I have to feel a little bad writing this...also I'm having a disturbing
sensation of "who the hell am I to criticize" right now.

Nonetheless, I'm finind this part of CtCD disturbing in many ways, and
I'm not sure that there's really anything that can be done about this
without tossing this whole chapter and redoing it again.

First, I find it highly disturbing that Ranma's sexual 'iron will' that
has been made so much of in the previous chapters became a 'jello will'
in this chapter. Akane's statements to it being 'safe' notwithstanding,
Ranma has been built up as having a damn sight more control than that.

Second, this whole bit with the girls' reactions to diamonds.  No
offense, Don, but the general feminine reaction to small shiny objects
of the highly-ordered-carbon variety, while favorable, is _not_ "Oh
baby, take me" as it seems to be in this chapter.  I can see the girls
being pleased with him.  I can even take the kiss-fest that follows.
But what you've written seems excessive to me.

Third, the overall...well...'aura' (I know, wonderful technical writing
terms I use) of this chapter, as I've seen it thus far, seems to
be...well...'off'.  It's not that it's badly written, its just that the
previous chapters are so rich in character development, plot
development, imagery, etc., while this chapter seems more to stike me as
being filler...so far all we've seen is Ranma boasting another new
trick, all the girls going ga-ga over it, and an (albeit well done) smut
scene.  Is this _really_ necessary?

This is coming off harsher than I'd like, but I can't help the way I
feel about this chapter, especially considering how much I _love_ the
rest of the story.

--
Christopher Angel


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