Doesn't It Make Sense?
by Jack Staik
----------

Ranma sat at the Tendo table, glum and speechless as he had been for two 
weeks.

"Darn it, Ranma," Nabiki finally said. "Face it - Akane's gone! Live with 
it!"

Ranma glared at Soun, who cringed.

"WAAAAHHHH!!!" Soun cried. "I'm sorry! I should have told you that she was 
adopted! I never thought that her real parents would show up and take her 
back! WAAAAHHHH!!"

"In any case," Nabiki continued, "Since she wasn't a real Tendo (which is 
obvious since she lacked mine and Kasumi's sweet dispositions), she wasn't 
eligible to be your fiancee anyway. So stop moping and pick Kasumi to be 
your new fiancee."

(Can people speak in parenthesis?)  "It's your on fault for chosing her 
anyways.  It should have been obvious she wasn't a real Tendo as she 
lacked Kasumi's sweet disposition.  Anyways, she's no longer a Tendo and 
can't be your fiancee anymore according to our fathers."  Dropping the 
'mine' because it just ruins the statement for me.  It's far more ironic 
to leave the statement as changed.

"Quit stalling boy and pick a girl," Genma said, etc.  "Yea, I'm sure the 
anxiety is killing Kasumi," Nabiki quipped.

"But, Nabiki-chan," Kasumi said sweetly, "Wouldn't you be a better choice, 
seeing as you're a bisexual skank?" She smiled sunnily.

OMG??  I must have missed that manga.  :p  I know, I know.  Kasumi is 
supposed to be OOC.  I can't think of any comments on Nabiki's behalf to 
suggest she was interested in Ranma's girl side at all during the manga 
but in the anime she did have a few one liners that suggested she wasn't 
too queasy about the idea of a woman-woman relationship.  Perhaps Kasumi 
would refer to Nabiki as being 'more open-minded' or 'more worldly'.

Nabiki smiled back. "But, Kasumi-oneechan, you're the logical choice since 
you're such a withered old sexless prune that you have no chance of getting 
a man otherwise -"

Aaaaa!!!  Ok ok these comments are surely to shock us by their total 
outrageous OOCness.  Sure Nabiki would say something sarcastic but sheesh, 
old and sexless for a 19 year old isn't exactly a strong statement.  
Nabiki could make a statement about Kasumi being much more domesticated 
and/or submissive.  '... you're the logical choice since you're so 
domesticated and submissive, an ideal wife for Ranma.'

As the sisters continued their smiling argument, Soun continued crying, and 
Genma stole all their food to feed his gaping maw, Akane snuck in the back 
door.

Let's make that two sentences to avoid the confusion.  'The sisters 
continued the smiling argument while Soun continued crying.  As Genma 
stole all the food to feed his gaping maw, Akane snuck in the back door.'

Ranma almost didn't recognize her, seeing that she was wearing a leather 
trenchcoat, dark glasses, and a black slouch hat. But when she held up a 
sign saying, "It's me - Akane", he immediately knew it was her.

Why?  Because the sign says so you idiot.  Oh sorry.

He almost cried out, but her mallet on his head silenced him. He had a huge 
grin on his semi-conscious face as she dragged him out of the house by his 
pigtail, the others too caught up in their own mental problems to notice.

Period at the end of pigtail.  'The others were too caught ....'

Outside the Tendo property, Ranma jumped up and hugged her, yelling "AKANE! 
I MISSED YOU!"

[WHAM!]

"Ow! I missed that, too!"

Akane smiled. "I missed you, too, Ranma." She then hissed "But don't tell a 
soul I said that!"

"If you don't tell anyone that I missed you."

"Deal."

Ranma grinned like an idiot. "So why'd you really come back, Akane?"

"Because my parents and me have a problem, and we need your help." She 
smiled her most kawaii smile at him, little sparkles and flowers around her. 
"Please?"

Ranma's brain instantly turned to mush. "Duh - okay."

She smiled and led him to a black limo.

How about guided instead of led?  No particular reason.  Just don't like 
led.  More action in this paragraph such as getting into the limo and 
noticing two figures in the limo would help lead up to the following 
dialogue.

"Ranma," she said inside the limo, "These are my real parents. They had to 
give me up when I was born because of their careers as spies, but now we're 
together again, one big happy family!"

The tall woman in violet and short man in black both smiled evilly, 
snickering in a sinister fashion. Ranma backed up, feeling like a mouse 
undergoing Neko-Ken training.

"Are you being sure he can help?" the woman asked in a thick Eastern 
European accent.

"Of course!" Akane said. "Ranma can beat anybody! Especially those two 
idiots!"

The short man cackled in glee. "Then we go - and with our little girl's 
boyfriend - WE WILL CRUSH MOOSE AND SQUIRREL!"

Hmmm?  Which Amazon is Squirrel?  :p

Ranma cringed as Boris, Natasha, and Akane Badenov began to cackle 
maniacally.

"What have I gotten into?"

I liked this.  Of course if I didn't like it I'd probably not C&C it.  :p  
Anyways this is a really nice short fic.  Short of the blatant misconduct 
of the Tendo sisters [Two minutes in the penalty box for OOC] this is 
quite an amusing 'what if'.

Ciaow

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