The following is a chapter from "Reforming Evil Can Be Tricky," an
improvisational fanfiction hosted at Indie Madnesse
(http://indiemadnesse.sandwich.net).

This chapter was written by Kristen Smirnov (no current email available).

* * * * *

To start today's episode off on the right foot, we shall bring in a chorus
of
Japanese schoolgirls to sing a song for your enjoyment. Take it away, girls!

o/~ Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai!
Wai!
Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai!
Wai!
Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! Wai! o/~

Marcy, wife to the inimitable Kim Kaphawn, wiped away a tear. It was so good
to
see young girls like that involved in group activities. It lent a sense of
direction to their lives.

...
...
...
...

Yes, her name is Marcy. It's always been Marcy. If you're remembering
another
name, it's because you are VERY ILL and should SEEK HELP. Don't worry. We'll
wait.

All right. Now that that's out of the way, we can begin.


* ~ *  ~  *  ~  *  ~  *  ~  *  ~  *  ~  *  ~  *  ~  *  ~  *  ~  *

REFORMING EVIL CAN BE TRICKY!

Chapter 11: Is That a Rocket in Your Pocket?

This story originally started by James Howard, the MultiMediocre Knight
This chapter written by Kristen Smirnov

* ~ *  ~  *  ~  *  ~  *  ~  *  ~  *  ~  *  ~  *  ~  *  ~  *  ~  *


In the previous episode of Reforming Evil Can Be Tricky, we learned that:

- This place is most certainly not a disco.
- Kim had no cavities, and is a Sooper Dooper Dentist Trooper! Go Kim!
- Akira thought Ryouga was cute before he got turned into bacon bits.
Unfortunately, this was the Rival Schools Akira and not the H! flash Akira,
so
we're still waiting on that end for HOT YAOI OR POSSIBLY PSEUDOYAOI ACTION.
- Very few peoples in #improfanfic know what RECBT stands for.
- Kim's wife's name was Daisy.
- Therefore, she will never be known by that name again.
- Ha ha. We love nothing more than to screw with your heads.
- Anyone who signs up for this series is a raving loony and should never
ever
ever oh we really mean this be allowed to write for a serious series like
Dark
Star, Final Fantasy Legacy, or The Gods Must Be Randy. ...Oh, DANGIT...

Also, some actual plot developments happened, but I don't feel like
listening
them. Go read the chapter if you want to know what happened. And then
continue
with this one.

*  *  *  *  *

There are few things in the world less appealing than a lukewarm piece of
diner
chicken, when the skin's all rubbery and it's sitting in a pool of you're
not
sure WHAT but it doesn't look too good and is definitely not beneficial for
your
cholesterol count.

Well, to be fair, there are quite a good many things in the world less
appealing
than that. A drunken Iori Yagami, for one. But Ryuji only had to sit next to
Iori...he was going to have to eat the chicken. That was the plan, anyways.

"I'm getting something else."

"Eat it," Marcy commanded, her voice tempered with years of practice telling
her
boys to stop shoving lizards down each other's pants right NOW.

"%$#%@ you."

"Eat it."

&#$#-mrfph!" Ryuji gagged on his chicken for a few moments, until he came up
with the bright idea of 1) getting Iori to pound him on the back and then 2)
remembering Iori was asleep in a bowl of soup, and doing it himself. "Did
you
have to $%##@ shove the thing in my mouth?"

"Yes."

"...Well, okay, then!" Arms were folded across his chest, and Ryuji leaned
back,
convinced he'd emerged victorious in the battle of the wills. Just work with
him, folks. He's had a hard couple of days.

Marcy munched contentedly on her lunch. The lunatics her husband had stuck
her
with were now quiet, this vegetable bowl was pretty darn good, and she
didn't
have to be back at Justice High until the next day. Something about a match
in
the gym; for some reason, every student in the school ended up filling the
bleachers.

"It won't last, you know."

She blinked. "Who said that? Ryuuuuuji?"

The named man shook his head quickly. He had no desire to tangle with her
again;
she might end up shoving Iori's lunch down his throat. Or Iori himself.

