First of all, this is my first C&C, and I haven't written a fic yet, but I
think this shows some promise, so I'll give it a try.
Also, feel free to take what you like and ignore the rest.
From: Scott Jamison <majks@yahoo.com>
To: ffml@anifics.com
Subject: [FFML] [fic] [Eva/Ranma] Could Be Worse : Part One Date: Tue, 9
Jul 2002 20:19:27 -0700 (PDT)
This will be in "parts" rather than "chapters" since I'm going
to skip over the bits that are just like regular Eva.
Well, I'd recomend not to do this. Sure, most people (if not all) on the
list probably know the story by now, but you'd be leaving the people who
don't know it without some important info. Also, to assume that even parts
of the story remain unchanged despite the changes you make is unrealistic,
and will limit your ability to play around with characterization and still
write a believable fic. I don't remember any examples of the bat, but I'll
mark them in the fic. Still, this holds true for any kind of story.
PREVIOUSLY: Ranma and Akane got married and had children; Souun
died; Gendou's brother refused to take in Shinji; Genma convinced
Gendou to let him take care of Shinji.
Ok. I'm assuming that you did take care to explain this in a prologue that I
may have deleted without reading. You probably want to put the URL where
previous parts can be found around here, or say that people can e-mail you
and ask for it so they have a better understanding of WHY would someone like
Gendo give his son to someone like Genma. Sure, it's obvious he doesn't care
for Shinji, but I doubt he hates him so much ^_^ . Oh, if you don't have a
webpage, there are lots of fanfic archives specialized in crossovers that
accept submissions (one of my favourites is Ranchan & Co. Crossing Bridges,
by Tannim http://tannim.anifics.com/)
COULD BE WORSE
by Scott K. Jamison
Ranma 1/2 and its associated characters created by Rumiko Takahashi;
Neo Genesis Evangelion and its associated characters owned by Gainax.
Part One: Ticket to Ride
The slim boy with a detached look on his face swiped his
calling card through the telephone reader. "Yo, Auntie N! I'm
here in Tokyo-3, but no one else is. The place is deserted.
You sure this is where I was supposed to go?"
Maybe it would be better to start with "A slim boy...", as untill this
moment, we didn't know the boy existed.
He nodded. "Okay. Uncle Genma there now?" Suddenly, the
boy stiffened. He felt someone watching him. "Gotta go!"
The boy hung up as he whirled around. Nearly two blocks
down the deserted street, there was a figure that was likely
female (though the boy's experience told him that appearances
were deceptive) given it was wearing a blue dress. He couldn't
make out any facial features from this distance, but she looked
to have short blue hair and pale skin.
"Hey! Are you here for me? Where is everybody?"
The figure showed no sign of having heard.
The boy started running towards the figure, but he'd got no
further than ten yards than he heard the sound of a poorly-tuned
engine, and a loud honking behind him.
I always thought the car was fairly new, and considering Misato's driving
style, I'd expect her car to be in top condition to be able to keep up with
it. Of course, this isn't central to the plot, so I probably shouldn't worry
about it.
He turned to see a late-model car, somewhat battered-looking,
with a woman stepping out of it, who he instantly recognized as the
one he was supposed to meet.
" a late-model car," is confusing, at least for me. I'm not sure if it is
the right expression. Coupled with the previous paragraph, it makes me think
of an old car.
"Hi, Shinji Ikari? I'm Captain Misato Kitsuragi, of NERV.
Why were you running away from the rendezvous point?"
"I was going to meet that girl," Shinji replied, pointing
in the direction he'd been running.
"What girl?"
Sure enough, when Shinji looked, the girl was gone. He
wasn't overly surprised; quite a few people he knew were good at
disappearing. He shrugged.
"Shouldn't be anyone out, there's an alert on," commented
Misato. "I'm only here because you were called in before the
alert started."
"Alert? For what? And do you know why the old man called
me in?"
"Commander Ikari is your father, shouldn't you be a little
more respectful?" There was a shaking in the ground. "And I
think you'll see what the alert was about if you look left. No,
my left."
