"Sounds like a challenge, Ranma m'boy!" the man cackled.
"Your father Genma may

,Genma,

You sure? He's not being addressed, so I'm not positive it's neccessary.

    ** I agree with you.  Nothing wrong with the sentence as written.

        The man leapt backwards, his arms crossed before his face.
In slow motion, his braid seemed to leap across his shoulder,
trailing in front of him as he flew backwards, then, as Happosai's
projectile struck the earth and detonated, the braid flipped over
Ranma's shoulder and fluttered behind him. His hair only came to
rest when Ranma landed on the far side of the lawn on both knees and
one hand, wincing. Happosai landed on the lawn, and chuckled for a
moment, before producing three more of the spheres from his gi.

it does seem a bit wordy for the action that just happened. Could be just
me, though.

I like the imagery, but I was going for something along the lines of
Hitokiri/Kenshin for Ranma's normal state and his current state. Not
sure if it worked, though. Consensus?

    ** I understood the idea that he sealed the Anything Goes techniques,
but see my note below for the whole opinion.

        Kintaro had shown him the basics, but Ranma had always felt
that Kintaro's martial arts simply weren't up to par with Anything
Goes.

Only because he didn't put his mind to it. He could come up with anything,
given time.

Actually.... This is very important.

Later.

    ** The thing that bothers me a little is that you don't use the
Nichiezu-based techniques consistently in this story.  He kept the Mouko
Takabisha (admittedly, a technique that is purely his) and the Hiryuu Shoten
Ha, but not the Kachuu Tenshin Amaguriken?  That was his very first special
technique, and had nothing to do with Happousai or Anything Goes.  Why would
he use the HSH but not the Amaguriken?  Did you drop it so that Seta would
have a chance at beating him?

   Ja mata,
   Larry F

   The Lost Library of Florestica:
   http://rakhal.com/florestica/

   La Biblioteca Perdida de Phantasia:
   http://phantasiaca.tripod.com



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