A short girl with dark brown hair a few inches past her shoulders walked up
to
the table, inspecting a spiral notebook. "It's time for a new chapter. No
more
laying about, there's wackiness afoot!"

The redheaded figure giggled into his soup. "Wacky foot... facky woot...
whopsy
toof... pooooooot..."

Marcy facepalmed. "Forget it, girl. I'm sitting this one out. My husband got
a
week off, I can take one, too. Besides, he's gallivanting around the city,
doing
heavens knows what with those criminals, while I set up choirs and teach
sewing
and all that nonsense. You want these guys in your chapter, you get them
where
they're supposed to be."

The Author eyed Ryuji and Iori with more than a slight bit of trepidation.
"Uh."

"Yes, and now we know how Marcy feels, don't we, hmmmm?"

The Author considered the two for a long moment. "I... agree completely! In
fact, I think it's time for them to practice acting like upstanding members
of
society in a venue that they'll need to acquire skills in!" Ignoring the
dark
look Ryuji was giving her, The Author reached into her pocket and whipped
out
two cards. "They shall take...PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION!"

The crash of thunder outside on a perfectly sunny day completely failed to
draw
her notice, and Marcy firmly ignored it, anyways. Ryuji had the sense to
look
apprehensive. Iori was busy developing new techniques of bubble-blowing in
his
soup.

"Okay, you two, take the cards and get over to Gedo High and don't mug
anyone on
the way ha ha yes I am being completely serious." She cleared her throat.
"So
long as you two are good... what could possibly go wrong?"

*  *  *  *  *

The gods of dramatic necessity checked off a box on their clipboard, nodding
solemnly as they fulfilled their age-old purpose.

Then they started playing shuffleboard.

Then one tripped and fell right on his nose.

Let's all point and laugh at him.

*  *  *  *  *

Kim strode merrily into the smoking rubble of Gedo High. "Hi, everyone!" he
beamed, smiling Smile #14 (the "I am a Sooper Dooper Dentist Trooper and
have
the gleaming teeth to prove it!" smile). "What'd I miss?"

Edge bobbed up to him, waving his knife around like a cheerleader's pompons.
"Man, all you people are insane! How're we supposed to get anything done
when
you guys show up, and bring crazy announcers and chainsaw vegetarians and
guys
wearing pink and-"

"VIGILANTE," Gan bellowed, idly kicking a rock with his toe. It flew across
the
room and crumbled into dust on impact.

"Shut up Gan!" Edge screeched, waving his knife some more. He would've
continued
if not for the voice of his boss cutting in.

The slender figure walked up in front of Kim and looked up at him, her face
hard
but not, for once, confrontational. "Kim, we need to talk."

He smiled down at her, and would've asked what about... if not for the fact
that
Billy had just smashed a brick over his head. "I think you're supposed to
throw
gatorade over someone's head to welcome them, Billy, not a brick."

"I'll try to remember that," Billy muttered, hiding a second brick behind
his
back.

Akira grumbled and continued. "Kim, I'm willing to work with you to bring
some
order to this school, but it's going to have to be on my terms. Gedo High's
gotta come first for you - I care about these people, and I'm going to do
what I
can to help them."

"Dee!" Heavy D mused thoughtfully.

Luke (OW! Owwwww! Okay, I'll say it! Jerk, picking on a girl...) Ahem. LUCKY
Glauber was too busy dodging Edge's wild knife thrusts to say anything.

"OWIE!" Billy squealed as he accidentally dropped the brick on his toe.

"It's a deal!" Kim beamed at Akira. "I'm so glad to see a delinquent such as
yourself looking to take a brighter path."

Luckily, Akira was considerably more level-headed than either of her
companions,
so she sucked up the unintended insult and shook Kim's hand. "And now that I
have your word on that... I'll let you handle the people who should be here
in
about ten seconds! C'mon Gan, Edge! We don't have to deal with ...her."

Four blinks were heard at once as the Gedo High students ran off,
snickering.
"'Her?''

"Hey!"

They turned to see a tall black man, an odd-looking tuft of hair the sole
covering on his head, looking curiously at them. "You're not Gedo High
students,
are you? I thought the faculty had all been run off."

