--- Donald Lee Granberry <noharness@mac.com> wrote:

Torrance,

Story wise, this is a great little piece. You do have  some minor spelling
and grammar glitches you need to fix.

Agreed, it's a very nice story.  I would like to see it continued.  What is this threat Cologne faces?  Will she seek Ranma's aid or continue to attempt to manipulate him?  Will her efforts at either be successful?

I meditate for a moment, pushing matters arcane into the back of my mind so I

[You should insert the word "that" between the words "so" and "I" or reword
the sentence.]

can pay attention to the petty annoyances of the younger ones' waking hours.

This is not strictly necessary.  When it would preceed an independant clause, such as "I can pay attention . . . " omitting the word 'that' is perfectly acceptable.  However, leaving it in can help make the sentance more clear to readers.  It's a stylistic choice, really.

Defender of the Light
Elite Mage
junior member of the Inner Circle of the Mages Council

Contrary to popular opinion, magic and science do mix.

_____________________________________________________________
Sluggy.Net: The Sluggy Freelance Community!

_____________________________________________________________
Promote your group and strengthen ties to your members with email@yourgroup.org by Everyone.net  http://www.everyone.net/?btn=tag

             .---Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List----.
             | Administrators - ffml-admins@anifics.com |
             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
             |     Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject     |
             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'