--- Richard Lawson <nouma@msn.com> wrote:

All C&C is simply my opinion and can be cheerfully
ignored.  =)

"Where'd you come from?!"

Even though I do this too in some of my fanfics, it
behooves me as a C&C-er to point out that multiple 
punctuation marks such as !! or ?? or ?! are
grammatically indefensible.  Leave out the
exclamation mark and find some
other way to convey his startlement.

Grammatically indefensible perhaps, but certainly
intuitive and less ungainly than adding "he screamed"
to the end of the sentence.  Doubling up as in !! or
?? is certainly unnecessary, but ?! conveys 2 emotions
in shorthand, though I prefer !? since it's a question
and the brain is trained to look for a question mark
as the last symbol.

And of course there's the whole reason of why we
celebrate it, very important to me and my...
co-workers.

Hmm.  Mixing mythologies here; can't imagine the
Norse gods caring much
about what the Christian worshippers celebrated.  =)
 But perhaps you could
chalk this up to professional courtesy between
competing offices.

Well, there are several big-time AMG fans who believe
wholeheartedly that Kami-sama is the supreme being,
aka God, even God in the Christian sense.  I
personally believe he's a powered up Odin, not supreme
at all, but I realize not everyone sees him that way. 
For example, Studio Proteus/Dark Horse translates his
name to "Almighty One."  

"So she died?"

Hurm?  This seems an unwarranted assumption on Urd's
part.  I would have
assumed that they had simply broken up.  It's quite
common that one half of
a couple idolizes the other, without reciprocation.

She may have just been trying to get Yoshi to put his
problems into perspective.  If she started with "did
she leave you?" and he said "no, she died" then he'd
have more justification to jump.  Assume the worst,
and if it's not that bad, you've got leverage to use
on the guy.

"Do you honestly believe that stupid idea about
there being one and only one person in the entire
world that you are destined to fall madly and
permanently in love with?

Well, Keiichi and Belldandy might believe, but
that's another story.  :)

As much as it pains me to even think of either of them
with another person, the truth is that either one
would have made an excellent mate for any number of
people.  Not as good a match as they make together,
but certainly good enough to be happy. 

"Ice cream in the middle of winter? Why not?" Not
knowing what else to do, Yoshi slung the bag over
his shoulder, intent on going home, eating the

whole

thing, and getting the first decent night of sleep
in months.

Honestly, I'd prefer that you end the fanfic here. 
The scene back at the
temple seems tacked on, and it breaks the mood too
much, and is, again, too
expository, spelling out things (like the fact that
Urd is the Goddess of
the Past) that are better left implied.  Leave it
like this and you have a
very nice, melancholy story that's paced nicely.

Personally, I loved the ending.  It neatly explained
the presence of the ice cream and showed that Urd's
reputation is such that even when she does something
truly nice she doesn't get and won't take credit for
it.  If it had just been Urd and Skuld fighting it
would have been worthless, but this was the
quick-shift-insight kind of ending Fujishima loves.

Biran W. 

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