Kim gave him Smile #27 (the "Things have changed, let me inform you of the
new
situation" smile). "We're the new teachers here, and we're going to help the
students here find lawful paths to follow!"

A blonde teen with a smirk that could irritate the entire population of Twin
Falls, Idaho (32,172 (actually, I just made that up (but I assume it's
moderately accurate))), at once appeared next to the first guy. "So're you
gonna
tell us where the girl in the skull mask is, or do we have to beat it outta
ya?"

"Honestly, all you have to do is ask. I'm Kim Kaphawn, by the way, and you
are...?"

Then a high-pitched, sugary voice cut through the air like a hot machete
through
melted butter. "Hiiiiiiiii!" it bubbled. "We're heeeeeeeeeeere!" it burbled.
And
*boingboingboing* she bounced.

Tiffany Lords hopped up and down in place next to Roy and Boman. "Are you
the
mean mean nasty people we're supposed to beat up?"

Boman grumbled. "That's not the way they told us to approach the matter,
Tiffany."

"I don't care! I wanna bust some heads! Wheeeee! Lookit me, I'm so pretty!"

A grunt of agreement came from Billy as his eyes moved up and down,
following
her movements. "Yeah, you can bust my head anyti-OW!" He eyed Lucky
suspiciously
as he removed a brick from his foot...again.

Kim frowned. No, not really. But he did look thoughtful and somewhat
pensive,
which is about a close to a frown as you'd get out of him. "Why do you want
to
fight us?"

Roy strutted up to the front of the Pacific High group and flicked back his
bangs. "Some little punk left graffiti on our school gate. We don't take
that
kind of insult from Gedo trash."

Kim pondered this. "Hmmm. Perhaps you could find a way to have a meeting
with
the student leaders from this school, set a meeting, take notes - having the
minutes of your previous meeting handy is always a good way to keep yourself
organized, you know."

"I don't wanna talk about this, I wanna get back the jerks who insulted my
girl!" He put a protective arm around Tiffany, who'd started bawling. "Those
bastards! Insulting her like that!"

"WAAAAAAAAAAH! Tiffany is SO SO sad! They were really really mean and I hope
they stub their big toe!"

Boman pulled out a list and settled a pair of glasses on his nose. "The
insults
were as followed: 'airhead,' 'voice that could call dogs from two
prefectures
away,' 'peroxide brain,' 'not only makes a mockery of her nation's flag, but
does so in a really unfashionable way,' and 'floof.'"

There was a long pause before anyone replied. "...Okay, now get to the
insults,"
Lucky prompted.

"WAAAAH! I hope they all have bad hair days!"

"Waitaminute, she can't be a floof. Girls can't be floofs," Roy pondered.

"Oh, apologies, my mistake. The last one was directed at you, Roy."

"...I am not a floof! I'm just a snappy dresser!"

"WAAAAAAAAH! I hope they retain water so none of their clothes fit right
before
a big party!"

Roy ran up to Kim and valiantly poked him on the collarbone. "So we're here
for
payback!"

The situation ran itself through Kim's mind. Well, he had promised to stand
up
for Gedo High. And this American fellow didn't seem to be dealing with the
problem very well. "How about this for a match? If you win, you get a formal
letter of apology from Gedo High, saying they're very sorry and it shall
never
happen again. If we win, you agree to help our cause of reforming
delinquents."

Roy shrugged. "Whatever. We won't lose."

"WAAAAAAAAH! I hope they get attacked in a dark alley and have their bones
broken and are left to die all alone unless a dog comes to chew on their
fingers!"

Everyone paused, turned to look at Tiffany, and sweatdropped massively.

"Dee!" Heavy D! groaned.

"Ha ha! Boy, are you guys screwed!"

"Shhhh! Edge, they're not supposed to know we're watching!"

"Oops, you made that same mistake again, Billy. Gatorade, not a brick."

"Deeeeeeeee."

*  *  *  *  *

"Moo."

"Ah, Agen-"

"Moo."

"Well, you ARE excitab-"

"Moo! Mooooooo!"

"Look, that's the best way to find information on Kaphawn, and you'll just
have
to deal wi-"

"Mooooooooooooooooooooooo(pause for breath)oooooooooooooo."

"Don't take that tone of voice wi-"

"Moo."

