It was a normal day at the tendo dojo and happosai was creeping up behind
ranma with some form of potion.

Tendo Dojo, Happosai, Ranma...you need to learn capitalization.

Ranma heard and whirled kicking out and spilling the potion all over
happosai who then stood still.

Capitalization, punctuation, and some basic rules of grammar...as well as
some less third-grade vocabulary. This should read:

Ranma heard Happosai behind him. He whirled, kicking out and spilling the
potion all over Happosai; the old man stood unmoving.

Kasumi looked at the potion bottle container and said ,"This label says

that

it will completely reverse someone's sexual preference."

"bottle" and "container" don't both need to be there. Choose one or the
other. Aside from that, this sentence is more or less alright.

Suddenly happosai started moving again and looked around then said , "Must
have some ... right now , ... pretty ... boys!".

Watch your punctuation, again...there's a comma there you don't need. Also,
watch the capitalization again.

Ranma , Genma , Soun , and all other males in the house promptly fled to

far

away.

This sentence is more or less okay.

As a last note, you probably don't want to label a fic [Funny] in the
subject heading, as funny is subjective depending on the reader. Personally,
I didn't think this was very funny at all...it probably would have been
funnier if the execution were a bit better, and if it wasn't so cliche, but
who knows?

-------------------------------------------

Studio ELL: Back in Crack!
http://www.lurkerdrome.com
The Eternal Lost Lurker
lurker@lurkerdrome.com
http://www.livejournal.com/users/lurkerdrome



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