Overall your writing is good. The style and the structure is sound,
and you manage a good balance of description and dialogue. That aside,
this reads like a self-insert fic. Your Ryoga is not interesting. He's
a superior martial artist, a genius, etc. Your author's note shows
that you are aware of this flaw. You have a good feel for detail, and
most of the other characters are somewhat interesting, but Ryoga's
like a black hole in the middle of the work, sucking all the life out
of them. You've made Ranma necessarily 2-D to play up Ryoga's great
depth. 

Actual friendship between the various martial artists of Nerima is an
interesting subject, and in some aspects you've handled it well. In
striving to make a somewhat sympathetic character a sort of Uber
sympathy paragon, you've taken most of the likeability out of him.

Further, I'd suggest you take out the Japanese family relationship
names. A few of them are wrong, causing Ryoga to call "Yoiko" older
sister, and the like. They're also different if the character is
talking to someone about someone in their family. Regardless, I'd
advise you take them out.

I sincerely hope that you do not take this as a flame. I would not
offer C&C if I did not respect you as a writer. 

Thanks.

Colleen

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