"Well, you can just pick up your outfi-"

"Moo, moo?"

"...why yes, I am rather fond of my left pinky, why do you a-"

"Moo."

"...you still have to do it. But please don't hurt my pinky."

*  *  *  *  *

"Geese Howard's office, how may I help you? Oh, no, I'm sorry, ma'am, we
discontinued that service four months ago. Oops, could you hold on, there's
another call. *click* Geese Howard's office, how may I help you? No, Kim's
still
alive. *click* What? No, we're not starting a chain of drycleaners. Where in
the
world did you hear that? *click* Yes, I'll be sure to give you word as soon
as
he's knocked off. *click* No, ma'am, I can't recommend a good drycleaner.
*click* No, I don't know how to get out a red wine stain. I dunno, try club
soda. *click* Our agents should be taking him down within the next few days.
Thanks for calling. *click* Thanks for calling."

Pause.

"Awww, crap."

*  *  *  *  *

There is no more demeaning job in the world than that of subway janitor.
Sure,
wrestling announcers and referees have been given the title by previous
authors,
but you know what? They were lying to you, lying like dogs! Bad authors!
Bad!

This didn't hold true for all subway janitors, no. Some took pride in their
work, some took indifference, some took change out of the ticket booths when
no
one was looking. But the one currently appearing in our story was busy
taking a
lesson in how to hover three feet off the ground courtesy of Ryuji's fist.

"I'm...I'm sorry, sir. But you can't have an entire car all to yourself.
It's
rush hour. Please don't hurt me!"

"Urge to main... rising... Urge to kill... making an appearance as well..."

In a far corner of the station, Iori was having a heartfelt conversation
with a
vending machine. "Pleeeeease gimmee the alcolmo...alkiho...holacal..." It
said
nothing in reply, for vending machines are cruel and vengeful mistresses.
"Pleeeease. I'll beyure besht friend in the whooooole whirl...."

Surprisingly enough, the vending machine grabbed Iori by the collar and
began to
drag him towards the tracks. Well, not really, but it took Iori a good five
seconds to realize Ryuji had him and not his new besht friend. It took him
another five seconds to scramble out of his hold and run over to the vending
machine.

Ryuji swore up a storm as he ended up dragging the vending machine along
with
Iori. Then he realized he now had a free supply of alcohol and continued
swearing, but did so on a PG-13 level.

The two settled into the subway car, elbowing people aside to make room for
themselves and the vending machine. Iori slumped over on Ryuji, babbling
about
popsicle stick sculptures, until Ryuji gave him a good hard shove and set
him
into a group of businessmen.

The doors started to close, and a figure could be seen running towards the
train, waving his arms desperately. There was a pause, then a scream and a
sizzling pop. Ryuji peered out the window and oh'ed.

"Whasshat?" Iori slurred.

"Kyo Kusanagi just fell on the third rail. Now gimmee a beer, I'm thirsty."

*  *  *  *  *

There was a slight commotion on the streets of Tokyo. After all, it wasn't
every
day you saw a cow sauntering down the sidewalk in a fuku.

"Rosh?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you see what appears to be a Holstein wearing a pink fuku?"

"Yes, Dai. Yes I do. Personally, I think she carries it off rather well."

"..." He shrugged. Honestly, he couldn't argue with that.

*  *  *  *  *

Roy shifted his weight easily from foot to foot, eying Kim. Kim beamed back
at
him.

"Stop smiling already! Don't you know I'm gonna kick your ass into next
week?"

"I'm glad you have so much confidence in your abilities! That's the kind of
attitude we need to reform those who have strayed from the path of
lawfulne*duck* Oh, so you're starting already!"

Roy gritted his teeth manfully and threw a swift series of punches at Kim,
who
blocked each and every one. "Would you knock that off?" Punch, punch, kick,
duck, punch, kick...

Surprisingly, Chop Chop Master Onion did not show up at this point. Another
figure made its appearance in the fighting arena, though.
"BEEEEEEEEEEAUTIFUL
PUNCH!"

Kim blinked from his new prostrate position on the other side of the ring.
"...Hello, Tiffany."

