Sorry this took so long.

----- Original Message -----
From: "druid" <druid@bigplanet.com>
To: "noirchloe" <noirchloe@nyc.rr.com>
Cc: <ffml@anifics.com>
Sent: Thursday, April 18, 2002 2:09 AM
Subject: Re: [FFML] [Ranma/Multi] Enemies of the Crystal State, Chapt three

   Looks like your reformat wasn't completely effective. Most of it

worked,

but not all.

Grr...  I just suck>_<

| He snorted, dismissing the man from his mind and jumped off the hand,
| continuing
| his.  He ignored the sound of the hand being retracted, concentrating on

   continuing his what? BTW, not paraphrase of the original
Trigun episode, it works well for me.

Ouch.  I must have screwed up in editing, I do stupid things like this.
Glad you like.

| passing.  Dismissing the incongruity between Vash's mannerisms and

Ranma's

| knowledge of the man, he swiftly continued towards the wreckage.

   Ouch.

Well, the backstory is kinda dark, and a bit convoluted.  Poor Ranma and
Vash.

| boy came running out of it, as it parted to give him free access, like
they
| the
| people were afraid to impede him at all.  His face was a twist in

lustful

  like they the? Perhaps you meant, "likely the people," or "like they

were"

perhaps.

The former.

| Saturn blinked.  "Pops!?" she yelled simultaneous with her comrades.

The

| boy
| stood a few inches taller than the man did.  There was also the extreme
age
| difference.  The Mayor appeared a century over the age of death, much

too

   Heh, cute description of his age, I like it.

^_^

| ancient for child bearing.  The fleeting thought of the process that was

   Minor nit, men can't BEAR children, they can only sire them.

_<

| "Don't you dare you bastard," Mars growled.
|
| "Your outfits are almost perfect, Dearie, but not quite," the Mayor said
| lecherously.  Shivers traveled down Saturn's spine as she heard the
scissors
| being employed and Mars' screams of outrage and profanity.

   Um, why don't they try to blast, or at least hit them?

They do, although I seem to have missed including certain things in....
thanks^^

| unveil it.  A lifetime of riches awaited him, what did he care what the
| townspeople thought, or Kanami for that matter.
|
| As long as she was safe.  That's all that mattered.  He absently rolled
his

   Again, ouch.

Kozuma is straightforward, and doesn't admit in the way of caring.

| hand over his wrist, his fist.  The gift, or curse, that had helped them
| survive was waiting for it's called.  It hadn't let him down yet, it was

either - waiting to be called, or - waiting for it's moment.

Something like that at any rate.

actually I think I was going for, "waiting for its call."

| "Saotome Tandem Attack!  Now!"  Vash's yell jarred Ranma from his
momentary

   VERY interesting!

^^  I wanted something where they worked together, to start playing with
Ranma's memories and mind.  If you hadn't guessed, Vash isn't the bad guy
Ranma thinks he is, and I want their eventual reconcilition to be
believable, when it happens.

| Faster than most people could see, Vash threw four tiny throwing

daggers,

| embedding them all into one side of the flying fist as he hurtled

towards

| it.

   Huh?

I guess it's al ittle confusing, I'll see what I can do with it.

| Ranma stopped to watch the spectacle, too far removed to be of any
| assistance.
| He noticed the wires that were attached to the throwing-knives and led
into
| the
| folds of Vash's coat as the approached impact with the fist.

   Well, that's certainly different from what I would have expected. Ah
well,
Guess I got stuck on the original.

I don't want to write the manga, but there are some fun things I want to
include.~_^

| Enraged past her endurance, she watched as they defamed the youngest of
her
| friends, the baby of the group, the member of their team they protected
| almost as fiercely as the protected their Queen.  She was now under

attack

| and Mars was standing here, useless in protecting her friend.

   Poor Mars, I feel sorry for her, and of course for Saturn and Venus

too.

Yup.  This parts a war within my moral center.  Hentai and ecchi can be
funny, but it can also be taken too far...

|
| A sudden movement by the person he was entangled with and he found his
nose
| stuck into the folds of his unknown assailant, a place he knew it
shouldn't
| be.  He gasps involuntarily, inhaling a rich aroma and small fine hairs.
He
| closed his eyes as the person apparently sat up, using his face as a
sitting
| stool.

   Oi! What a situation! Heh

^_^  Glad it worked.  Was afraid it wouldn't.

| "Kazu-kun..."
|
| "So, you know now...  Well, that's fine. "
|
| "Kazu-kun," she said worriedly.
|
| "No!  It's Kazuma, The Shell Bullet."  He took a couple steps away.

"I've

| got to go do some stuff."
|
| She watched as he ran off, leaving her stunned and confused.

   Grrr.... Kazuma was always a bit of an idiot, isn't he?

For hero's in anime's I've seen, he's the biggest.  But in a way, his goals
are more noble than most.

| Venus had run after the others as quickly as she could, arriving on the
| scene as Mars tumbled on the ground with Ranma.  As she winced in, she

   winced in sympathy?

Yup, that will work.  >_<

| "Will you girls just stay the Hell out of my fight!"

   If you meant to capitalize hell, you should probably do the whole
word that way.

I did, thanks.

    I'll get to the rest later.

I'll be here, and thanks.

Druid
druid@bigplanet.com

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