"Wow."
* * *
I've never seen the first episode of the anime series, but, at least in the
manga, the car ride was rather important to show us the kind of feelings
Shinji had for his father. I doubt this scene would have remained unchanged
if Shinji was raised by Genma.
"Neat! Upside-down buildings!"
Misato smiled. The boy was a good bit more insolent than
she would have liked, but at least he was still a little impressible.
Why is he more insolent? What has he done? What did she expect? These are
details you probably shouldn't leave out of the story, as it isn't only the
battles that make a story interseting; specially in the case of Evangelion.
Character development is very important as well.
"This is where the buildings of Tokyo-3 retract to
during an Angel attack. I'm glad to see it actually works; a
drill isn't always a good test."
"Okay." Shinji paused. "Hey, this is Tokyo-3, right, and
the original city was pretty much Tokyo-1. So what happened to
Tokyo-2?"
"That's classi--" replied Misato automatically. "No, you're in
NERV now, you should be cleared for this. They built Tokyo-2, it was
completed--and then the whole thing vanished without a trace.
Buildings, vehicles, equipment and all. Good thing only Commander
Sinclair was in there. He was in charge of NERV before your father."
Whoa! BIG change there. You might want to tell that this is an alternate
universe in the header or disclaimer, or you are liable to get nitpicked as
you are about to be right now:
Tokyo 2 didn't dissapear. On the other hand, Nerv's second branch (not sure,
too lazy to reach my shelve and check) did dissapear while testing the N2
organ, but that didn't happen 'till later in the series.
Not to mention, Gendo was always Nerv's commander, since the organisation
was called Gehrin before.
"Oh, yeah, my old man. So, why's he bothering to admit I
exist?"
Misato shook her head. Little brat. "You'll see when we
get there, Shinji. It's not easily explainable."
"...Right."
* * *
"Are you sure you're not related to the Hibikis?" asked
Shinji, as Misato finally realized they'd passed the same
corridor intersection three times.
Heh! Interesting thought... ^_^
"Hold that thought," said Misato, hitting a quick-dial button on
her cell phone. "Hello, Ritsuko? We're a little lost, and--"
There was a whooshing sound as a door opened behind them.
Shinji turned to see a blonde woman in a lab coat, carrying a cell
phone. He noted that she smelled of chlorinated water, and her coat
was a little damp.
"Honestly, Misato, you'd lose your head if it wasn't
attached." The woman turned to Shinji and gave a polite smile.
"You must be the Commander's son. I'm Doctor Akagi, and I'm
very pleased to meet you."
"Yo, Doc. You can call me Shinji."
"Shinji, then. This way to the hangar."
* * *
The room was dominated by a huge purple parody of an
armored man, festooned with hoses. Ritsuko pointed proudly to
it.
"Evangelion Unit-01, mankind's weapon against the invading
Angels!"
"...Angels?"
"The big monster that shrugged off an N2 mine," explained
Misato, "we call it an Angel."
Well, not the original way of putting it, but doesn't matter.
"Okay, so you built a big robot to fight off invading
aliens, like one of those TV cartoons. Why isn't it out there
doing its job?"
Ritsuko said, "We were just waiting for the pilot to arrive."
Shinji got a sinking feeling in the pit of his abdomen.
"And this pilot would be?"
"You, Shinji," said a voice only slightly warmer than liquid
helium. "You will pilot Unit-01."
Shinji looked up. On the far side of the hangar bay from
Unit-01, the wall was glass about 3 meters up, allowing a view
>from some sort of control center. Visible in that window was a
forbidding-looking man in tinted glasses. Fortunately, Shinji
had seen pictures of the man, or he would never have recognized
his father.
"You're telling me you want *me* to control that monstrosity,
old man?"
Gendou's expression didn't change. "Yes."
Shinji dashed across the intervening space, leapt two meters up,
then scrambled the rest of the way so that his face was level with
his father's through the window. Ritsuko and Misato gasped; Gendou
might have blinked, but it was hard to tell behind the tinting.
