part of
the truth you've been searching for. I should warn you, however -- it's not
what you think."
--
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