Jim Miller wrote:
--On 4/4/02 12:27 AM -0500 DB Sommer wrote:
Gestalt
A Dual! Fanfic
Some nitpicks for you:
Heh. They aren't really nitpicks. You're correcting definite mistakes.
It was only in the little details of personal history that were really
different.
Remove the 'in', I think.
Agree.
If her thoughts drifted off in
the slightest, the had developed a bad tendency to inevitably turn back
towards her house guest, making her feel odd in ways he shouldn't be
able
to.
...theY had developed...
It's remarkable how many times I seemed to lose one letter in a word this
time out.
"That's better." Sensing Kazuki was properly kowtowed and would let the
matter drop, Mitsuki relaxed and took another sip of soup.
According Webster's, kowtowing is:
1 : to show obsequious deference : FAWN
2 : to kneel and touch the forehead to the ground in token of homage,
worship, or deep respect
Perhaps chastened in this context instead?
Agree. I wasn't sure if kowtow was a good choice, and I did look it up. I
definitely like chastened better.
"That's no excuse. You are expressly forbidden to punch anyone at the
dinner table." Akane rolled up the morning newspaper and handed it to
Mitsuki. "Use this."
<snicker>
There are procedures to follow in the Sanada household now that Akane is in
charge. :)
Interesting. I hope part 2 isn't long in coming. :-)
Managed to finish the next scene today, but that's only a couple of pages in
length. Hopefully will get to more tomorrow. I'm hoping work on the second
half will flow better. I was a little uncertain exactly how to start the
story. Now that that is settled, the next stage with Mitsuki's plan will
hopefully flow quicker as well as better.
Thanks for the help. It's appreciated.
D.B. Sommer
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