Since you used yards before, I'm guessing your not used to metric. While
jumping 2 meters straight up is a lot for anyone, a height of 3 meters isn't
really all that high, at least not for an observation deck on top of a robot
(that I guess measures about 100 meters, though I never did read its height
in meters). Besides, Gendo is a megalomanial narcicist control-freak, so
obviously, he want's to be even higher. I'd guess the height would be closer
to 10/15 meters.
As a sidenote, if Shinji was able to endure the same training that Ranma
did, then this height wouldn't be much of a problem, and he could always
jump to the head of the Eva and from there to the observation deck.
You could also just ignore me.
"Yo, old man, if you wanted me to be a giant robot pilot,
wouldn't it have been a good idea to have someone *train* me in
mecha piloting first?!"
There was silence for a short time, as father and son stared at
each other. Shinji turned away first, with a slight shudder.
"All right, I'll pilot your stupid robot. But only 'cause
you really need me."
Ritsuko sighed in relief. She'd been afraid they would have to
resort to threatening Rei to get Shinji into that cockpit.
* * *
Dressed in a silly pilot suit, funky hair ornaments on his
head, and breathing something that looked like kiwi juice, Shinji was
launched to the surface.
It took him a few moments to get his bearings, as he wasn't
used to seeing things from this height. A viewscreen popped on,
revealing Misato's face.
"Okay, Shinji, the telemetry says everything is working
within acceptable parameters. Are you ready?"
Shinji flexed the fingers of Unit-01. "Ready as I guess I'm
going to be, Auntie."
"That's 'Big Sis--', er, you should call me 'Captain' when
we're on the job."
Huh? When did they get so friendly? You might want to explain this a bit
better.
"Aye aye, Cap'n."
"The Angel should be coming into view now."
Shinji looked around, and sure enough, the bulky monster was
indeed lumbering in his general direction.
"All right, time to open up a can of whoop-ass," said the
boy as he ran toward the Angel. He decided that a quick punch
to the gut would give him some idea of his opponent's
capabilities.
To Shinji's surprise, his punch missed entirely. "Huh. Faster
than I thought. Okay, let's see you dodge this!" He launched into a
spin kick. Moments later, Unit-01 was flat on what passed for its
butt.
"Shinji, are you all right?"
Considering that in the original everyone was amazed that Shinji could even
walk at the first try, I think you should mention that everyone was shocked
speechless at such a display of synchronisation. Not to mention that they
never bother to explain to him how to work the Eva.
"Fine, Cap'n. Just learned that mad martial arts skills
don't translate as well to this big purple galoot as I'd hoped.
So, how do I summon the big flaming sword?"
Misato blinked. "Big...flaming...sword?"
Hehe! That'd be cool...
"All the giant robots in the cartoons have big flaming swords!
It's a tradition."
"Uh, hold on a moment..." Misato hit the 'mute' button,
and was talking to someone offscreen as Shinji got up.
Being head of operations, Misato probably shouldn't ask others if they have
a "Big Flaming Sword", or the location of the armory where the rifle will
be.
The sound came back on. "Sorry, Shinji, no flaming sword,
but there's a rifle scaled for you about 200 meters to your left."
Shinji started running for the indicated area, wishing he
knew a ch'i attack. If that would work in this thing.
The Angel caught up to him just as Shinji reached the
storehouse, grabbed Unit-01 and ripped its arm off.
Shinji screamed, and everything went black.
TO BE CONTINUED
Comments, questions?
SKJAM!
All in all, a good start for the story. I'd like to know what other effects
besides Shinji's obvious ability in martial arts will a crossover with Ranma
1/2 yield in this fic, but I guess I'll have to wait for that.
Oh, and please send me a copy of the prologue if there is one.
Well, that's all, I guess. As I said before, take what you will, ignore the
rest. I'm just trying to help. Also, if I offended you in any way with my
comments, sorry, I didn't mean to.
JPG
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