Lucky stared at the ring, his eyes wide. "What the HELL kind of move was
that?
She looked like friggin' Rainbow Brite!"

The blonde girl skipped to the middle of the ring and powerposed. "YAAAAAY!
Tiffany is so so beautiful and strong! And Roy's so so beautiful and
strong!"

"Handsome, Tiffany."

"Huh?"

Following Tiffany's lead, a figure made its appearance in Kim's group
without
any fanfare. "Aren't you going to help him? That's a two-on-one match now!"

Lucky, Heavy D!, and Billy looked blankly at Akira. She sighed, muttered
something about men under her breath, then jogged over in front of Tiffany.
"Hey."

"Oooh, you need a makeover! You're nowhere near as prett- ow."

Akira shook her fist as she withdrew it from Tiffany's gut, smirking.
"Fight,
don't talk." Glancing over to Kim, who was back on his feet, she nodded
briskly.
"Let's send these guys packing."

"Indeed! It'll be nice having them on our team!"

Roy grimaced as he helped Tiffany up. "We're not gonna be on your team, pal!
We're gonna-"

"VAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATER!"

Everyone froze as the twin shouts rang out. And then, yadda yadda, two more
figures showed up, continuing the trend. Whee.

Dan rolled into the room, shook a mighty fist, yelled OOS- oh, for the love
of
halibut. You know this already. It was a standard Dan entrance, save for one
thing.

"Hey," Kim commented. "You're not wearing pink."

Standing tall, Dan showed off his spiffy, shiny, smartly-tailored white gi
with
a giant red 'D' emblazoned over the left side. "Indeed, for I have found a
new
path to follow! I will set my sights to the stars above, for no mere force
of
gravity can defy MY will!"

He tripped.

"Ow. I mean, OW! is what the evildoers will say, as I spread peace, love,
and
the knowledge and awe of the Saikyo-Ryu into their hearts! Oh no, that
didn't
really make sense! But no matter! For I am mighty! I am strong! Prepare for
trouble, all those who would stand against me, for I am now ROCKET DAN!!!"

Rocket Dan promptly got clunked over the head by a trenchcoated figure. "I'm
sorry, sir, but you've used up your quota of exclamation points for the
week.
You'll have to wait until next Monday to use another."

Rubbing his mighty head with the not-so-mighty bump on it, Dan turned to
Kim.
"Where was I?"

The figure nodded. "Much better." Then he walked out the door and down the
front
path, because not all trenchcoated figures have dramatic exits.

Kim grinned at Dan with Smile #47 (the "It sure is encouraging to see such a
show of enthusiasm!" smile), which quickly changed to Smile #82 (the "I
shouldn't have had that breakfast burrito" not-quite-smile). "I know you,
Mr.
Hibiki! Why are you here?"

Siegfried walked into the room, waving a Tang Driver. "We're...*hic* here
for
REVENGE!"

Kim scritched his head thoughtfully. "Why are you getting revenge against
us?"

A manly forearm was shaken in Kim's face. "We want to show our fathers (who
art
in heaven, and we forget their names at the moment, but they're still
hallowed)
that the honor of their families are still intact! We shall prove that we
are
the mightiest warriors in the land!"

"...And why is this 'revenge?'"

"Because it sounds impressive! Right, my soul brother and comrade-in-arms?"

*hic*

"Exactly! Now, prepare to blast off at the speed of light, because Rocket
Dan is
here to bust some heads! OYAJIIIIIIIIIIIIII!" Rocket Dan would have
attempted to
do just that, but Roy grabbed him by the shirt and started shaking him like
a
maraca.

"You just busted up my fight! And that WAS for revenge!"

*hic*

"And I don't like your tone either, Bratwurst Boy! How many times does my
country have to kick your ass before you lay down and die?"

"WAAAAAAAAAAAH! The ugly girl punched me in the stomach! OW! She did it
again!"

The situation was rapidly degrading from random weirdness to pretty darn
regular
streams of insanity. Kim waded into the middle of all the screaming and held
up
a hand. "Now now, everyone, I'm sure we can come to a solution that will
satisfy
everyone. Let's go through all of you one by one. Roy, what do you want?"

"I want these Gedo freaks to pay for what they've done!"

