"Michael Noakes" <noakes_m@hotmail.com> writes:

Hiya!

Amidst all the petty ego-bickering and occasional mailbox-clogging
viruses, it's really nice to find a gem like this.  Reminds me of why
I still lurk around the FFML.

My deep apologies for not responding more quickly, school, work
ending, etc etc etc. :) I'm glad you liked it.

Disclaimer: All of these characters are not mine, they belong to
Rumiko >Takahashi. God knows why I and others continue to rehash her
works. Eh.

'Cuz it's fun? <grin>  Of sideline interest, for some reason they've
just started to re-release the Ranma series.  They've got the first
three books out... makes you wonder if a final anime addition might be
in the works.

Hm, that would be interesting!

disregarded? discarded?

It was a twighlight time, somwhere in the haze after Jusenkyo. He went

'_Somewhere_' in the haze...

_< Thanks. :)

He didn't want to get up. He didn't want to breathe. There were no
declarations whispered at moonlight, rings, or other trappings. He

the single sylable of 'rings' breaks the flow of the sentence, in my
opinion.  'no rings' feels like it might flow better, but then that
ruins 'or other trappings'.  Sorry, very subjective opinion here....

I sorta like the sound play with rings and trappings, but I'll try to
think of something.

it. The feeling of her lips still seared his mouth, he could remember

'seared' sounds a bit over-the-top.  Most of this snapshot is
relatively direct and metaphor-free; 'seared' makes me think of a
trashy romance novel, which this isn't.  Again, way subjective....

"Geeze Akane, just how long were you in that furo?"

His beautiful
torturer. He'd often thought of her in that way in his bleak moments,
a half-aware surgeon nonchalantly picking through his guts, sometimes
caressing, sometimes squeezing until he thought he'd surely die.

Yikes!  That _is_ bleak.

I had to throw in some twisty bits, or else it just wouldn't have been
me!

He had walked in on Akane this time. The irony swelled and then
died.

Heh.  I wonder if that's the only thing swelling....

Heh, the second time I read that I knew it'd get comments, but decided
to leave it in.

Akane murmured something inconsequential, and looked over her shoulder
at him. He kissed her. He wanted to show his appreciation to her for
just talking, just making some time to spend with him. And he had
kissed her. He never really was good with words.

I like that last sentence, but the 'he kissed her' makes it sound so
much simpler than I'm sure it was.  Though I like it, something
indicating the hesitation or uncertainty or whatever that often
preceeds such an action might be nice.

I tend to think that it was a rather spontaneous thing, an
afterthought clearly not thought out. :)

He knew that he loved her, had a pretty good idea of what
people who loved each other did to each other,

Hurt and betray each other?  ;)  Oh, wait, this is a _happy_ fic!

In One Breath II (coming soon...)

Okay, maybe not. :)

The shudders grew, and he reluctantly lifted himself off, ready for
whatever fate had for him. Two arms pulled him back down on top of
her. The shuddering escaped from her mouth and she was giggling, then
laughing.

She was laughing!

He kissed her deeply, and was ready for whatever came next.

Very nice and enigmatic.

Done in about 45 mins, and it shows. whee!

Eh, just a few spelling mistakes early on (they disappeared for some
reason....), but read well to me.  Thanks for uncovering and finishing
it off, and sharing!

Thank you for reading, and for the C&C. I really really really
appreciate it. :)

Colleen

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