On Sun, Apr 28, 2002 at 11:06:15AM -0400, Zorknot42@aol.com wrote:

-- Attached file included as plaintext by Ecartis --
-- File: R+AWakeup.txt

Ranma and Akane Wake Up
by W.Brad Robinson (Zorknot)
Ch.1-Six Impossible Things

DISCLAIMER: I'm stealing from several series here most 
notably Ranma 1/2. But I do this truly out of the goodness of 
my heart. And because it's fun. This chapter also uses ideas 
from Love Hina, Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, and Sailor 
Moon. 

NOTE: I decided I would have a crack at the old Ranma solves 
everything genre. Rather than agonize over how to do it I just 
wrote whatever came to mind that seemed to make some sense. 
As a result this probably won't make any sense:-) 

"Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible
things before breakfast!"
-The Red Queen fr. Through the Looking Glass by Lewis 
Carrol

"If you've done six impossible things this morning, why not 
round it off with breakfast at Milliways  the Restaurant at the 
End of the Universe!"
-fr. Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams
 
~~~~~[START]~~~~~

Ranma tried hotter and hotter water but still nothing worked.

She was stuck as a girl.

Again.

Later on, you say this is a dream, but here it seems more like real
life. Like she's in the furo room, just like at the beginning of the
Herb arc.

"How many times does this have to happen?" Ranma asked the 
gods. "Why can't I just be left alone? I don't even care if the 
curse is cured anymore, but why do people have to mess with 
it?"

"It's your karma." an old, wise voice told her. "You have 
brought this on yourself, young one, and it is you alone who 
can undo it."

"Bullshit! I ain't done nothin' wrong!" 

"Who am I?" the old voice asked patiently.

"Who are you?! You're the ghoul, Shampoo's not so great 
grandmother, Cologne."

"Idiot! If I am she, then who are you?"

"Huh? I'm Ranma Saotome of the Anything Goes School of 
martial arts."

"You are not your school, young one, or your name. Ranma 
Saotome is merely a metaphor, a way for you to deal with 
whatever affects you.  You use Ranma to hide yourself. You 
use Ranma to run away."

"I don't know what the hell your talking about, ghoul. Look 
dya know how I can go back ta bein' a man or are ya just 
gonna keep confusin' the shit outta me?" 

Granted, Ranma's speech is often rough, but you should probably have a
comma after "Look".

"You are Cologne, we already went through this!"

"Heh not the old ghoul anymore?"

These two sentances don't fit the established "grammar patterns".

"You're Cologne! We already went through all this, didn't we?"

"Hah! I'm not the 'old ghoul' anymore?"

You need to be careful of grammar. Punctuation, using "you're" instead
of "your", things like that.

"I've always wanted to be called...Little Pony. It's a fantasy of 
mine. My name you see."

"How fitting! But then what would you call me?"

Ranma hesitated "Princess...as befits your rank and stature 
Kodachi-sama."

"Oh that's perfect! Rise, my Little Pony. You have no need to 
beg for such a thing."

Why the heck is Ranma doing this? Stalling for time?

"You said..." Ranma's eyes widened in revelation "You said 
she looked cute! And you would never mallet Shampoo...only 
me! You wanted Shampoo to yourself!" 

Akane's eyes thinned in irritation. "You don't have to put it 
quite like that"

"Gomen gomen... I'm one to talk. I mean ya prob'ly already 
know about Ryoga right?"

Er, what? Is he saying he's attracted to Ryouga? This would seem to
contradict the dream above.



Well... I didn't spot the SM reference. The Love Hina reference was
probably unneeded. And the HHGTTG reference is COMPLETELY unnecessary,
and degrades the fic. If they want Nannichuan, why not ask their
parents for a honeymoon in China? I'm sure they could put the right
spin on it.

Now, in the purely Ranma parts of it... The bit about Ranma and Ryouga
is confusing. Furthermore, there is not sufficient "lead-up" to the
revelation that Ranma's curse has made him bisexual. The whole
run-around about Instant Nannichuan makes little sense, as Ranma has
already (during school) accepted the idea of Akane being permanently
cursed.

Now... Apart from that, I liked it. True, it is a "ranma fixes his
problems" fic, and thus it lacks much conflict. But I *LIKE* Ranma and
Akane, goshdarnit, and sometimes I enjoy seeing everything go right
for them. I'd like this fic a lot more without the HHGTTG references;
as it is, I don't know if I'll read any further chapters. But it shows
promise.



-- 
Jonathan Rosebaugh - Read my fics! http://chibi.anifics.com/
------------------------------------------------------------
Life found itself alive
And somehow knew its opposite was death.
We are ever being born, or dying
And the thrill of choosing is ours.
Only once, must we be born without our own consent.
Only once, must we die without our own permission.
- Calvin Miller, The Divine Symphony


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