"I'll write you a letter myself. But will you still consider helping my
cause?
...Now Roy, you shouldn't make that gesture. Tiffany, what do you want?"

"A pony!"

Kim blinked, then moved on. "Dan...excuse me, Rocket Dan, what do you want?"

"I want to prove that I'm the mightiest warrior in the land! OOSHA! Just let
me
beat one of you up!" He looked around the room for a likely target: Lucky,
Billy, and D! all eyed him threateningly, Roy, Boman, and Tiffany didn't
look
too thrilled with the concept, and Akira, Edge, and Gan... no. He would not
be
tangling with the scary kids. His gaze fell back on Kim, but then the man's
performance at the wrestling arena filtered back into his head. Was there NO
ONE
who Rocket Dan could use to display his prowess?

There was a scuffling sound in the distance, and everyone turned to see
Ryuji
dragging Iori by his jacket collar through the rubble. "^%@#% this ^%#@! I'm
not
a &%@$# babysitter, I-"

"DAN DAN [THRUST]!"

Dan whistled through the air with his new attack. Everyone in the room
stared.
Ryuji found himself, for once, unable to swear. "I... was just hit in the
face... BY DAN HIBIKI'S PELVIS!?"

"OOSHA!"

"Oh, SHUT UP!"

Kim sighed as everything fell into one big mess once more. "This isn't
helping
matters, you know."

*  *  *  *  *

Several hours later at Pacific High, a secretary received a call. "Ah,
Bromwell,
hello. What's this regarding?"

"I have decided to donate my time to reforming those who have strayed from
their
paths," the voice on the other end recited mechanically.

"Oh. Well, that's very nice of you. Shall I tell the coach you'll be missing
practice today?"

"...dammit. Yes. Ow! I can swear if I want to! Ryuji does! It doesn't matter
if
he's older, I can- Oh, FINE!"

The secretary blinked. Eh. He was probably just sneaking off with that
girlfriend of his.

*  *  *  *  *

Marcy flipped down her sunglasses as her sons approached her. "Yes, dears?"

"Mom, why haven't we been in this chapter?"

"Because you didn't eat your vegetables like mother told you to. Didn't I
tell
you you'd regret not eating those brussel sprouts?"

"Awwww."

*  *  *  *  *

"So you're going to be a student here? That's wond-"

"Moo."

*  *  *  *  *

In a room totally unrelated to anything that has happened in this series so
far,
although, given the nature of impro, now that it has been mentioned it shall
actually end up being the location for some major battle involving gods,
warriors, beautiful damsels, and a puppy, who will for some reason be the
bearer
of the news that will save the world but he unfortunately can't be
understood
because hey, he's a dog, two figures sat.

Reread that if you must.

"This sucks."

"You shouldn't use such language!"

"Shut up, James."

There was a pause.

"I'm sure we'll get our call to be on set any minute, now. We signed the
contract to let them use our schtick, after all."

"But Dan fights barehanded."

"...Schtick, not sti- shut up, James."

Ho-hum.

"I think you need more hairspray. Your hair's only standing out at a 25
degree
angle now. No, really. I checked."

"...Shut up, James."

"Ow!"



*  *  *  *  *



Author's note to self:
Do not sign up for H! flash and RECBT in the same week. Too much wackiness.
TOO
MUCH! AHHH! AHHH! My brain has been reduced to a quivering mass of jelly!
hgdgswjdn-

Author's note to others:
smdsnbnbfdndnfb...shgfhsgfhdghfgfg

(Luckily, we found a note written at an earlier point. That shall be
inserted
here.)

This chapter was *hard* to write. Not quite sure why, but it was. Oh well.
Not
as good as it could've been, but then, not as bad, either. All in all, not
horrible. Thanks go to ravi, Greg, and Phoebe for prereading, and to
everyone
else who hates Tiffany just for being who you are. Yeah.

Oh, and Woofer... that previous statement did not contain an apology. Nyah.

Hopefully, the story stays in the Rival Schools 'verse for a while. Let's
alienate those who aren't familiar with the game! Hooyeah!

And with that, I'm off to gibber in the corner.

-Kristen Smirnov
http://www.smirnov.net/



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